Devil Woman

On one of those circumstances that I had to obtain a clearance from the National Bureau of Investigation (NBI), I discovered that I had at least four namesakes registered with the agency.  Just think, four Letty Lopezes.  It’s for this reason why I write out my middle name in full.

“We need to dig into our records to ensure that you are who you claim you are, that you’re not a security threat or involved in any organized crime,” said the agent.  The agent revealed to me that one of my namesakes was serving a life sentence for poisoning and murdering her husband.  “Really?”  I gasped.  “The husband was involved in a string of illicit affairs, fathering children in succession, so she killed him,” said the agent.

Just like that?  Something must have snapped inside her head that drove her to commit this crime.  Imagine, a slow, painful and excruciating death.

What about Lorena Bobbit and the notoriety she gained for severing her husband’s genital organ with a knife?  Her lawyer claimed that Lorena was mentally and physically tormented and when she reached the end of the rope, she turned homicidal.  If you drive a woman to desperation, she is capable of inflicting pain to a contemptible degree.

Who can fathom a woman’s psyche?  She can be gentle, generous, funny and giving, and yet be scheming and diabolical.  Beware of her dark side.  Men especially, be wary. 

“Of all the deadly sins, jealousy is the most deadly,” said one psychiatrist.  One celebrated case was that of a woman who became so obsessed and insanely jealous of her husband that she suspected everyone of carrying an affair with him, including her own sister.  She hatched a plan to eliminate her sister.  She invited her sister to go night swimming in a lake.  The sister developed cramps and screamed for help, but she didn’t respond, instead she watched her sister drown.  When the SOCO investigators arrived, she blamed an undercurrent that pulled her sister under.

There are also women who had gone to extremes to seek revenge. They don’t forgive and don’t forget.

A gullible, naïve girl fell in love with a dashing soldier.  “I’ll be back in three weeks and don’t forget to buy a wedding gown,” he hollered from the train platform.  He never came back.  Licking her wounds, she vowed to get even.  She went back to school and got herself in society’s inner circle, becoming a courtesan to a tai-pan.  When she had amassed enough wealth and influence, she hired an investigator to track down her former lover.  She made sure he was fired from work with no chance of being hired by other companies.  Their paths eventually crossed, according to her plans. When he was reduced to despondency, she held sway, treated him like scum before abandoning him.  This was sweet revenge.

Others take a subtle, comical way to inflict shame, trouble, and harm on errant husbands.  An aging Lothario didn’t stop mistreating his wife.  One day, he surprised her by seeking her advice.  “What should I do with my thinning hair?”  The wife replied, “I know exactly what you need.”  The next day, the husband wore a thick toupee that made him look like Liberace, gaudy and tasteless.  Everyone snickered behind his back. “Trust me.  You’re just as irresistible as when I first met you!” the wife cooed.  Didn’t he see that his wife — like in the fairytale — turned him to the emperor who wore no clothes?  He became the laughing stock of the community while she stayed cool and nonchalant, indeed a smooth operator.

Another served dog food to her husband, mixing it with his favorite garlic rice.  “Hey!  This is the best corned beef I’ve ever tasted,” he said.  He never detected the difference. 

To a pragmatic, disgruntled wife, she withdrew their joint savings account and opened a solo account including transferring titles of prime property to her name.  How did she manage to do that?  She cackled, “Not just a pretty face, remember?”  Her war cry remained steadfast:  “Don’t get even, get everything.”

Her ploys and triumphs have also been celebrated in songs:

You’re evil like the winds that bring high tide, you bring sorrow and grief. (Marty Robbins)

There’s a moral, so listen to me pal, there’s a little of Delilah in each and every gal. (Neil Sedaka)

I thank God I dodged a bullet.  You don’t deserve my tears.  It’s time to face the facts that I’m the one that got away.  Lord knows that it would take another place, another time, another world, another life, thank God I found the good in goodbye. (Beyonce)

Finally, if you want to be happy for the rest of your life (Jimmy Soul), take this word of advice: Never, ever do her wrong.