21st-century addictions

In the past, there were certain habits that were classified as addictions. People who had drug and alcohol issues were considered drug addicts and alcoholics, to put it bluntly, and were sent to drug rehab and Alcoholics Anonymous by well-meaning members of their families. Then, other compulsions also became classified as addictions, such as food and sex. Food addicts went to “fat farms” and sex addicts… well, they went to shrinks and in the USA, there were support groups for those who were addicted to help them normalize and be faithful to their spouses.

Today, there are other addictions that we may not consider addictions, but could cause very serious damage to our lives.

Hey, Shopaholic!

I just received an e-mail from a friend who wrote that her spending habits drove away her husband. She was a shopaholic and it caused havoc in their marriage. Let’s call my friend Ivy. Ivy would scrimp on their food, buy the cheapest cuts of meat and three-day-old wilted veggies with the excuse that when you boil them, nobody notices the difference. She would deprive her children of simple joys like a treat at McDo because it ruined her shopping budget. She spent her after-work hours going to her favorite boutiques buying bags, shoes, the latest in clothes and accessories. She would stash them in different hiding places, like under the bed, inside the planters of her indoor plants, in their maids’ room, etc., so her husband would not discover her loot. 

One day, she fired one of her maids because she wanted to cut down the budget for their salaries and out of spite, the maid exposed Ivy’s loot to the unsuspecting husband. He was so shocked to find out what his wife was doing and everything seemed to dawn on him: the bad quality of their food, the way their children looked so malnourished, and the way his wife looked like a fashion plate. When he would compliment her and ask if she had a new dress/shoes/bag, she would brush aside the question and sometimes would say she bought them on installment.

Ivy’s husband also discovered that she owed the credit card companies more than P200,000 in unpaid bills and that she would pay the bare minimum every billing statement.

He warned her to clean up or leave the house. In her e-mail, Ivy said she’s planning to cut up her credit cards and stop shopping until she pays off her debts to the last centavo. I am just curious how this drama will end. I am hoping Ivy will stick to her resolve to save her marriage and the physical health of her children.

Hooked on the Internet, Cell Phone & Crackberry?

Statistics show that 49 percent of women ages 18 to 34 would rather forgo sex for weeks than give up the Internet.

Doctors say that addiction to the Internet, cell phone and Blackberry triggers the same rush of feel-good dopamine to the brain as drugs and alcohol. These fixes aren’t formally recognized by medical establishments, and treatments with psychiatrists can’t be charged to one’s health card. But they are considered real addictions and have ruined a lot of lives.

A male friend told me that his ex-girl friend checks her e-mail 100 times a day and when they are out on a date, she would spend long hours in the bathroom with her Blackberry checking on her e-mails. She reasoned that as an investment consultant she had to stay connected all the time. Needless to say, the relationship did not last.

My friends who are parents always complain to me that when they are at home with the children, they have no bonding time because they are all glued to their computers chatting with their friends on Facebook, Twitter, etc. And when they take their children out to a family lunch or dinner, they are all glued to their cell phones. The situation became so bad that the dad had to establish a “no cell phone” policy during dinnertime or when they have a family outing. His kids would rebel and sneak out to the bathroom but for the most part, he was able to set parental rules and establish some bonding time with his family.

Addicted to Porn

One of my lady friends confided that when she was having her “change of life” — menopause, in other words — she lost interest in sex. Her husband, during this phase in their marriage, turned to Internet pornography to satisfy his sexual needs. His addiction became so bad that he would feign sickness in order to skip most of their social activities just so he could indulge in his addiction. One day she opened his laptop and saw the many porn Internet sites that were registered there. A confrontation led to a confession and both of them had to seek professional help.

She had to restore “sexual libido” in her menopausal body in order to help her husband cure his addiction. He, on the other hand, engaged in sports and other forms of physical activity to get his mind off pornographic sex. He had a few lapses, but his wife says that according to their shrink he has made very good progress and is over the worst of it.

These behavioral addictions don’t seem serious but they are and have to be dealt with seriously before they ruin your life. So discuss these addictions among your friends and family members. Who knows, you may be helping someone get over a seemingly harmless but very real addiction.