By any other name?
I was transacting some business at a Western Union branch the other day when the clerk suddenly smiled at me and asked, “Sir, kaisa-isa kayong anak na lalake at puro babae ang mga kapatid ninyo, ano (Sir, you are an only son with all female siblings, aren’t you)?” I looked blankly at him as I didn’t have the foggiest idea why he was asking me that question. Then he added, “May kilala din akong nag-iisang lalake na apat ang kapatid na babae. Kaya ang pangalan niya, Mario Antonette, kombinasyon ng pangalan ng mga magulang niya, tulad ninyo (I also know someone who is an only son with four sisters. And so his name is Mario Antonette which is a combination of his parents’ names, just like yours)!” At that point, it became clear to me that he was referring to my given names, which are “Antonio Maria.” He had wrongly assumed that my name is a combination of my parents’ first names because I am a long-awaited and only son. I started to explain that I’m the youngest boy in the family and that my parents’ names are something else but decided to just smile and let it be. It was not the first time that others have been confused by my name. There are still occasions when other people actually think that I’m a female and get startled when they see me and find out that I’m male. I guess that it is not usual for men to have Maria as one of their given names. In any event, and with respect to the clerk’s friend, I’m just glad that I didn’t end up as a Mario Antonette!
Some of us might take the bestowing of names to our children for granted, but I believe that it is a very important matter. Our names give us a sense of personal identity and influences how others and society as a whole treats us. First of all, there are the practical implications. We must not forget that our name becomes the means by which society identifies us. Without a name, as formalized by a birth certificate, society might not even recognize our existence and we would be unable to access some of the essential services that society offers its members. For example, without a birth certificate, we may not be able to go to school or get a driver’s license or obtain a passport. The ease by which people obtain these services may also be affected by the complexity of our names. Woe to the person who has a million given names and whose various identification documents subsequently don’t match. This is one reason why my wife and I decided to give our children only one and relatively straightforward given name each.
William Shakespeare once wrote, “…that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” According to some experts, however, our names may make a difference. They may have subtle psychological effects on how a person acts and how other people treat them. Etymologist H. Edward Deluzain writes that the process that gives names their influence is the so-called “self-fulfilling prophecy.” He explains, “…A man introduces himself to us as Percy. Immediately, our unconscious mind goes to work dredging up all the images and associations we have with that name. Without realizing it, we develop a mental picture — a set of expectations — of what a Percy is like. This mental picture causes changes in our own behavior that are so subtle that we are not aware of them. However, Percy picks up on the messages we are sending by our actions, and he makes unconscious changes in his own way of acting to satisfy what he thinks we expect of him. In other words, we set up a situation which forces Percy to behave the way we think Percys are supposed to behave.” Deluzain also cites several studies wherein the grades that teachers gave students for papers that they wrote were apparently influenced by name stereotypes. The papers written by students with the more common names that were regarded as “generally more attractive” were graded higher than those with unusual names which were “deemed less socially attractive.” While I certainly don’t like the idea of people pre-judging others based simply on their names, I think that the message to parents is to at least practise some discretion when selecting a name for their kids.
But most important of all, I think the names we give our children reflect in some way our expectations and hopes for them. In this sense, it influences how we treat and raise them. In the case of my children, I named them after relatives who died early — after my niece who tragically died at the age of two and my brother who passed away at the prime of his life. At the time I christened my children, I thought that I was only trying to honor my dead kin. As I reflect on it now, however, I think that I named my kids after them because I want to give my children a full life. And I pray that my late niece and brother will look out for their namesakes and ensure that, unlike them, they get to experience everything that life has to offer.
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