Angst over pants
July 30, 2005 | 12:00am
Dear Home 911,
I’m too shy to ask anybody about my problem. My jeans and slacks last only from seven to nine months and then I have to discard them. The cause is that I’m a bit on the heavy side and the thigh/crotch area of the pants becomes thinner and thinner until it rips, creating a hole that becomes wider as I wear the pants continuously. I know the cause is friction from my thighs and everyday use. One option is to lose weight; is there another one? – URGENT
I know what you mean, losing weight is easier said than done. If you’re happy with your body and you’re healthy, don’t kill yourself over your size. Don’t you just hate it when stick-thin, size-zero women whine about how fat they are? Naturally I envy these women, but their whining irritates me to death. When I’m bored I dream about rounding them up in a room and force-feeding them triple-fudge chocolate cake and then locking all the bathroom doors so they can’t vomit it out.
Anyway, what you can do is that when you have your pants altered to your length, ask the tailor to patch up the thigh area from the inside with the excess fabric. Or you can keep the fabric and have the jeans patched when they rip, but if it’s denim it means the patch will be darker than the rest of the pants, which will have faded from frequent washings. It goes without saying that you should choose quality pants whose fabric is stronger than cheaper ones.
I’ve searched my books and the Internet but have unfortunately found no spray or product that can strengthen clothing. In any case, if there is one, it’s bound to be more expensive than buying a new pair of pants since you have to use it after every washing. But, who knows, Home 911 readers might know of other solutions which they will hopefully text or e-mail.
I have written you before and just had to do so again. Your Home 911 column is just a delight. Your information is good and the way you give advice is precious. No one here in the States can say things as you do and get it in print. For some reason, Americans can just be too uptight and don’t know how to handle truth and frankness. I enjoy the way you get to your point and inject good humor in your responses.
In your last column you were wondering about who invented the spork. I am not sure who it was either but would like to get in line with you for his well-deserved butt-kicking. The spork has been a source of amusement for me and friends for as long as I can remember. I would like to know more about the banana catsup and piña. – DAVID G.
When my boss told me to start a column on household tips, she said it shouldn’t be a boring advice column. I took that as a license to be bitchy with readers, meaning I could be me and at the same time gossip about my husband on my way to getting to the point. That is why Home 911 is the way it is – part-gossip, part-advice and the rest is me having a little fun.
Yes, we do make catsup from bananas. It’s sweeter than tomato catsup and, perhaps because food dye is cheap, redder. It’s great with fried chicken, but not french fries. If you’re anywhere near a Filipino store in the US, try getting a bottle just to taste. A colleague, though, pointed out to me that it was the Chinese that invented catsup by using soy sauce, but that’s not the same, is it? If it was made from soy, it’s soy sauce, not catsup as we know it.
As for piña (pineapple), there are weavers in some parts of the Philippines that weave the fiber into a very sheer and delicate fabric, which they make into our national dress. Nobody wears the traditional dress except for special occasions where you need to show national pride, like Independence Day or when the President is getting impeached.
Who invented the spork? Blame the US military, which was supposed to have first come up with it in the 1940s. But it was patented only on August 11, 1970 by the Van Brode Milling Company of Massachusetts.
One website, www.aboutdis-hes.com, says that when the US won the war in Japan, Gen. MacArthur (ah, yes, the good general who came back to the Philippines after so many American and Filipino soldiers had already died) deemed the use of chopsticks "uncivilized." He wanted the Japanese to use a spoon and fork, but feared that they "might rise up and retake their country with forks," so they used the spork instead. Yeah, that was a real possibility – forks against atom bombs. Could the Japanese have won the war if they had used forks? Can pigs fly?
Of course, this is a hundred percent Internet bull. After all, there’s also a website where somebody else claims to have invented a similar thing (except the tines are at the bottom), and he calls it the "foon." If this thing takes off, I swear I will eat with nothing but the foon for a year.
So, David, whose ass should we kick?
I enjoyed "Catsup, Spork and Other Guilt Trips" last month. I feel guilty having to dispose of my corporate suits but it seems that I will not be using them anymore in the coming years. Ms. Pack Rat mentioned your very useful spring-cleaning tips column, especially the "Where to Take Your Castoffs" section. Where do I bring year-old imported magazines like Golf Digest and Good Housekeeping? They are just too good to sell to ambulant diyaryo-botes. Two years ago, when I reached 40, I decided to give up my corporate suits and it seems that I will be geared towards wearing scrub suits in the coming years. A year from now, I will be migrating and will have to dispose of all my household items that are still in good condition. I don’t think I will have the time to hold a garage sale. MARY
I really hate to repeat myself, which is why some of the questions I get on the cell phone and e-mail aren’t being answered – they’ve already been answered in past columns. But I’m making an exception with this one because it will benefit charities that welcome donations. As for the garage sale, I think you should do it. It’s easier than anyone thinks. Just dedicate two weekends for sorting out and selling, and you’ll be surprised at the amount of money you will raise. If your pieces are good, they may even buy your plane ticket when you finally get the hell out of these wire-tapped islands.
Here’s where to take your castoffs:
Operation Damayan: Several times a year, the Philippine STAR’s Damayan goes on missions to distribute basic goods to the most depressed areas and those that need aid. It accepts donations of clothing, books, houseware items, and money, which goes a long way to rebuilding lost livelihoods or starting new ones. Located at 13th corner Railroad St., Port Area, Manila. Call Millet Dioso at 527-7901 to 15.
SM Foundation: In January and February, SM holds its annual "Share Your Extras" project and accepts donations of clothing and houseware. In May, it accepts books in time for the start of the school year in June. In November, it accepts toys for distribution during the Christmas season to orphanages and street children. Call 831-1000 local 1495.
Sagip Kapamilya: Run by ABS-CBN Foundation, it accepts clothing and other help in cash or kind for areas hit by natural disasters. Located at 60 Scout Gandia St., QC. Call 411-0846.
Caritas Manila: It accepts clothing and other donations all year round and conducts rummage sales of items that may not suit recipients. Proceeds go to its charitable programs. Located at 2002 Jesus St., Pandacan, Manila. Call Sheila Conti or Gina Santos at 564-1831, 563-8380.
Laura Vicuña Foundation, Inc.: Donations are accepted all year and are distributed to beneficiaries of its centers and programs, which include street children, Laura Vicuña Center (temporary shelter for sexually abused girls), Community Resource Development and Training Center in Negros Occidental, and street outreach. Donations are also shared with other like-minded agencies. Drop-in centers are in Sta. Mesa and Tondo. Located at 3500 V. Mapa Extension, Sta. Mesa, Manila. Call 714-7793, fax 714-7428.
VIDES Philippines Volunteers Foundation, Inc.: The group conducts a weekly street outreach program for urban poor children in Pasay City. It holds annual mission camps for 2,000 children of sugarcane workers in Negros Occidental. For the mission camps held in August, the ideal time for receiving donations is June and July. Same address and telephone numbers as the Laura Vicuña Foundation.
Public libraries: Public libraries and public schools accept book donations. Old Harlequin and Mills and Boone novels are probably not suitable. Out, too, are world and current events booklets from the 1980s – school kids are confused enough these days, let’s not mislead them into thinking there is still a USSR and that half of Europe is under communist rule. I can’t think of better books to give to a child than those by Nick Joaquin and Greg Brillantes.
Eloy’s, UK stores in your neighborhood, and in Bangkal, Makati: If you want to make a little money out of your castoffs – and we really mean little – take them to these places. In the late 1980s, I dragged a friend to Eloy’s and was shocked by two things: How cheap the clothing was priced (no more than P3 per shirt, I think) and that they still used an abacus – the first and only time I’d seen one being used. Stop by the neighborhood ukay-ukay and ask if they buy second-hand clothing, including your old, hideous bridesmaid’s gowns.
Yes, I was. That’s where I got Freeway’s name – from the TV couple’s Lhasa Apso. There’s a funny story to this that I wrote years ago in this section’s PetLife. Whenever people asked me about my dog’s name while waiting at the vet’s, I told them I got it from Hart to Hart and they’d just stare at me blankly. So I invented a story – that I got Freeway from Los Angeles, land of the freeways, and they’d nod their heads in understanding. The last time I told this lie was to a guy I was interviewing, who also happened to have a Labrador Retriever. He said, "You know, there was this show in the ‘80s called Hart to Hart and they had a dog named Freeway…"
On creases and folds created by hangers. Amy writes: Like your friend Ivy, I am fond of wearing cotton tops. I found a way of getting rid of creases. I always have a small water sprayer handy in my dressing room so that as soon as I wear the tops with creases on the shoulder I spray a small amount of water on them. In just a few minutes before reaching my clinic, the area sprayed is dry and the creases are barely noticeable. I hope this will help Ivy.
Your tip will surely help Ivy. As for other matters in her life, nothing will help her. She is a TV addict and a journalist who easily gets depressed by news stories. She’ll crack you up one minute and in the next you’d want to duct-tape her mouth for shooting it off within earshot of whomever she happens to notice.
On Ms. Rat Pack’s guilt. Jan B. writes: I read Ms. Rat Pack’s letter in Home 911. I really do think she should be commended for her "guilt feelings" or Earthling duty in helping the environmental cause by not just throwing things in the dumpster. I have the same misgivings about throwing things that some people might have need of. As a suggestion though, since Ms. Rat Pack is not too keen on maintaining her collection of the condiment packs and plastic utensils, next time she orders a fast-food delivery, she may instruct the order taker to omit these in her food delivery and use instead the ones she has got already, unless the condiments have reached their expiry dates already.
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