The evil that men do (to hamsters)

First, a secondhand horror story: I know someone who was given a pair of hamsters as a child. This is a common enough occurrence, but the scenario that followed was, one hopes, rather less common, as the aforementioned hamsters, over the course of a few weeks, reproduced at an insanely accelerated rate, and soon overran their cage (which as I understand it was little more than a sturdy elongated cardboard box), escaped, and began fighting and killing each other, as well as attacking the members of the household.

There was silence in the car for a while, after my friend recounted this story to me and one other passenger. The other passenger said: “Are you sure that really happened? Maybe it was just some childhood nightmare.”

Sadly, it was an all-too-likely scenario, as negligent pet shops and clueless parents here facilitate this kind of disaster on a regular basis. Yes, hamsters are super cute (though my sister would argue otherwise, as she likens them to baby rats — hi, sis), and they are also super cheap — that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take the trouble to house and raise them properly. Otherwise they too will grow up to be the rodent equivalent of football hooligans. Here are some things to remember.

SYRIANS ARE SOLITARY

The most common kind of pet store hamster, the Syrian a.k.a. the “teddy bear” hamster, needs his or her personal space. In fact, past a certain age, if crowded into a cage with one or more of its ilk, it will, well, start a gang war, that can only end in bloodshed and property damage. Dwarf hamsters are rather more sociable, though it is best to house them with others from the same litter, and even then they could very well get into turf tussles.

BOY MEETS GIRL = BIG TROUBLE

Most shops sell hamsters in boy-girl pairs, which, in a word, is ill advised. Assuming they don’t kill each other, they will soon spawn litter after litter of unruly and unwanted babies (in this, they are not dissimilar to humans, though the rate is much greater). If the babies live, they will all have to be housed separately. Of course, the mother, out of stress and protein deficiency, may very well eat them instead. Yes, you read that right, and I hope you were not reading this over breakfast.

STRESS IS A KILLER

Much like packing humans into windowless buildings and keeping them there nearly all the time can result in sickness, unhappiness, and call center supremacy, the conditions that most pet store hamsters endure — overcrowding, no exercise wheel, limited access to water and food — are not only horrible, they’re life-threatening. The most common killer of hamsters is a disease called wet-tail, which, to over-simplify, is caused by stress (often due to bad living conditions). This takes about a week to develop, so be careful — the hamster you buy today may have already contracted it, and will be dead within days. Even if the hamster in question seems active and healthy, be sure to check out his cage-mates: if any of them seems weak or sick, go somewhere else. Wet-tail spreads fast.

Of course, I don’t lay the blame solely on the pet shop people. Customers are equally ignorant, if not more so. I remember one time when I was perusing the hammies in one of these mall kiosks and a shabbily-dressed youth inquired of the saleslady, “Miss, baka puwede kong ilagay na lang sa plastic ‘yan?” In other words, he wanted to bring the hamster home as you would a bottled soft drink from a sari-sari store, by putting it into a flimsy plastic bag, instead of a proper carrying case. I had to restrain myself from putting his head in a plastic bag.

Please don’t put yourself in danger of being suffocated by a total stranger in a mall. There are numerous sites online that offer good hamster information, from choosing one to taming one to caring for one throughout its lifespan. One of my favorites is Hamsterific (www.hamsterific.com); I also joined an online LiveJournal community devoted to the critters (community.livejournal.com/hamsters). And while vets that specialize in hammies are rare, if your little pet has trouble, you can try Vets in Practice, in Mandaluyong (533-7965). Go forth, and do no more evil unto the hammies!