The ritzy club saga continues

This is in response to Mr. A’s letter which I read in your column last week about that "ritzy club" in Makati which just had their elections for a new board of directors. Mr. A claims that upon examination of the club’s finances, there didn’t seem to have been a mismanagement of funds – except for the costly computer system which seemed overpriced. It was in fact exorbitantly overpriced! A club does not need a sophisticated computer system that costs P12 million. That kind of system is appropriate for bigger organizations, not for a medium-sized club like this one whose main use for information systems is for accounting purposes only. The club could easily have done with a P3-million system. The system goofed for the first many months of operations because the implementation was not done properly to the disgust of the members who were billed in one lump sum three months later.

Furthermore, serving as a director in any club is always a sacrifice on the part of a member as it is often a thankless job. It is therefore difficult to understand why, once elected, the member clings to the position like a leech even in the face of controversy and criticism. Since there is no compensation nor other "known" perks involved, a director should quickly resign out of delicadeza to prove that he has no vested interest in the position. Which is not what the incumbents did. The controversy in this club has reached scandalous proportions. In retrospect, the situation could have been avoided if the board had been completely open and transparent in all its actions/decisions and made all records available to any interested member. – Mr. L.

This is all moot and academic by now because the elections were over three days ago and hopefully the better candidates won. In any case, the concluded exercise in democracy and freedom of expression cannot be but a positive thing for this ritzy club in Makati. And the lesson for the 2,000 elitist members of this club is to be vigilant from now on of their rights and not to hesitate to question any perceived anomalies if backed up by accurate data. For healthy management, the new board of directors should henceforth be conscious of the need for good governance and transparency.

* * * Don’t Just Drop By Any Time, Call First

What is the rule on friends casually dropping by because they are in the vicinity? I have some friends who do this without calling just because they know I am a single woman and I live by myself in a nice condo. A lot of times I am busy doing a report or in the middle of a beauty treatment. Aren’t visitors supposed to call first before dropping in? – Vicky

Advise your friends that you don’t appreciate unexpected visitors as you have your day all planned out. In fact, when a friend randomly buzzes me at my apartment, I often wonder what strange force possessed her to do such an odd thing! An unexpected visitor could be disruptive. The general rule is: Call first! This allows you to make yourself and your home presentable. If you have been interrupted by unannounced visitors and don’t feel you can send them away, ask your guests to make themselves comfortable in another room (it’s fine to treat a drop-in informally) and finish up whatever you are doing if it can’t be postponed.

* * * How To Make Ex-Husband Leave Me Alone

I am an owner of a new restaurant and also an old boutique in Makati. I am separated from my husband after 33 years of suffering. He is now staying in a plush condominium with his boy toy. He can well afford it now as I gave him a huge amount of money as settlement. I had to buy my freedom for my peace of mind and sanity so the settlement was well worth it.

All throughout our married life, he never supported his family. I had to work so hard to support my children and give them a good education. His main occupation was attending diplomatic parties. In these parties, which we attended together, he would get drunk and make a fool of himself by humiliating me in public and cursing me.

He is gay and has no visible means of income especially after he was forced out by his company, yet he is still distributing the business card with the company’s logo.

My problem is that even after he received the huge settlement, he still continuously humiliates me by writing fabricated stories about me and sending them to our common friends. My children are really affected because they are talked about by the same circle of friends, but he doesn’t care for his children anyway.

What can I do to make him leave me in peace...I am not willing to give him any more money as he got more than what he deserves! – Abused Ex-Wife

If you settle this in court, get a court injunction to order him to stop harassing you. Tell him through your lawyer that giving him more money is definitely out of the question! Your lawyer should tell him to consult an investment counselor for advice on where he could invest the money that he got from you (whatever is left of it anyway). If they know the circumstances, most of your friends will not believe his stories. As for your children, try to make them understand the circumstances of the separation and try your best to shield them from his fabricated letters and blind-items.

* * * Too Experienced For My Daughter

A 42-year-old separated man with three children is courting my single daughter who is fresh out of college and with a promising career ahead of her. My daughter is normally very level-headed and had her share of admirers who are her age group or slightly older but somehow this man was able to spin her head around and now she is stupidly in love with him. He showers her with everything that a young girl would fall for and even if my daughter grew up with all the nice things, this man just spoils her with material things dear to a young girl’s heart.

I talked to her that this man is too experienced for her but to no avail. I talked to this man to lay off my daughter as he has been around and is too experienced for her but he claims he is in love with her and just waiting for his ex-girlfriend (after he separated from his wife he lived with a girlfriend for six years) to sign a financial settlement amicably before he could marry my daughter. This is exactly what I wish not to happen – my daughter marrying this lothario. Short of getting a shotgun and shooting him, I have exhausted all means to cut their relationship. – Francis

Seems like there are a number of separated men who go after young girls fresh out of college and use the technique this man has employed: Showering them with expensive presents. I have heard a lot of situations like this and unfortunately, it’s really your daughter who will decide on the matter. Sad to say, most young girls equate material things with love. I am sure that aside from showering her with expensive presents, he is also taking her to the most expensive dining places and this is another added attraction. Perhaps the only solution to your problem is to send your daughter abroad to further her studies, if your finances permit it. An MBA is at least two years and a lot could happen in two years. Unless this lothario follows her abroad, absence could make their hearts go wander.

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Write your questions to: Mayenne Carmona, Stargate Media Corporation, JAKA Bldg., 6th floor Ayala Ave., Makati City.