Overwhelmed with stress? Try this…

We all get to a point in our lives when we allow stress to triumph over our better judgment. And chances are the result is disastrous and life-altering. Take, for example, the experience of a friend of mine who lives in New York City. She was engaged to be married and she and her fiancé were at the tail-end of their wedding preparations. It was five days before the big day and she was frantically going through the list of those who confirmed for the wedding reception. Her husband-to-be, a diehard Yankee fan, was in front of the TV watching the World Series between the Yankees and their mortal enemy, the Red Sox. This was a crucial game because if the Yankees won, they would be the champion of the World Series. Every New Yorker hooked on baseball would give their right arm for their beloved Yanks to win the World Series. She asked her husband three times what he thought of seating some principal sponsors at different tables where they would feel most comfortable rather than at the presidential table.

Three times, her fiance raised his hand and said, "Later honey, please. This is a tense moment, the Yanks need one home run to win." She got so incensed with his lack of interest in the seating arrangement (for me, it was not his lack of interest, rather, he was INTO his baseball mode and everything else should wait) that she got the TV remote and clicked off the World Series and her married life away. You guessed right, the fight that ensued was irreparable that the wedding was so called off.  

Months of stressful wedding preparations built up to this life-altering situation wherein the couple said adieu! instead of "I do!" If only she had reacted otherwise...if only…if only. There are so many "if onlys" that could have changed our lives if we had controlled ourselves and the way we reacted.  

I was recently sent an e-mail by Frannie Jacinto which I would like to share with you. It imparts a good lesson and could change the course of our lives if we keep it in mind and practice it.  

Here goes: Discover the 90/10 principle as it could change your life. What is this principle?

Ten percent of life is made up of what happens to you; 90 percent of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean? We really have no control over 10 percent of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10 percent.

The other 90 percent is different. You determine it. How? By your reaction. You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Let us use an example.  

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened but what happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter. She breaks down in tears. Then you turn to your wife and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph zone. After a 15-minute delay with a traffic cop and paying a fine, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started out terribly. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home but when you arrive home, there is a rift between you and your spouse and daughter. Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?  

a) Did the coffee cause it?

b) Did your daughter cause it?

c) Did the policeman cause it?

d) Did you cause it?

The answer is D. You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those five seconds was what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have and should have happened.  

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It’s okay, honey, you just need to be careful next time." Grabbing a towel, you rush upstairs. After putting on a new shirt, you grab your briefcase and come back down in time to see your daughter off with a kiss. You arrive five minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on your good disposition.  

Two different scenarios. Both started the same, both ended up different. Why? Because of how you reacted.  

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.  

If someone says something negative about you, don’t be a sponge. Let the attack roll like water on glass. You don’t have to let the negative comment affect you. React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction can result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out, etc.  

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel, curse? And worse, try to bump them?  

Who cares if you arrive 10 seconds later at work. Why let the bad driver ruin your day? Remember the 90/10 principle and do not worry about it.  

The plane is late. It is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study. Get to know the other passengers. Why get stressed out when it will just make things worse.  

Now you know the 90/10 principle. This principle is incredible and very few people know and apply it. That’s why millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. Now that you know it, try to apply this principle and you will be amazed at the results. It could change your life!