Two weddings and a pre-nup

A good friend got engaged to a prominent and wealthy Chinese man. The wedding preparations went without a hitch and she had the most fabulous gown designed by a top designer. She invited friends from all over the world, as she had studied and worked abroad. She was the picture of happiness until three days before the wedding, the groom’s family presented her with a pre-nuptial contract. She was so hassled with the wedding arrangements that she couldn’t think straight. She was also too embarrassed to tell her parents. She didn’t want them to think ill of the groom’s family and she was terrified to cancel the wedding as her international guests were already in Manila. The poor girl signed without consulting anybody. Seven years after the wedding, she separated from her husband and to her consternation, realized that she is not entitled to anything. She hired a good lawyer who said that there could be a case because they made her sign under duress. What should she have done under the circumstances? – Beatrice

I just consulted a lady lawyer whose forte is helping women like your friend. She advises women in situations like this to demand money upfront before signing, like P10 million to start with (she claims this is a minimal amount if the groom is very wealthy as you said). Secondly, she should have consulted a lawyer before signing. Feelings of embarrassment are normal in a situation like this but to put it bluntly, the groom should have been more embarrassed for the crafty manner in which his family conducted the whole business.

This pre-nuptial business is becoming very common in situations where one party is more wealthy than the other. But the decent thing to do for the more well-off family would be to discuss it with the less well-off family months before the wedding so as to give them a chance to get their own lawyer. To do it three days before the wedding is too cunning, with the intention to deceive. A pre-nuptial doesn’t mean that the less well-off party doesn’t get anything. The contract defines things clearly for both parties so they know what to expect in the event of a divorce.

* * * Reception Blues

I just attended a badly organized wedding. The wedding was at 6:30 p.m., but I skipped the rites and went straight to the reception at 8:30 p.m. Since the entourage had not arrived, the door of the reception hall was closed (as requested by the wedding party). They finally arrived at 9 p.m. because the picture-taking at the altar took so long. The newlyweds stood at the head of the reception line to receive guests. In the meantime, we, the guests had to stand around in the ante room until bride and groom entered the reception hall. The women, who were in high heels started grumbling. Some of them walked out. All of them were of the opinion that if bride and groom were going to take long at picture-taking, they should have at least allowed the guests to enter the reception area where they could have chosen their tables, been seated comfortably and ordered their drinks. What do you think? – Mr. Romero

This happens a lot during weddings. The bridal party takes so many pictures in church, oblivious of their wedding guests, some of whom are almost about to faint from hunger. What the wedding entourage should do is not to take too long taking pictures at the altar. They can take pictures during the reception. Bride and groom can mingle with guests and take photos with them for souvenirs. As for the custom of making guests wait while the reception doors are closed, that is not polite. You are right in saying that they should have opened the doors so that those who are already there can take their seats. The seated guests can again stand up and greet the couple in the reception line.

* * * Is It Special To Be Ninong No. 36?

I was invited to be ninong in a wedding and I readily accepted. The groom is the son of an old friend and the bride is the daughter of my wife’s groupmate in school. Because of the closeness of the friendship, I thought I would be extra generous with my gift. I was quite honored and looked forward to the joyous event. Until I found out that I was just one of 36 ninongs! So I changed my mind about the generous gift. Being one of 36 doesn’t exactly make me feel so special. My wife says it is embarrassing not to give a generous gift and that I should stick to my original plan. I don’t think so and we are now arguing about the matter. – Lance

A ninong normally gives a bigger gift than an ordinary guest. I am with you in your theory, that being one of 36 doesn’t exactly make you feel special. It makes me wonder about the motives of a couple who invite 36 men as ninongs with matching 36 ninangs.

Seventy-two godparents in any language, is too much for a wedding and doesn’t show good taste. As for your gift, tell your wife that you would like to give what you deem is appropriate and it need not compete with the gifts of the other ninongs – price-wise.