‘My wife feels pain whenever we have sex’

DEAR EPPY,

I am from Malawi, Africa and I chanced upon your article in The Philippine STAR.  I am now 27 years old.  Six months ago, I got married to a wonderful woman.  My wife is 23  years old. 

Our problem is about sexual intercourse.  Whenever we have sex, she feels so much pain.  After sex, she still feels the pain.  She can’t even walk until after 30 minutes to an hour.

Please help me.  What can I do for her to be okay?       MALAWI HUSBAND

DEAR MALAWI HUSBAND,

I was able to find this article published by Harvard Women’s Health Watch entitled “When sex gives more pain than pleasure.” This article seems to address your present concern.  The problem you present is called dyspareunia.  This is when a woman experiences pain before, during, and after indulging in sex. 

The article reports that although this problem can happen at any age, a woman undergoing menopause would be the more likely female to suffer from this.  The pain usually ranges from mild to extremely painful.  It can start either suddenly or it may start from a slight pain and gradually develop into intense pain.

Harvard Women’s Health Watch also reports that the causes may vary.  One of the possible causes may be hormonal changes.  The others may be nerve problems or emotional problems.  There is also a possibility that skin diseases may be the cause of the pain.  Possible skin problems could be eczema and psoriasis.    

Vestibulodynia is the most common cause of pain in the vagina.  Any form of touch can cause pain. This is the condition that women in their menopausal stage will  most likely have. 

There is the possibility that a psychological factor may be to blame, too. Harvard Women’s Health Watch also mentions that “... stress, anxiety, depression, guilt, a history of sexual abuse, an upsetting pelvic exam in the past, or relationship troubles,” may contribute to the development of pain in the vagina area for women.

Unfortunately, this condition not only makes women avoid sexual intimacy, it also causes problems in their relationships with partners.  There are some women suffering from dyspareunia but are not able to get help.  However, this should not be the case because there are treatments for this condition. 

Harvard Women’s Health Watch reports that treatments can be one of the following: vaginal estrogen to help in vaginal atrophy; lidocaine to numb the area, it’s best to use this before sex, otherwise it may affect the man; surgery, which is considered the last recourse to this problem; counseling to address the emotional problem that may cause the pain; and pelvic floor physical therapy. 

The pelvic floor exercises help strengthen the pelvic floor muscles.  The physical therapy will help reduce tightness and strengthen the muscles of this area.  The physical therapist supposedly will use massage and gentle pressure to help the vagina area improve its tissues and muscles. When the time comes, even the interiors of the vagina will also be massaged.

Unfortunately, Mr. Malawi Husband, you are not from the Philippines.  Consequently, I wouldn’t know where to go to find alternatives for your wife.  You see, there is a possibility that some women might feel embarrassed to have other people massage their vagina. 

I discovered that here in the Philippines, the Belo Medical Group has a machine that mimicks the physical therapists’ massages.  It is called the Femi Lift.  It is supposed to treat the very concern you mention.  That is, it supposedly can take away the pain when women indulge in sexual intercourse.  For those interested in this machine, the contact numbers of Belo Medical Group are 817-7178 and 819-2356.

EPPY

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(Author’s note:  The support group for addiction has been a success.  For those interested to join the group, you are welcome.  Call 09476574487 or e-mail surrogathelfen@gmail.com.  For those interested in the support group for battered women and women cheated on, contact the same numbers and e-mail address.)

E-mail eppygochangco@gmail.com.