Happy Halloweird!
In the days predating cosplay – way before Comic Con became the new Sundance – relatively sane people would only get their freaks on once a year: Halloween. Granted, costumes back then — meaning earlier this decade — consisted of a repurposed bedsheet and a lame Scream mask. Today, however, pretend garments for All Hallow’s Eve have become slightly more creative. Or have they? Hmmm. Let’s investigate.
As the last bastion of socially acceptable buffoonery, Halloween is considered by many a repressed soul as a cheap source of fun and escapism. It’s a glorious night, as Cady Herron says in Mean Girls, “when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” If you want proof of this sage observation, I’d like you to behold the preponderance of slutty whatevers — nurse, teacher, schoolgirl, police officer, etc. – come October 31. It may be dead easy to put together an “outfit” which only requires a bra, mini skirt and some trashy high heels to replicate — I bet The House Bunny will be totes pops this year — but come on. The Day of the Dead can save the world from utter economic destruction if we all let our imagination go batty, and, you know, invest a bit more on what we plan to wear.
Overplayed
I can see it now — you misguided ladies are probably planning to show up as Sarah Palin, right? And why not? All you need is a pair of rimless glasses, a red suit, and an Ivana Trump-style updo. While you score points for news-based relevance, I dare to give you the eyeroll of death for originality. Flapping your Halloween moose gums about as the governor of Alaska would be like clearing a bar that’s already on the ground. It’s really hard not to jump high enough. So, try harder. Next!
As for the fellas, I urge you to put the clown make-up down right this instant. Do not, under any circumstance, even consider coming as the Joker from The Dark Knight. Fine, Heath Ledger’s geniusly creepy turn has generated many Internet memes — props for legitimizing “Y so srs?” as a catchphrase — but don’t you think it’s too overplayed and, like, too much of a cop out? If you really wanna geek out as a comic book baddie, there’s always Harvey Two-Face. And word on the street — a.k.a. the Webz — is that Johnny Depp may already be in talks to play the Riddler in the next Batman installment. Why not one-up the rest with your pop culture prowess and swagger that way instead?
Wittier Trick-Or-Treaters
I’m just here to guide, people. You can be a wittier trick-or-treater — and get actual candy instead of Lehman Brothers stock — if you consider more off-the-radar costume options. If you must come as someone from an indie-ish movie, nix Napoloen Dynamite and Pedro and be McLovin’ or any of Michael Cera’s characters. And if you and your boo want to settle for a couple’s theme, do not dress up as obvious Pete and Amy or Posh and Becks rip-offs. Either try something a bit more local — like Manny and Jinkee Pacquiao — or go intergalactic as Wall-E and Eve. I can’t believe I just suggested that but whatever. Good luck.
When it comes to Olympics-inspired Halloween threads, it will be more compelling if you were decked out as a posse of pre-pubescent Chinese gymnasts with purple eyeshadow and crooked teeth, especially if you’re over 21 and male. If it’s even more awkwardness you’re after, take a cue from Michael Phelps and hit the party as his infamous Sports Illustrated cover photo, the one where he posed with 8 gold medals that when cropped, look like a halter dress.
Halloween is just six days away. Again, it’s the last holiday before Christmas where you spend on yourself and not on others. It’s also one where you’re welcome to scare strangers with whatever it is you’re wearing and not get punched in the face for it. Don’t let the world’s economic woes stop you from recreating a killer Halloween costume. Rather, let the credit crunch inspire you to do the best with what you’ve got and search for costume ideas in places you may have overlooked. Happy Halloweird!
