Why Steven Tyler walks that way

Here’s what you do to prepare for the upcoming Aerosmith show at SM Mall of Asia Arena: Get your hands on Steve Tyler’s memoir, Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?, and bring yourself up to date with the man who’s woven more scarves around microphone stands than any other screamer in rock history.

It’s your standard rock tell-all, except with Tyler, there’s a good deal of self-effacing wisdom to go along with the shuckin’ and jivin’ and “ups and downs.” Too many rockers go straight for the “decadence” angle, parading their rock bottom moments, as though they’re laying out some kind of cautionary tale. When in fact it’s just one more way to squeeze shekels out of their tired old stories.

Not so with Tyler, who after all still has a full-on (though sometimes off-on) career with Aerosmith, as well as wrapping up tenure as a judge on American Idol, where he displayed the kind of seasoned analysis and commentary of Ed Murrow or King Solomon in their prime. (Meaning to say Tyler was entertaining, relevant, and still seemed cool, despite being aligned with a distinctly uncool enterprise.)

This guy has been around the block. He admits you’ve gotta have good rock role models, if you wanna make it big: “My motto has always been ‘FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT.’ If you wanna be a rock ‘n’ roll star (like Keith Richards says) you gotta get your moves off in a mirror first.” Springing from my old bailiwick, Boston, the band recruited their import Tyler around the time the Celtics were entering their Dave Cowens/Paul Silas/Jo Jo White phase, and the Boston Bruins were lacerating opponents with raised hockey sticks on the bloody ice. (Boston’s always been a “take no prisoners’ kind of town.)

The Mick Jagger comparisons were inevitable, but Tyler, combined with the gutbucket guitar tandem of Joe Perry and Brad Whitford, the jungle-boogie bottom of Tom Hamilton and the battery of Joey Kramer, were carving out their own rock turf. It all came to fruition with hit albums like “Toys in the Attic” and the even tougher “Rocks” in 1976.

If any band has had nine lives, it’s Aerosmith. They’ve pulled back from the brink of obscurity so many times, you’d think they were Neil Young. First, in the midst of ‘80s music, they got a huge boost by hooking up with Run-D.M.C. for a worldwide smash remake of Walk This Way. (And notice which of those two bands is still around today.) They had endless squabbles, fights, well-publicized rehab stints, and just when you thought you couldn’t stand another rocker saying “no” to drugs, they entered their crossover hit phase, hitting gold with Crazy, Amazing, Cryin’, and Don’t Want to Miss a Thing in the ‘90s. Of course, this AM radio stuff was a far cry from the revved-up riffs of “Rocks,” but you have to hand it to The Bad Boys from Boston: they knew how to tap into a new generation of listeners. Crazy proved the band was indeed crazy — crazy like a fox.

By the ‘00s, Aerosmith were what you’d call branded, almost like that logo decorating the heifer on the cover of “Get a Grip.” But they chose wisely, with appearances on The Simpsons, SNL’s “Wayne’s World,” and their own Guitar Hero video game poised to hook yet another generation. Like their heroes the Rolling Stones, this rock juggernaut just kept a-rollin’, even if Tyler was on one day, off the next (and sometimes falling off the stage). You don’t get to be a band like Aerosmith without a few scars and bruises, after all.

By their 2007 tour, ‘Smith were feeling the ravages of time. Or at least Tyler was: “Onstage, Joey’s always tied to his drums and Tom, Brad and Joe are all ferociously focused on their fretboards — they can’t be running around like maniacs — so it’s up to me to put on a show. I’m the designated kinetic animal, the leaper, the somersaulter, the jack-in-the-box, the March Hare driven to mad extremes by the manic artillery of Aerosmith’s heavy-ordnance rock.” No wonder his feet got messed up, and he turned to painkillers — mostly Oxycontin and mammoth Xanax tablets nicknamed Zanzibars, a definite recovery no-no — to get through the tour. 

Another hitch was American Idol, a bit of moonlighting by Tyler that put the band on the backburner. Joe Perry claims the band “had to hear about it on the Internet, like everybody else.” Tyler shrugs and says, “Two months ago, you were trying to throw me out of the band, so I got myself a job, to have something steady while you guys try to figure out what you want to do.” It ended up as one season on AI, which may have unwittingly kept the show on life support for another year. And apparently it was enough of a chess move to persuade Aerosmith to bring Tyler back into the fold. Crazy like a fox. 

Now sexagenarians, the members of Aerosmith could have quietly retired by now. Instead, they embarked on another massive world tour — “The Global Warming Tour,” reportedly to wind up in Manila’s Mall of Asia Arena followed by a show in Jakarta — which may very well be their last time in the saddle, concert-wise.

Tyler lays out why they’re all still together, all still touring, all still alive: Joe Perry just comes up with killer riffs, unconsciously: “It didn’t matter what key or tempo. That came later. Just playin’, just feelin’, just being Joe f**kin’ Perry.” On bassist Tom Hamilton: “He’ll come up with these slippery, slimy, melodically delicious out-of-the-blue bass lines during practice. He’d play stuff so down and dirty just from warming up, and it would turn into a song.”

Tyler also talks about “LSD” — not the drug, but a term said to be coined by Jimmy Page, meaning “Lead Singer Disease.” It refers to the way certain male singers think they’re the ones holding a band together: getting all the magazine covers, the sound bites. You know, like Axl Rose. Or Steven Tyler. In response, the other band members started calling themselves the “LI3” in interviews: the “Least Interesting Three.” But the singer, who possesses no false modesty whatsoever, adds it all up differently: “They called themselves the LI3, I didn’t. I know in my heart of hearts I would not be here if it weren’t for those around me.”

Leave it to Scatman Tyler to riff on what makes the band so special onstage: “It’s all in the f**king mix. With us it’s the Screamin’ Demon’s howl from hell and Joe’s raunchy blues grind that makes Aerosmith’s 150 proof moonshine — pumped out by Brad, Joey and Tom. It’s the collective vibe of four or five people tuned into each other that makes the bee sting and the honey drip. It’s that beautiful, dirty Aerosmith liquid hydrogen snarl that makes the liver quiver, the knees freeze, and the booty shake.”

Yep. Should be one hell of a concert.

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Aerosmith fans in Manila can finally watch lead singer Steven Tyler, guitarists Joe Perry and Brad Whitford, bassist Tom Hamilton and drummer Joey Kramer perform live on May 8, 8 p.m., at Mall of Asia Arena. Tickets are now available. Call 470-2222, go to any SM Ticket outlets or reserve online  https://smtickets.com/marketing/view/1217. For VIP assistance or inquiries, e-mail royalty@pulpliveworld.com or call 727-4957.

     The Aerosmith concert is supported by PLDT, StarWorld, Fox, ABS-CBN, MYX, 2Go Express, BDO, Pioneer Insurance, MC Graphics Carranz, Pulp Magazine, The Philippine STAR, BusinessWorld, BusinessMirror, Monster Radio RX 93.1 Manila, Monster Radio BT 105.9 Cebu, Monster Radio BT 99.5 Davao, RB 106 Radio Boracay Philippines, 99.9 Country, The Country Authority, and Diamond Hotel is the official residence of Aerosmith.

Steve Tyler’s memoir, Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?, is available at National Book Store.