‘Is sex making me look old?’

Dear Eppy, 

I am confused right now.  I have a boyfriend with whom I have been for two years now.  My boyfriend devirginized me on the 10th month of our relationship.  I had a beautiful body before.  Now, a lot of people say that I look like a matron.

When we have sex, we use the withdrawal method.  Is it true that it is bad for a woman to use this method?  What should I do?

Young Matron 

Dear Young Matron,

I have researched about sexual practices and their effects on beauty.  I have not found any study that associates sexual practices with looks.  Instead, during the course of my research, I discovered that sex may be beneficial to your health, no matter the technique of avoiding pregnancy.  For example, in the website WebMD, it is claimed that sex: lowers stress and blood pressure, boosts immunity, burns calories, and improves the condition of the heart.  Those benefits should make you look younger, not older.

It’s best for you to look into the state of your relationship with your boyfriend.  In my practice, I notice that couples who come to me with sexual problems usually have relationship problems.  They avoid talking about it.  After a few sessions of psychotherapy, they discover that they have so much resentment against each other.  These resentments now are brought to the sexual encounters, which make both parties feel bad after sex. 

Do you feel that your boyfriend is giving you enough time?  Do you think that you are his priority?  Do you feel that you are the most important person in his life?  These are but some of the needs that people have in any relationship.  If the answers to these questions are “No,” then this may be the reason why you feel you look old.  Emotional stress can affect a lot of things in our body.  For example, Bruce Bower in Science News wrote that emotional stress may affect the immune system.  In the International Journal of Dermatology, Basavaraj, Navya, and Rashmi wrote that stress is a well-known triggering factor in psoriasis.  Finally, in Good Housekeeping, stress can affect one’s complexion.  The more you worry, the more your complexion suffers. 

I suggest that you verbally communicate with your partner.  Verbally express your feelings to him and allow him to verbally express his feelings to you.  If both of you have difficulty verbally expressing your feelings to each other, I encourage you go to a professional to help you communicate better.  Your looks may be affected by something deeper than your sexual practice.

Eppy 

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‘Should Desperate Woman tell her husband the truth?’

Dear Eppy, 

I like your response to Desperate Woman, well researched and to the point (Tuesday, February 19).  Now, you’ve got me curious.  Should Desperate Woman come clean with her husband and tell him the truth?  Should she tell him that he is not the father of the child?

Curious Man 

Dear Curious Man,

When I was a student taking up my graduate studies, it was impressed on us in Psychology that the word “should” is a word that has social pressure.  That means one must do what one “should” because society dictates that this is the best way and the only way.  If a person thinks away from what society dictates, it is considered wrong or not acceptable.

(For readers who did not read the problem of  Desperate Woman, she had a child with her ex-boyfriend, but her husband thinks that the child is his.) 

I’d rather not say what Desperate Woman should do because lives will be affected.  If Desperate Woman does not tell the husband about it, she must deal with the consequences of that option.  If she tells him about it, there are also consequences that she has to deal with.  Only she knows the consequence she is willing to take.

As a responsible writer for a newspaper, I must consider that Desperate Woman might do exactly what I write and might make her responsible for consequences she might not be willing to take.  I hope this indirect response is good enough for your question. Eppy

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E-mail eppygochangco@gmail.com.