Being sad is not being depressed

DEAR EPPY,           

I wonder if I am depressed.  Recently, I left my boyfriend of two years.  After that, I would always be sad in the morning.  I miss him and wish that I could see him again.  But I got too tired having to defend myself to him. 

Whenever we would meet, he’d always think I would do him harm.  For example, about six months ago, we met at a mall.  As he was approaching, I was searching for my car keys because I thought I dropped them somewhere.  When he said “Hi!” I also said “Hi!” After that, he was cold and distant.  I wondered why he acted that way.  I asked him what was wrong.  He didn’t say anything.  But after a while of argument, it came out that he was accusing me of disrespecting and ignoring him. 

It was always like that.  I couldn’t take it anymore so I told him three months ago that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore.  From that time on, he would text me as many as three times a week, but I would let him know that I was not interested anymore.

But now, I am scared that I might be depressed because I’m always sad.  I have always been a happy person.  Sometimes, I just want to stay home.  Am I depressed?        SAD PARTNER

DEAR SAD PARTNER,

It is difficult to diagnose a person without seeing that person.  So I really can’t say if you are going through a depression.  It is best for you to check with your mental health care provider as he/she would be the best person to diagnose you.

It is much more abnormal for people to be happy and dancing around after breaking up with someone he/she loves than it is to be sad.  It is normal that you feel sad, which you refer to as “depressed.”  Being sad is not being depressed.  When you are sad, you don’t have other experiences.  But depression is something else.  The person with depression will also experience other things.

Depression will cause a person to feel lazy or unmotivated, eating habits change, the way one thinks changes, sleeping habits change, irritability is a common experience, and interest in some activities will change.  However, the mentioned symptoms do not necessarily mean that the person has a bad case of depression already.  People who lose someone they love will experience these things, too.  However, after a few weeks or months, this person will recover and start going back to how he/she was before.

Your decision to leave your boyfriend is the best thing you could do for yourself.  What you have said tells me that he is an abusive person, if not an abuser. 

Apparently, your boyfriend is paranoid.  It is natural for someone to be a bit paranoid.  However, it is not normal if a person thinks that the people around him/her are constantly planning something ill against him/her.  It can be tiring to always have to defend yourself to your boyfriend.

Chances are, your boyfriend’s paranoia has caused you to doubt yourself, which makes you feel guilty about leaving him.  You have to be confident about your decision.  You must not consider that you were wrong in leaving him.  An abuser can wear you down and make you succumb to the idea that there is something wrong with you.

Forget your ex-boyfriend and find someone who can make you feel that you are the most beautiful woman in the world.  You deserve to be happy in a relationship.                                                                              EPPY

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Email: eppygochangco@gmail.com