Laugh, learn, love

I stand at my window watching a big bright orange ball — our sun — as it begins to set between two tall buildings. I remember the first Manila sunset I saw when I just returned from the United States in 1988. I had just come from Mass at the Malate Church and when I walked out, I saw the sun setting into the Manila Bay, a spectacular orange sunset. Tears ran down my cheeks. In a flash, I realized how homesick I had been, how much I had missed from home, our loud, windy, thunderstorms, our spectacularly beautiful sunsets. How old was I then? I was 44, 28 years ago.  Much has happened since, but until now, I still love to stand at my window and watch our sunsets.

 I realize as I watch the orange ball sink swiftly into the sea that our sunsets have always been marvelous. If there is any change at all, the change is within us.  Do we have time to watch the sunset? Do we live in a place that shows it to us in all its splendor?  Do we allow the beauty to take our breath away? Do we whisper thank you to God who sends us these lovely sunsets every single day?

 I know I do. Maybe it’s because I am past 70 and my life is so much simpler now.  Maybe it’s because I live alone and have a porch close to the sky so that I can see Manila Bay from San Juan, so I can watch the sunset almost every day. Maybe it is part of getting older to see and appreciate the stunning details of nature that surround us, to find them breathtakingly beautiful and to thank God that we have discovered and enjoyed them one more time before we cross over.

 There was a time when I was so afraid of growing old.  When I was turning 50, for example. That was horrifying for me. Whenever anyone asked how old I was, I could only respond with f-f-f-f-f-f. Now, whenever anyone asks me how old I am, I say 72.  They gasp and say, You’re 72? You don’t look a day over 60. Okay, I’m grateful for the compliment but it doesn’t really mean that much to me. When you are old, it’s your spirit that counts, I think. Your desire to do things that you didn’t have time for as you were working, as your children were growing up and needed sheltering.  Now, suddenly, they are grown and you are free.

 Who cares what you look like?  It doesn’t matter so long as you like how you look, how you wear and color your hair, what clothes to put on, what exercise lessons to take. You have to make those decisions on your own based on how much you enjoy it, how it makes you feel, not because someone else is pushing you into exercising.  As you get closer to the end of your journey, you find that the most wonderful thing you did was getting to know yourself as deeply as you do and loving your imperfect self as much as you can.  You realize that you cannot love another person unless you love yourself first.

Suddenly, I remember something I learned in my high school religion class. We were talking about the Ten commandments and finally the nun said something like but if you cannot remember the Ten commandments just remember the two great commandments. One, love God above all else, and two, love your neighbor as you love yourself.  Now, I realize that those are the three things I now do. Three? Yes, first I love God above all else. Second, I have learned to love myself. Third, having learned to do both, I now love other people as much as I love myself. I do all these even if I have not really been a pious Catholic. I think that’s because I no longer agree with many of the church’s teachings. They have not moved in step with the needs of their laity.  Maybe that’s why I love Pope Francis. He gives a glimmer of hope to the Catholic Church.

But how did I stray into religion as a topic? At my age, I have learned that one does not stop growing until death. Out there is a wealth of experience still waiting to be tried, to be lived. For as long as we have breath, we have the opportunity to enjoy and laugh at so many things, to learn much more about one another, and to love in ways we could not love when we were much younger.  Those three words — laugh, learn and love — are for me the secrets to a fuller life. I want to do them until I draw my last breath.

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