Love always

This is a story that begs to be told not as gossip but because there are genuine lessons to be learned.  The mother and I are very good friends.  We were both married once, then separated, then lived with someone then got separated again.  Then my friend lived in the USA where she raised her daughter, who grew up and more or less followed  in her mother’s footsteps.

The daughter got pregnant at 21.  Her mother called to ask for my advice.  I told her — don’t force her to get married, it won’t end well.  But the boy’s parents were Opus Dei and they insisted on the marriage.  So there was a wedding, the boy’s parents forcing the girl.  Isn’t that a reversal?  In my day it was always the other way around.  The girl’s parents would force the boy.

The marriage did not work, hardly lasted a year.  After a while, the girl, let’s call her Kate, ran into an old boyfriend and married him.  This was all in the USA where you can get divorced.   They had one more child, another girl.  She had two daughters.  That marriage lasted a long time but then one day the man turned out to be bi-polar and he was having a fit not of depression but he was manic, hyperactive, could not make sense.  Remember bi-polar is a synonym for manic-depression.  If you are a bi-polar you are either more manic than depressive or the other way around.

Anyway, that was really hard on Kate and eventually they too separated.  She met Carlos, a Latino with two daughters by his first wife from whom he was also divorced and they got married.   Surprisingly, the children got along very well.  They all loved each other.

 But this was not so with Kate and Carlos.  Apparently Carlos had his addictions, which Kate was having a difficult time dealing with.   In the meantime her ex-husband who was manic had moved to another state and when Kate’s second daughter, Cindy, was 15, she decided to move in with her father not knowing that she would have to take care of him.  Poor little girl had a lot of adjusting to do.  But nevertheless she kept in touch with her older sister and her two stepsisters.  Apparently they loved each other and looked after each other.  They would text on their cell phones and felt really close.

 They are all grown up now.  Kate’s eldest daughter is 28, the younger one, 23.  One stepsister falls between the two of them and the other is 21.  A few times the children come home to the Philippines.  They hang out with my grandson who brings them over to visit me.  We sit around laughing together.

 I ask Cindy, the younger one, how her father is now.  That was the hardest time for me, she said.”  I didn’t realize that he was really sick and not himself.  But then I had wanted to go and take care of him so I forced myself, read up on what manic meant, suffered through his unreasonable spells, saw to it that he took his medicines.  The first two years were terrible but in the end, things got better.  Then he got well.  Or maybe I grew up and went to community college and graduated and suddenly realized he was well.  But since then he seems to be his old balanced self, the father I remembered from when I was a child.  We are all right now.  We are all friends.

 Your mom and dad, are they friends too?  I ask.

“Well, tentatively, I think.  Mom talks to him when she has to but at least they are talking to each other.  No more of the old hostility but now I understand why my mother was so angry at him.  He was really rough on her and very alienating when he had his fits.  And it lasted a very long time.  It was so sad but we’re all over it now.”

 What about Carlos?  What happened to him?

“Well, when he and Mom divorced. He met this lovely girl who was 20 years younger than he, fell in love or so he thought, and married her.  His daughters can’t stand her,” Cindy giggles.

 Suddenly she turns to me.  You make jewelry, don’t you?  Can you make me a pendant?  I want it to represent my family. 

Your mom and dad and your sister, I venture.

“No, my sisters, all four of us.  We take care of each other and nothing can come between us.”

 My eyes filled with tears.  I hugged her.  You are a beautiful child, with lovely sisters with full hearts.  I will do it.

 You see?  Parents can be ill.  They might be irresponsible.  But love always takes over a family that splinters.  Children love and care for each other and save themselves.  Don’t you think this is a wonderful story?

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