The five-minute party

When it comes to parties, a lot of the fun is lost in planning it. There are hostesses born to create one seamlessly, and then there are the rest of us who are absolutely clueless.

I’ve thrown my fair share of parties – mostly catered, which is sort of cheating. A real hostess, the robotic and perfect kind, does everything from scratch, from the choice of flowers to the kind of wine that will be served – all is put down in calligraphy.

Since you have only a few days before Christmas and New Year, you’ll probably be rushing from one party to another. However, in the midst of this free-for-all moochfest, you’ll also be expected to host something on some scale.

A last-minute party is not as grim as it sounds. It can actually be fun. With a few of the right phone numbers to call and some creativity, you’ll be wondering why you worried so much.

A Well-Stocked Bar

A home should always have stocked liquor, away from kids and philandering husbands, of course. This will save you loads of sweat planning impromptu activities involving out-of-town friends, relatives and random celebrations.

You should have:

• Booze

• Vodka: Choose two bottles of a good kind for kinder hangovers.

• Your favorite red and white wines: Get four bottles (Rydell is good and affordable).

• Beer: An easy buy at the mini mart.

• Juice

• Champagne: A holiday must (try this great boutique champagne called Bellefon, which is dry as a whistle and delicious at just P700, available at Rustan’s), Prosecco or Cava (Joseph Masachs makes great ones at P1,400 for a magnum, which can serve at least 15 people, available at Terry’s on Pasong Tamo) or a good sparkling wine that doesn’t break the bank (Jacob’s Creek at P700 a bottle at Ralph’s). If you feel like splurging, then I don’t have to tell you what to pick.

Remember, it’s four glasses on average for one person, so calculate generously. As Louie Ysmael would say, there is nothing lonelier than a dry bar.

• Bar ware: Serving trays, serving spoons, cutlery, glassware (if you don’t have one you can rent or buy really cheap ones at SM or my other new favorite, Gourdo’s at the Fort. Get square glasses, they work with everything – promise).

Chic Canapes

The time of day dictates the fare to be served. A last-minute dinner is just plain mean. So say no to any dinner requests, unless you are given four days in advance. Go for a chic cocktail party instead, which by far is an easier option.

• Caviar crisps: Basically a crostini with crème fraiche or sour cream with lumpfish caviar or salmon caviar (or both) on top, available at Santi’s for P300 in a quantity that can serve an entire battalion.

• Brie and honey crisps: Again, crostini with a chunk of Brie in the middle and a dollop of honey (careful not to put too much or it will get messy), then heated for two minutes in a microwave and served warm.

• Prosciutto and mango rolls: Get a piece of ham and roll it in a mango ball or cube and spear with a fancy pick.

• Mini grilled-cheese sandwiches: A big favorite at LA parties, use fancy cheese grilled on crustless bread and cut in four squares. The more varieties, the merrier, especially for vegetarian pals! For a great holiday flavor, buy scrap Christmas ham at bazaars or supermarkets and use queso de bola and mini pandesal and grill. I have gained many friends through this simple sandwich!

• Fruitcake save: Now you know what to do with that fruitcake! Slice and slice again until you get mini cubes, garnish with some stiff cream and serve with a pick!

• Celery and carrots with dip: A no-brainer, just skin and slice!

You can also serve a gaggle of crisps and crostinis with various dips. Please do not use Cheez Whiz – we only do that when we’re drunk or alone (although it is the absolute best in the world!). Check out the bazaars for some dulong, garlic cheese and queso de bola dips. If you are faced with an emergency, mix some sour cream with Parmesan cheese and onions and put in a crystal bowl. It will be pretty much a lifesaver (the crystal bowl, I mean).

Speaking of crystal bowls, these objects of glamour come in handy when you are serving rather off-beat fare. For example, along with chips I like serving Hot Shots of Fun Shots from KFC to my friends. It’s unpretentious and delicious, and people will love you. Just put the pops in a crystal bowl and there’s your save! It goes well with expensive bubbly!

• Salads: Can also be a lifesaver during day soirees. Make a salad bar with every kind of topping you can think of, add lots of fruit, white cheese and nuts and less of the predictable bacon bits and corn. There are lots of dressings to choose from: check out Antonio’s dreamy varieties in Tagaytay or Blue Kitchen. For a meat effect, buy a lechon, kidding (but not really). You can also buy mini burgers and heat them in the microwave. Then again, there’s KFC… I’m such an addict!

• Mocktails: Not everyone’s a lush. So have some yummy mocktails handy for your more virtuous pals. I personally like this one that I sort of borrowed from the Mandala Spa – it’s a lemon-juice drink infused with ginger and honey. Top with a mint leaf and serve in a square glass. The real deal in Mandala is phenomenal, though. Another one to try is to mix watermelon, cucumber and orange purees and add lots of ice. Refreshing! Add seltzer for some bubbly action.

The Quickie Party Table

Now it’s also always easier to have a table filled with food. A great and quick way to fill the table up is to call the right people!

• Caviar pie: A favorite of many, this delectable treat comes with a bag of crisps to enjoy with it. It keeps in the fridge for a week, P1,200. Call Marielle at 0917-532-9174.

• Honey and Brie: A maxi version of the the honey and Brie crisps. Of course, you can enjoy this alone or with crisps. Serve warm, please, P1,200. Call Marielle at 0917-532-9174.

• Apple pie: What’s a holiday party without some warm apple pie? Anna Martha makes the absolute best served with heavy cream – small, P280, big, P500. Call Anna Martha at 0918-890-6757.

• Banana bread: A simple dessert served with some heavy cream or, as I do it, with some raw, warm honey, P275. Call Anna Martha at 0918-890-6757.

• The best cupcakes: Sonja worked in the famed Magnolia Bakery in New York, and she really brings its delectable buttery flavor back to us! It’s so good people will want to sleep with you afterward! P250 for five, P400 for eight. Please order two days in advance. Call Sonja at 0917-845-3800 or send e-mail to socampo77@mac.com.

• Decor: Your first instinct is to put everything you own in full view. However, that’s what those clusters of holly and mistletoe are for. Grab a bunch at SM and dress up your table with these glittery bundles and maybe even some poinsettias, and leave the mistletoe branches on the liquor counter for making out.

• Music: This will be much more important. Go from Frank Sinatra to a more modern groove. Check out Edge Pamute’s "Moodfood" and the "Embassy Midnight to Daylight" (great gifts, too) – all tracks are not the usual remixed kind, he made them all! His grooves are made to accommodate any occasion. So consider yourself cool and lucky!