‘Should I patch things up with my aunt because it’s Christmas?’

DEAR EPPY,

Christmas is fast approaching.  My concern is about my aunt who I was close to since I was a child.  She lived with her mom then.  They lived two houses away from our house.  She would always take me from my mom and play with me the whole day and bring me back to my mom when it was almost time for dinner.  She was about 24 years old then.  I find it amazing that this 24-year-old woman would play with a little girl instead of spend time with her friends.  She cared for me like her own child.  Even now that she has a family of her own, she still treats me like her own daughter.  I love her dearly.

Unfortunately, there was a situation recently where she and I had a conflict and she ended with, “I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”  In my anger, I told her, “... go to hell,” and left her at the restaurant.  This happened seven months ago.   I wonder if it is best to go to her now because it is Christmas.  I want to patch things up with her.  I miss her so much.   SAD NIECE

DEAR SAD NIECE,

You seem to have a fatalistic attitude towards life.  Sure, there are things that we cannot change.  We cannot change our height, skin color, hair color, eye color, and so on.  We can mask these characteristics, but we cannot actually change them.  For example, we can add heels to our shoes to become taller, take bleaching agents to change our skin and hair color, and use contact lenses.  But it does not really change the color permanently and the height.  Yet, there are things in life that we can actually do something about.

 Some people think that they are poor because they were born poor.  This is a fatalistic attitude.  One may be born poor, but if this person works hard towards getting a good education and works hard to earn money, then this person can become wealthy one day.  This is an example of something you can change.  You fought with your aunt not because it was bound to happen.  It happened because you reacted to your aunt’s statement.  If you did not react to it, you would not have left her at the restaurant all by herself.  Saying, “go to hell,” or leaving her at the restaurant was not done by life.  You left her and you said, “… go to hell.”

The explanation above also tells you that it is time to patch things up with your aunt not because it is Christmas but because you are emotionally ready to deal with her at this time.  I think it is your pride that put a distance between you and your aunt.  Yes, I do agree, that there are people who are difficult to deal with.  But these people will actually tell you not to see them anymore.  Your story does not look like your aunt does not want to see you for the rest of her life.  She just said, “… I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”  This statement can mean she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore at that point in time.  It can also mean she does not want to talk to you about the topic anymore.  But you chose to interpret it as not wanting to talk to you for the rest of your life, leading you to think that she was rejecting you big time. 

 So, I think she is just waiting for you to calm down.  It was you who decided to leave her in the restaurant, then it is you who must make the decision to tell her you are ready to talk now.  Take responsibility for your life and your feelings.  She never stopped you from seeing her.  Taking responsibility for your feelings means being aware that your feelings make you do things, instead of thinking that your aunt is the one that made you stay away from her.   

Therefore, go to your aunt because you want to not because life wants you to.

EPPY

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Email eppygochangco@gmail.com.