The chemistry of fatherhood

My niece recently gave birth to a lovely baby girl. Technically, I suppose that it makes me a lolo once again at 47 (another niece bore a son a few years ago). When I first saw the child two weeks ago, she seemed so small and fragile that I was afraid to hold her. Has it really been that long since I last changed my children’s diapers?   I finally gathered enough nerve to carry her in my arms. It felt awkward at first and I thought I saw a flicker of panic momentarily flash across my niece’s face that I might somehow break the baby’s neck. But then, all those years of “on-the-job training” with my own kids kicked in and I soon felt comfortable enough to multi- task with my right hand while she lay on my left. Heck, I even felt ready to burp her, feed her, and wrap her in swaddling clothes!   As I stared at her tiny face, my thoughts went back to one morning years ago when I received what I thought was one of the best compliments I ever got from another father. I was sitting down near the entrance of a store cradling my daughter who was fast asleep in my arms. She had a bad skin allergy then, which kept her awake and uncomfortable most of the time. Any amount of sleep that she could get, wherever and whenever, was therefore precious. I remember looking down at her, love-struck and marveling at how beautiful she was, when an elderly man (another lolo, I suppose) walked past us. He stopped before he reached the door, turned around, and went up to me. “You know,” he smiled, “I remember looking that way at my daughter once, too!”

If there is one thing that I hope I’ve been able to convey to readers through my column is how important fatherhood truly is. Numerous studies have already shown that the psychological impact of fathers on their children is just as important as that of the mothers. But another aspect that I also want to stress is how enjoyable being an involved father is. I personally have found it so fulfilling that I’ve essentially rearranged my entire work schedule so that it would not interfere with my paternal duties. As one parent wrote, “It’s fun to see them developing into real people and see their personalities grow and develop, and to see yourself in them.” Of course, being a full-time dad is not possible or ideal for everyone. Yet one unmistakable fact is that fathers today are still not spending enough time with their kids. In the Psychology of Fatherhood, Marty Batten notes that one thing that has baffled anthropologists is why human fathers spend comparatively much less time with their offspring than other species. He writes, “Among foraging humans, children need 19 years — and consume 13 million calories — before producing more food for their community than they take from it. You’d think fathers would be hardwired to provide for such needy offspring, and yet there is more variation in fathering styles across human cultures than among all other species of primates combined.” According to some research, even monkeys are apparently far better fathers than we are. There may be a lot of reasons for why this is so. But science may now provide some clues and a possible solution.   

Some recent studies in the US suggest that when women get pregnant, they emit pheromones that trigger hormonal changes in their mates to biologically prepare them for fatherhood. According to researchers, it mirrors the same type of hormonal changes caused by pregnancy that encourage a mother to love and nurture her child. In a paper made by psychologist Anne Storey, she reports that as the delivery date neared, the expectant fathers who participated in her study experienced significant hormonal changes. Analyzing Storey’s research, Graeme Hamilton revealed that “In men, levels of prolactin, the hormone responsible for producing breast milk, increased by about one-third between the middle and end of the pregnancy. The levels were still well below those in lactating mothers, but the researchers say the prolactin boost could make a father more responsive to his infant even if he is not much use in the feeding department.” On the other hand, cortisol, which is a hormone that has been linked to the mothers’ attachment to their newborns, was also found to have doubled in the men. At the same time, the men’s level of testosterone, or the so-called male hormone associated with sex and aggression, fell by about 33 percent. According to neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine, “That may have helped the species to survive. A human baby needs two full-time caregivers — maybe more. So a baby is more likely to survive if Dad is at home to help, rather than out looking for new romantic conquests.” While the dip is temporary and returns to normal by the time the babies were one to two months old, the brief drop may have lasting effects on the father-child bond. Hamilton stresses that there is one important detail that must not be overlooked in Storey’s study: “Only couples living together took part in the study. The hypothesis is that fathers who do not live with their babies’ mothers would not undergo the same changes.”

In the end, there may be many other reasons or factors that influence the kind of fathers we will be. But Nature and science seem to be telling us something that might get the “chemistry” right. Kick-start your daddy brain! Support your partner all throughout her pregnancy and breathe in all those pheromones!   Hold on to your babies for as long and as often as you can after they’re born and keep all those “parenting hormones” flowing! 

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