Sorry for regrets?

Regrets, I’ve had a few but then again too few to mention,” sang my favorite balladeer Frank Sinatra.  Regret is a universal feeling and we experience it throughout our life.  I can count the number of times when I fell short of knocking my head on the wall for making a choice without weighing things or considering the consequences.  Other times, the regret came when I didn’t follow my gut feeling that urged me to grab the moment and use it.  There was that nagging voice that said, “Hala ka!  There may not be a next time.  And then you’d have to eat humble pie like I told you so.”

Among them:

A degree in mathematics and numbers.  I wasn’t good in math until someone showed me the merits of facing my fear and conquering it.  Still, I chose a safe course that never challenged my faculties.  At that time, women were not expected to excel in any given profession except in a home setting and the kitchen.  Why then do I find it fascinating to see extreme structures soaring above the skies and making a statement of their grandeur and magnificence?  Would I not have found fulfillment in designing buildings and bridges that would serve as monuments to ingenuity and a breakthrough in art and form? 

Breaking my mother’s heart.  I didn’t know any better.  I thought in my 20s I knew enough about guarding myself against all kinds of violent storms.  I didn’t realize that my mother’s protective instinct was the kind of strength that I should have harnessed to shield and protect me.  She was after my welfare, always. 

Exchanging words with my son, spoken gratingly and angrily.  That was a result of keeping thoughts all bottled inside.  When the situation became dicey, all hell broke loose and like a volcano spewed lava and fire.  I realized my big mistake, but why does it seem that words of apology fell short and never quite hit the mark to apply balm to an open wound?  It was not until the passing of time that we all moved on.  Is this what it means when Time becomes a great healer?  Not until we went through the process of licking our wounds and giving time for contrition did we find the way to forgiveness?   

Burning bridges.  Not to me personally, but I’ve witnessed family feuds when siblings hit each other with harsh and unkind words vowing to erase each other from each other’s lives as if they were never of the same blood nor raised under the same roof.

Dropping out of school is like burning your bridges, too.  A mother got the shock of her life when her daughter, three weeks short of graduation, announced, “I dropped out of school.”  The mother opposed it and advised her daughter to weigh things calmly, take a leave if she must, but not drop her course completely.  She refused.  Imagine, four years down the drain.  In the end, she shifted from one odd job to another, mainly temping in offices or waitressing in trendy restaurants.  Now that she’s older, she realized the folly of her ways; she had confined herself to mundane jobs because she was under qualified.  A hard lesson to take.      

If you were mad and quit your job, you’ll also be burning your bridges behind you.  It’s a small world, you’re bound to meet the people you’ve crossed in the past and what happens then?  Why not maintain courtesy and decency and leave without making enemies?

Reaching a point of no return is similar.  There’s no turning back.  It’s do or die.  You are completely overtaken by emotions, therefore cannot think straight.  Instead, you force your way through, like meeting head on an immovable force.

In an online article, Amy Bellows, PhD, cited similar themes of regret:

Work: Not choosing a different occupation or not pursuing meaningful employment.  There must have been a lack of ambition or drive if we settled for a job that didn’t bring out our great potentials. 

Marriage: Covering the whole gamut ranging from wishing one had married earlier, later, to a different person, or not at all.  Marriage is so uncertain.  What seems to work is if you choose a person who you like enough to be a friend to begin with.  Find a person who has faith, wisdom, honesty, and integrity who could lead you and your future children with humility and strength that comes from knowing God. 

Family: Of not getting along better with their parents, siblings, or children.  So much drama occurs that could cause a rift, temporary or permanent.  A friend has never spoken to her father for decades now.  Once, she saw him in a shopping mall and they passed each other like strangers.  I wonder whether she’d carry this beyond the grave.

Aging:  From brooding, suffering chronic emotional distress, or regularly making hasty decisions.  We need to develop a healthy attitude towards growing old.  Things would be gentle and calmer if we know the limits of our mind, our body, and our faculties.  No such fountain of youth in our lifetime.

While regret is unavoidable, it can serve as a starting point so that we learn from it and work harder not to experience it again.  Regret can also serve as a reminder that if we only knew what we know now and had a better grasp of the situation -- that comes with maturity -- we would have chosen differently. 

Who could have told us so?