Fate or destiny?

It was destined to be."

Whenever I hear this phrase, I often ask myself if man is the one who shapes his destiny. Or if there is a higher power or another worldly force that predetermines our destiny?

I am still pondering the answer to this question.

I know that man is constantly in pursuit of happiness. The aim of his life is to eliminate all suffering and attain perfect happiness. Happiness is always associated with love, and being in love with the right person. But how can we ever tell who is the right person for us? Even a prince charming could turn into a frog and a frog could turn into the nicest prince. I have seen that happen. It is too simplistic to say, it was in her destiny to marry that adorable prince charming! or perhaps, what a pity, such a lovely girl ended up with a frog like that. It is her fate!

There is a thin line between fate and destiny. Most people interchange their usage. Destiny suggests a prearrangement of the future, like when you say, "No man can escape his destiny." Fate by contrast, is much stronger in its implications of a deterministic pattern. Where destiny might point to a desired goal without rejecting the notion of free will, fate points to an outcome, good or bad, as though choice, chance, cause and effect played no part in its working out. A guru once told our class that man should accept his fate without bitterness, but I find that statement difficult to accept. How can one not be bitter over a bad stroke of fate? Most oriental religions preach that we should be resigned to our destiny or to our fate. But again, the nagging thought persists in my mind: if we cannot escape our destiny, can we shape or control it?

Valentine’s is just a few days away, and as such, love stories are my favorite topic at this time of the year. I want to share with you the love stories of four couples that prove that no matter what the circumstances were, their fate or destiny unfolded in ways that were unexpected to all of them. In the end, the couples ended up happily ensconced in each other’s arms. When I think about them, I tend to believe that there is a hand of a higher power that determines our fate or our destiny.

Lance and Marla were a popular couple in their circle of friends. She had a thriving restaurant business and he was a successful businessman dabbling in real estate and importation of food. One day, one of his closest friends passed away. The widow found consolation in Lance’s company and the unexpected (or should I say, the expected?) happened. Fireworks sparked between them, and soon Marla found herself alone with her son and her thriving restaurant business. Lance and the widow got together but it was short of catastrophic. After the fireworks with the widow had ended, not even the dying embers could be fanned back to life because Lance realized that his big love was really Marla. After seven years of separation, they got back together and realized that they were meant for each other.

Jake and Lulu were childhood sweethearts. But her parents had other plans for her. They favored another man for their daughter and managed to break them apart. She got engaged to the man of her parents’ choice but her heart yearned for Jake. She wrote him a letter that they should elope, but he never got the letter. The maid put it in some drawer and forgot to tell Jake about it. Lulu felt so dejected after not getting an answer from Jake. Meanwhile, her intended groom was also carrying on a love affair with his ladylove who also wanted him to break his engagement and run off with her, which he did not do because of pride. Lulu, thinking that Jake did not love her anymore, went on with her wedding. Meanwhile, Jake also got engaged to another girl. Days before the wedding, while cleaning his drawers, he saw Lulu’s unopened letter. He was so shattered when he read that the love of his life really wanted to be with him and he missed the opportunity to save her from a disastrous marriage. Lulu’s marriage did not work out and neither did Jake’s. They found each other again after eight years of being unhappily married to their spouses. They are now happily married to each other. And Lulu ‘s ex-husband? He is also now married to his lady love. All is well that ends well.

Mark was a popular expatriate in Manila society. His business allowed him to meet a lot of people and being charming and gentlemanly, he got invited to a lot of functions. His wife did not like the Philippines much so she lived abroad most of the time, leaving Mark to socialize alone. But he kept a clean slate and was faithful to her even if a lot of ladies found him attractive and invited him to their dinner parties. One day, Mark announced to his friends that he and his wife were separated. He was devastated but life went on for him. During a trip to Europe, he bumped into Leana, a lady whom he met in an art exhibit in Manila. She was introduced to him by a mutual friend. Leana was in Europe with her sisters and father for holidays. She was alone in a café when Mark walked in. Mark invited her to lunch and she accepted. He enjoyed her company so much that he again invited her for dinner. Leana is a high- profile socialite whose career spanned many aspects: real estate, show production, jewelry, etc. She is an entrepreneur and runs her own company. She is also active in philanthropic work. After that day, they never saw each other again because he had to come back to work in Manila and Leana had to go to the USA. But they communicated by text. Mark knew he was falling for her. In the meantime, Leana was also falling for him and also had broken up with her boyfriend abroad. It was a romance by text. Mark proposed to Leana by text and she accepted. She came back to Manila and both of them started their romance. Mark got assigned abroad and Leana happily went with him. That chance meeting in the café changed their destiny. They were fated for each other.

Sergio and Isa were sweethearts since their teens. She was 16 when they met and he, 17. He went to the US to continue his studies and she stayed to work in Manila and would occasionally go abroad for modeling stints. Then she followed him to the US and they decided to get married. She had to come back to Manila after a few months as her visa did not allow her to stay longer. Sergio promised to follow but somehow did not. Two years passed and no Sergio. Isa got impatient and decided not to wait for him. They both went on with their lives but both of them never got married. They were both still secretly in love with each other. After 11 years of being apart, as fate would have it, Sergio and Isa got back together. They are now happily married, and are the parents of two boys. They both claim to be each other’s destiny.

In the spirit of Valentine’s, here’s to love, destiny and fate. May our lives get enriched by love, may our fate allow us to meet the person worthy of our love, and may our destiny be with the person we love the most!