Every women should have a personal space

My daughter scribbled a note and taped it where I was sure to find it – on my computer screen. "Mama, don’t forget to watch this program tonight – there’s something on ‘granny’s flat!’"

I caught the TV special with the host interviewing Maya Angelou, one of the prominent Afro American women authors today. Angela was talking about her sanctuary – a potting shed. She said that she breathes slower here and her rhythm is calm. When she transplants seeds from the pot to the soil, it gives her a humbling experience because in the end, nature takes over and has its way.

A few minutes passed before I got a deja vu. I had seen and read this somewhere. The rooms were the same ones featured in a book titled A Room of Her Own by Cris Casson Madden, the same host of the TV program that I was watching.

Briefly, Cris Madden believes that every woman must have a designated place in her house or elsewhere where she can renew her balance and harmony so that she could be good for something and someone again, including herself. Cris calls it a woman’s personal space.

Personal space is a hideaway that is not far and unreachable. It is about peacefulness and serenity. It is where you cool down. The key is to make it conducive to curling up and letting the calmness surround, soothe and envelop you. You should not let time and budget restrict you because you can make and find it anywhere, in your own house especially although you must be quick to claim it for yourself before husband or companion, child and pet claim it for themselves.

It can be a closet or that odd space under the staircase that you can line with your favorite books. You can pitch a tent out in the garden or clean up the garage and hang a sign, "Hers." That mango tree with deep roots can be your summer umbrella as you stretch and whistle with the wind. You can improvise and use a divider to create a space within a room. You can also create another "room" in a corner with just an ecritoire or writing desk, two chairs, a flower vase and a table lamp.

For those who love to sing but haven’t built up the "oomph" to go public, you can turn the bathroom to your private karaoke with scented candles and a wicker basket filled with aromatherapy bath and massage oils. Don’t forget the bedroom because it can be your haven or retreat especially if you could arrange to have a fantastic view of the garden and the gazebo or the blue sky and sea. If not possible, you can paint one a la trompe-l’oeil. Bedsheets and linens can be given a good scrub and air-dried before spraying with light starch to smell crisp and freshly ironed. Spraying lavender water on the pillows and mattress carries them one comfort level deeper.

Pick a bare wall and festoon it with souvenirs of theater programs, tickets, dried flowers, love notes, or chocolate wrappers that bring sweet and tingling memories. The only essential thing is that your personal space must be a place where you can treat yourself kindly and well. It is where you can tune out, make a list, talk silly, share secrets, have a good cry, plan, listen to your kind of music, sleep, daydream, draw or make a box, arrange old photos and negatives, read old diaries, giggle at silly anecdotes and misadventures. This is where you shut out the world as you sit motionless to listen to your own heart quietly, and pray. It doesn’t have to be neat or spic n’ span either. A little clutter with things being moved up a bit from time to time gives that lived-in ambience, that "perfect imperfection" feel. Everything here feeds your head and heart. When friends drop by, it’s like welcoming them to the "tree house" of your youth where you reign supreme. It makes you feel that you’re on vacation in your own house.

Sally Quinn, author and journalist, said that women need their personal space because they are responsible for so many things today for so many people. "We seem to have time to nurture everyone but ourselves. Often, we give away the best of what we have to everything else and save nothing for us. A private place helps us to get back, retrieve, and recreate what we have bestowed on others even if we’re just going to go back out and give it away again. It’s so refreshing and energizing to be able to say, ‘Hey! What about me for a change?’"

To my friend who’s a food wiz, the tiled wonder of her kitchen with the smell of freshly-baked buco pie invigorates her. My aunt merely goes to a corner of her garden where she lights a candle and draws deep breath while a nun found hers in an old log just outside the retreat house. Sitting on the log gives her a soft, misty view of the horizon that keeps her in awe of the magnificence of God. High-profile talk show host Oprah Winfrey retires to a room filled with her much- loved photos of friends and dogs and another featuring her favorite quote from the Wizard of Oz, "You don’t need to be helped any longer. You’ve always had the power!" Another friend takes a stroll on the beach to gather shells and big, smooth stones that she paints with flowers and birds while my other friend who’s been confined to a wheel- chair, weaves cut glass balls on a long table that she gives away to friends. She calls them her sun "catchers."

I also grew up with favorite spots in our house. They were special because they cannot be taken from or added to without my consent. They also changed as I did! There was the tall mango tree in our backyard and my dollhouse corner with my collection of miniature tea sets in grade school; my pink bedroom filled with long-playing records of hits of the ’60s and my transistor radio playing 24 hours in high school and the garden grotto in college. Today, my personal space conforms to a more "retiring" outlook in life where the spirit is nourished, and silence, a valued companion.

I still haven’t given up, however, the idea of someday moving to my dream house. Not the sprawling, large and rambling ranch estate with the long and winding driveway but a little weather board, one-bedroom affair called a "granny’s flat."

Agranny’s flat is small, comfortable and affordable. Mine would be brag-, show-off and pretentious-free. It will house all the furniture and things I grew up and old with that will trigger memory, sweet and strong, but won’t hold me hostage of the past. Of course, its mere description "granny" would typecast me as old (ouch!), incorrigible and intolerant. But this is the luxury that comes with age and territory. It could be attached to the main house or could be constructed next to it – that is, if my children would have me! Otherwise, I’d be happy to have it stand on its own.

My granny’s flat will be a repository of my priceless possessions: my collection of Le Petite books and paraphernalia, photo albums, books, music library and video collection of classic movies and musical plays. There will be a corner for my ribbons, wrappers and gift boxes plus a craft table where I can create something pretty and unique. The bathroom will have the smell of candles and lavender, mint, peach or cinnamon. I would walk barefoot, read or create something by hand – all in good time. Music will continuously play while it travels to all the corners of the flat like the sweet scent of melted chocolate on a chocolate soufflé torte. I will also put up a sign that says, "In this house, the mice are friendly with the fireflies." An old, forgotten Chinese proverb signifying that all creatures can live in harmony. When I turn the key, the walls will smile with peace and warmth to mirror my little, uncomplicated world.

My granny’s flat is still a twinkle in my eyes, a dream. If it never comes, it’s no big loss. There’s always my own quiet, personal place to come back to. Here, I feel I’m home and happy to be. Every woman should, too.