Why do we have funerals?
Mama, do you want to ‘rest’ already…?” my sister asked our ailing mother at the hospital. Then she added, “…as in ‘Rest-in-Peace’?” My other siblings and I could not help but smile and chuckle. Ordinarily, a comment like that would really sound inappropriate. But although the atmosphere at the hospital room was somber, there was also an element of lighthearted anticipation similar perhaps to the feeling you get when you’re about to go home after a long journey. The mood inside was definitely a lot less serious than it was two years ago when my mother almost died. At that time, everyone was not ready for it and there were too many unresolved matters. Against the odds, my mother cheated death then and managed to reach her 90th birthday last July. She had been going in and out of the hospital ever since but for a brief period of time leading up to her birthday, she was in relatively good health. She even managed to walk up and down the stairs by herself. During the weeklong natal celebrations, we let her eat all the bawal or “illegal” food she wanted. In between all of that time, I think that she and each one of her children also got to tell each other everything that needed to be said. And so when the Lord finally took her last November 13, I believe that it was indeed the time for her to finally rest.
My mother was old-school and so we held a traditional funeral service for her. Man’s funeral customs are as old as civilization itself. Even Neanderthal man 300,000 years ago has been discovered to have buried its dead with ritual and ceremony. While there are variations in how the world’s various cultures and civilizations have cared for its dead, scholars say that three common characteristics emerge. First, the burial involves some type of rite or ceremony. Secondly, a sacred place for the dead is provided for. And third, there is memorialization of the dead. These three factors are certainly present in modern Philippine funeral customs and even more so. As with many of our local practices, we Filipinos tend to do things more elaborately than others. When it’s my time to go (hopefully, not in another 35 years or so), however, I would personally prefer a quick process cremation and then immediate internment after a simple Mass or ceremony. No wakes. I’ve always wondered why the practice of holding the 3-7-day vigil for the dead is called a “wake.” Some claim that the practice comes from ancient customs of keeping watch over the dead in the hope that they would “wake up” and return to life. The on-line Encyclopedia of Death and Dying broadly defines it as “parties or social gatherings held in connection with funerals.” Many people say that all these funeral rites and rituals are things that we do for the dead person. Yet religion, and superstition, aside, I’m not sure how it helps the dead in a practical manner and what would happen to the deceased if all the ceremonies are neglected.
But maybe I’m missing the point with funerals. Rather than being for the dead, maybe they are primarily more for the living. For even though a death was expected or, as in the case of my mother, the time had come to really rest in peace, it is never an easy thing to say goodbye to someone you love. The funeral then is a way to bring closure to friends and family affected by the death while at the same time providing them with an opportunity to honor the person who has died. Most importantly perhaps, it provides those left behind with the satisfaction of performing one last act of love to the deceased with nothing truly expected or possible in return.
In loving memory of Nieves “Bing” de Castro Quimson vda. de Montemayor
July 29, 1920 – November 13, 2010
Show me the manner in which a nation cares for its dead and I will measure with mathematical exactness the tender mercies of its people, their respect for the laws of the land, and their loyalty to high ideals.
Sir William Gladstone
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On November 27 (9 a.m.-5p.m.), bring family and friends to the Manila Waldorf School’s Advent Fair at its campus in Timberland Heights, San Mateo, Rizal. Join us for games and activities that will help you on your “Journey to Bethlehem.” Activities include Advent wreath making, Belen Art, Fairy Forest, pony ride, zip line, Thor’s Hammer, puppet show, obstacle course, talks on Waldorf education, and many others. Organic farm produce, healthy food/products, and natural handmade gifts shall also be on sale. Admission is free. For more information, call 570-7038 or 570-8138. Or e-mail contact@manilawaldorfschool.edu.ph.
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