Something to whine about

I went to a party last weekend. I would like to know if our host did the right thing. I saw him go to his bar and pick out some vintage bottles of wine. I thought it was for all of us to enjoy. I saw the waiter serve the wine to only one table, which I figured, must have been were his closest friends were seated. I was so pissed with him because the other guests were served inferior wine. I went to the waiter and gave him money to serve our table the vintage wines that the other table was getting. The waiter informed me that he was instructed to serve the vintage wine only to one table, but he gave my table the expensive wine just the same because I gave him a fat tip. My host did not know what the waiter did as he was busy entertaining his guests. All guests should be treated equally, am I not right?– Disgruntled Guest

At a wedding reception, the presidential table where all the sponsors are seated get better champagne and wine when the hosts cannot afford the best drinks for all their guests. This is an acceptable practice and the other guests don’t complain. But in a private dinner, this practice is not acceptable. Unless the host gave instructions to the waiters to discreetly serve his vintage wines so that the other guests would not notice. But paying the waiter did not achieve your objective of letting your host realize that he was wrong. It merely gave you the satisfaction of drinking his vintage wines. If you really felt shortchanged about this, and you feel you must tell him, then do so but be ready to lose a friend in the process. The prudent thing to do is to keep quiet about what happened and avoid his parties again.

* * * Charity Begins At A Party

I often get invited to birthday parties or wedding anniversaries where the host/hostess asks for donations to their favorite charities in lieu of gifts. Sometimes this is inconvenient for me because by the time I find I already have a gift for the celebrant. Shouldn’t the host/hostess leave it to the guests to decide what they want to give as a gift? What is the accepted norm regarding this? – Emilia

It has become acceptable to request for donations to one’s favorite charity in lieu of gifts. In such cases, the celebrant already has everything he/she needs. A donation to charity is actually a very good idea because most of these institutions can make good use of the funds. And wouldn’t you rather give to charity than to a rich friend? Usually, a receipt from the institution is given to the donors to prove legitimacy of the donation. However, if your budget is restricted and you already bought your gift, explain this to your host/hostess and for sure she will appreciate the thoughtfulness of your gesture.

* * * B.O. Or Breast Cancer?

I am getting so confused with all the warnings I receive on breast cancer. I read somewhere that deodorants can cause cancer because the chemicals in them are absorbed by the skin causing a build-up of toxins and thus triggering breast cancer. I got so alarmed that I stopped using deodorants. Lately, because I perspire a lot, I notice that I am developing body odor. My boyfriend is very polite but one time he asked me to take a shower because he said I was perspiring. I am back to using deodorants again. I also read that bras with underwires can cause breast cancer, too. But I am very well-endowed and if I don’t use underwires, I will look like I am ready for breast-feeding. Have you heard any reports regarding these matters? – Alarmist

According to the American Cancer Society, there is no experimental or epidemiological evidence to support these rumors about deodorant and the underwire bras being sources of cancer. So, until a more comprehensive report comes out, don’t turn off your boyfriend with underarm alarm and looking like a healthy mama by not wearing the right breast support.

* * * Long-Distance Marriage Proposal

My boyfriend just proposed marriage to me. He is American and lives in San Francisco. We met while I was vacationing there and it’s been a long-distance romance ever since. I belong to a very conservative family and my father will definitely expect an asking of the hand kind of ceremony. But my fiance claims it is so impractical for him to fly all the way here to ask for my hand in marriage and he has financial restrictions too. In fact, we plan to get married abroad in simple rites so we can save enough money to buy a house instead of spending it on a lavish wedding. We are both in our late thirties and we would not want to ask our parents to spend for our wedding. How can he ask for my hand in marriage without coming over? – Atonella

Asking for a loved one’s hand in marriage is more about a declaration of one’s intention, and less about asking permission. Still, having Papa’s consent is the first step to in-law rapport throughout the marriage. Having the financial constraints that he has, a formal letter in long hand (or typewritten if his penmanship is not legible) to your father, followed by a long-distance phone call are the right things for your fiance to do given your situation. But before the letter arrives, talk with your parents about the situation so they will not be taken by surprise.

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For your questions, write to: Mayenne Carmona, StarGate Media Inc., Jaka Bldg., 6th floor, Ayala Ave., Makati City.