Self-discipline and self-worth start in the family
MANILA, Philippines - Parents, do you know where you child is? He’s probably in front of the computer surfing the Net. But fret not!
Clinical psychologist Dr. Ma. Lourdes “Honey” Carandang tells parents not to view the Internet as an enemy. “We can use technology as an aid. We can sit down with our kids and agree on boundaries. Yes to Facebook, but agree on editorial rights, not censorship,” she elaborates.
Sharing her own experience, Dr. Carandang shows how she and her daughter have agreed on a system. She doesn’t have access to her daughter’s password, the kid opens her Facebook, they discuss the content. “It becomes an extension of parent-child relationships.”
In her essay “Parenting is Nation Building,” Dr. Carandang states that self-discipline and self-worth start in the family, the lack of which also constitutes the core problem of our country today. Situating the parent in the role of nation building, Jurist Gamban of Globe Telecom finds that children today use the Internet in the same manner their parents used to hang out. The kids lock themselves in their rooms, turn on the computer while the TV is on. This in itself seems to indicate a fear of the world out there. The biggest success of the social networks is that kids could publish their thoughts and get recognized as an individual, observes Gamban.
Through her eight-year career in the telecommunications industry, Gamban affirms that some 14 to 23 percent of children may be victims of sexual solicitation. Others are prone to cyber bullying where insulting photos of a kid could have been posted by kids on the opposite camp. When it becomes quite obvious that a kid is spending too much time on the Internet, the parent should insure other forms of entertainment are available, like books, games, and family activities, she says.
There are more ways of controlling content on the Internet. Globe, who pioneered in the Fair Use Policy on the Internet, also partnered with a brand that blocks sites that may include sex, violence, alcohol addiction as well as dangerous cartoons. Such brands on the market mostly come from previous Anti-Virus providers. We googled Norton and found in their services “Parental Control Management.” This tracks websites potentially dangerous, which could be blocked. It manages the kids’ computer time. It gives alerts should the kid attempt to enter a blocked site. It reports on kids’ social network activities and who they are chatting with.
While there are those who welcome this service, there is the matter of invasion of privacy, another aspect to be considered.
In Carandang’s Self Worth and the Filipino Child, one of her bestselling books for parents, she points out that parents and teachers need to be instruments towards the child’s self-esteem, by giving time to him and never being too busy to recognize what is right as well as what is wrong. Addiction to the Internet is clearly a result of absentee parenting.
These and other such issues are being offered by the MLAC Institute for Children and Families at Merk’s Place starting with “Parenting is Nation Building,” followed by “Helping OFW Families,” “Understanding & Preventing Child Abuse and Family Violence,” “Trauma Healing,” and “Caring for Carers.”
Dr. Carandang asked parents to be cognizant of their children’s behavior, sensitive to what they are watching and mimicking on television and the Internet. Mimicking a teleserye, a child says while stomping her feet, “Sampid ka lang dito. Walang hiya ka.” She may not understand the words, but she catches the emotion and knows it is an insult. In watching shows of superheroes, the child knows right from wrong, that good guys always win over bad guys. But, for example in Power Rangers, Carandang points out that “ it will not yet occur to the child to ask whether killing the bad guys is the only way to win, or if violence is the only way to correct a wrongdoing.” Many other examples are included in her book on self-worth.
Obviously, it is foremost the parent, then the teacher who can guide the child. There is the danger that in the absence of both, it could be the yaya, or television who will provide the child with the all-important values formation.
Parents in the audience shared stories about how to deal with kids’ addiction to the Internet. One told of her child who had an assignment he was submitting with classmates the next day. But they spent time on other things on the Internet. He wanted to sleep and work on it in the morning. The mom said, sorry you need to do it now and called all the other moms of the kids to impose the same measure. One only has to be vigilant and forceful about what will be excused and what will not.
Dr. Carandang pioneered in group play therapy for children which has led to many discoveries. If a child at a young age refuses to play, she told the audience, then something is very wrong. The child also uses his drawings to indicate his problems. And there are ways of unearthing this through scientific methods. When we were active in holding our SNACK (Summer Nature Arts Camp for Kids) in early 2000, we remember vividly two kids with problems we discovered in our art class. One drew darkness and hell most of the time. Another drew her home as very small at the end of a long and winding road. We immediately alerted the parents to seek professional help.
The MLAC board of trustees is a veritable treasure trove of who’s who in various fields, like Dr. Joven Cuanang, Gina de Venecia, Vicky Garchitorena, Che Che Lazaro, Atty. Katrina Legarda, Roni Tapia Merk, Dr. Patricia Licuanan of CHED, Lorna Kalaw-Tirol, Carlos Arellano, and Dr. Brigido Carandang.
Call the MLAC Foundation at 569-9726, or e-mail mlac.institute@gmail.com.
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