Dealing with an Indian giver

A suitor gave me an electronic organizer, quite an expensive one, where I can store data like telephone numbers, addresses, memos, and even send e-mail with the proper attachments. After I used it for two months and downloaded about 50 of my friends’ telephone numbers and addresses, he sent me a text saying that he needed the organizer back and if I could just leave it with one of my maids so that he could pass for it any time of the day. He didn’t even have the decency to call, he had to hide behind a text message. His reason was that he had a buyer. I don’t understand him at all because he comes from a rich family. He also gave it to me voluntarily. I did not ask for it. Do you think he gave it to me in the hope of "buying" my affection, but because our relationship is still at a "friendly" level, he feels I am not worth this expensive gift? What an Indian giver! I really don’t feel like giving it back to him because it was a gift and I didn’t force him to give it to me. Do you think I am wrong in not giving it back?

BETTINA

Whatever his intention was in giving you this gift, whether it was to buy your love or go farther than first base in your relationship, one thing is obvious: There was no sincerity in giving you this gift. No matter how attached you’ve become to this electronic organizer, I would advise you give it back to him because he is asking it back. And with it a message of finality to your so -called friendship. He has no respect for you and if he could do this to you now in the courtship stage, have you ever wondered what he could do when the relationship is reduced to a comfortable stage of familiarity? Your pride and integrity are at stake here. There is no price for both.

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HOW TO BE HAPPY

I was in a dinner party last night and the topic was depression. My friends were telling stories of one prominent matron abroad who committed suicide and other friends who had fallen into the dark pit of depression. My friends and I are, as a whole, normal individuals indulging in normal activities like ballroom dancing, some sports, some charity work, some socials. We all have enough in life and have families. We could not understand how some people, who are wealthy, educated and belonging to good families could be depressed to the point of ending up in the hospital for months or not going out for months. I know that all of us want to be happy and happiness is rather elusive to most people in general and it is generally a fleeting feeling. Is happiness genetic? If so, are some people doomed to be unhappy all their lives?

MARLON

Several factors could cause depression: loss of a loved one, breakup in relationships, or friendships, reversal of fortune, failure in a job, boredom, illness, hormonal imbalance, or worse, a chemical imbalance that causes a person to be manic depressive. Deep-rooted depression could, indeed, cause havoc in a person’s life. The Catholic church, in fact, has already changed its stand on suicide because in a lot of instances, the person was not in his proper state of mind when he committed suicide. Definitely, outside help – like a psychoanalyst, a doctor, a priest or a friend – is needed to lift a person out of it. It should not be taken lightly.

As for happiness, the Declaration of Independence has declared one of our inalienable rights as the "pursuit of happiness". But for millions of people, happiness has remained rather elusive. They have tried to buy happiness. They have tried to force it. They have sought it through pleasurable activities but nothing has worked for them. Researchers now believe that our brains are hard-wired in ways that, to some degree, determine just how happy we are going to be. In short, it’s in the genes. As powerful as these genetic predispositions may be, happiness is still partly within your control, says David Myers, PHD of psychology. "Happy people are hugely resilient on the whole. One thing happy people know is that they don’t get to be happy all the time. They can appreciate the moments, the little victories, the small miracles, and the relationships with one another. They also become more adaptive and more appreciative of the little things. Even in difficult times, these people can find happiness."

Here are some suggestions to try to help bring happiness into your life:

• Nurture your relationships. Maintaining healthy love relationships and friendships can be a challenge. But those challenges and the emotional development that inevitably come with them can promote happiness.

• Join the "movement" movement. Studies show that aerobic exercise is an antidote for mild depression and anxiety. "Happy minds reside in sound bodies" says Myers.

• Act happy. A recent study shows that when people simply acted extroverted, they felt happier than when they acted introverted. Even introverts can act extroverted and be happy.

• Nurture your spiritual side. Faith not only provides valuable support, it’s also a way to focus on something other than yourself. Study after study finds that actively religious people are happier and that they cope better with crises.

• Learn to share with the unfortunate of God’s creatures. Giving of your time to teach poor children in the different outreach programs, or feeding poor children in orphanages is so gratifying and could be a source of happiness.

One way to steer your life toward happiness is simply to count your blessings, and perhaps even create and make regular entries in your own "gratitude journal." People who pause each day to reflect on the positive aspects of their lives (for example, their health, friends, family, education, freedom) are more likely to experience heightened well-being.

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For your questions, write to: Mayenne Carmona, Star Media, Jaka Bldg., Makati.