Advice to the young

Let me begin by saying that I don’t really like to give advice to the young or old because I know my views are non-traditional and not likely to be understood. That’s why sometimes I say please do not ask me for my point of view because I have already written the piece. But nevertheless I get requests for advice, many of which I ignore, but some of which I cannot. The first one I will answer I could not ignore because of the English. This is the question: “How is 2 be happy when ur love is miles away? Ty.”

My answer: I don’t know. I don’t know the gender of this writer. Maybe he or she is the mate of an OCW. I know you know your mate has to be there because that’s the way s/he earns a living. So it has to happen. I think you should write each other either by e-mail or snail mail. More than that, I think you should find yourself something to do. Find some work, something that will fill your time creatively. Make something and sell it. Do something more than just sit and mope. Get yourself a life that will earn you money so you can visit him/her eventually. Don’t just wallow in sorrow and regret that s/he has gone to work. And if this is more or less a permanent arrangement, then get used to it. If you can’t get used to it, then either go with him or her next time or find somebody to love who won’t leave you. Just stop brooding about it. You may brood when you feel like it, but only for a little while. Three days max. Brooding is a useless proposition that will get you exactly nowhere, so don’t do it for too long. Work with other people and have fun.

There is another one that interested me: “Wats ur opinion f ths tym a son of a deeply religi0us catholic family decides 2 marry d daughterof a deeply religious muslim family,he decides to change religion c0z he loves her,but d parents wil not allow it..sigh.thnx..”

You got me with the “..sigh.”

Let’s step back. What is religion? It is a system of beliefs (and rules) that governs our lives. It also identifies the God that we believe in. The Catholics believe in God and Jesus Christ. The Muslims believe in Allah. The Buddhists believe in Buddha. Every religion has a God, the central character. To me this says that God is a universal power and it is man who chooses which God suits him best. Also, all religions are created equal. Catholics are not superior to Muslims. Muslims are not superior to Catholics. Buddhists are not superior to Catholics or Muslims. They are all the same but their believers believe otherwise, therefore we have the religious “wars,” a part of which you have encountered now.

Your story is similar to Romeo and Juliet, except that your family feud is based on religious beliefs. That is impractical and over the long term, I don’t know if it will work. I can understand the young man’s willingness to convert to your faith. Eventually he will be allowed to have more than one wife as long as he can afford to support them all and he could even divorce you without your consent, in an extreme situation. But I don’t think that is a fair decision because it would displease only his parents and not yours. Also, I suspect you are both young and not independent enough so that if and when you do marry you will be relying on his parents’ support and how can you expect his parents to support the two of you if he has shunned their religion?

Here’s my advice: First, finish your studies, go to work and earn enough money together so you can afford to have a life of your own independent from both your parents. It is very important to become independent from your parents. Then you don’t have to listen to their opinions. You can do as you please since you have become responsible adults.

Second, consider converting to another religion. Maybe Buddhism. Then his parents will be offended and so will your parents. So the situation is equal. Then you will be truly independent. You have your own faith and no one can insist that your children be brought up Catholics or Muslims. You will bring them up as Buddhists. Only you have to be prepared because when they grow up, one of them might fall in love with a boy or girl from a deeply Catholic family and you will have to face this problem from your parents’ point of view. But what can any of us do? That’s life.

To both couples, I think you should just love each other until the love dies, anywhere between two and five years, based on a feature Time magazine did on love maybe 10 years ago, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again.

So there. Now do you realize why I don’t like to be asked for advice? First, I really dislike the text language used, which I have tried to duplicate here and I hope they have not editorially tampered with. And second, my views are off-the-wall but I think they are real, practical and doable.

Are you happy you asked for my advice?

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