I'm grounded

Yes, you read it right  I’m grounded. In fact, I have been grounded for almost four months now because of an injury I sustained when I fell off my bike after it got stuck in a gap on the road, which made me fall.  I remember my heart stopped beating for a few seconds and before I knew it, I was lying on the pavement, unable to move the whole right side of my body. Instantly, I prayed, “Lord, please don’t get me run over by a car.” At that moment, I confronted death in the face and it terrified me. That was quite a while ago and though I did survive that accident, I experienced a whole lot more after. 

It’s taking me quite sometime to heal because I have been pushing myself when I should be patiently allowing it to naturally heal, which means resting my arms by not swimming yet and helping it recover by going through the necessary rehab/therapy program my sports doctor has prescribed.

I have been impatient and stubborn, playing doctor and trying all sorts of shortcuts to healing. I even started my swim training when I felt the pain in my shoulders had become bearable. As a result, I developed a frozen shoulder, which my doctor said would take around three years to heal! Of course, I told him I don’t have three years because there’s a race almost every other month plus the coming Camsur Ironman in August. Dr. Jose Raul Canlas then advised me to undergo a closed manipulation procedure, which would require me to be put on general anesthesia so he could “unfreeze my shoulder.”

Although it gave me the chills trying to imagine how on earth to loosen up my frozen shoulder, I realized now that being put to sleep while going through the procedure was a breeze. It’s the rehab that I needed to do immediately upon waking up that was the killer.  My therapists, Cristine and Badet of Moro Sports Clinic, said they needed to stretch my arms to their full range of motion while there are still remnants of the anesthesia. I have to say, boy, was that incredibly shocking!  My arms reached ranges I have never imagined I could reach so soon and it gave me so much hope for a speedy healing.  While my range improved, there was a whole lot of pain involved in it.  It’s amazing to think that a minor accident can cause so much injury for such a prolonged period of time.

I kept asking God to reveal what I have to learn throughout this ordeal because the pain can get unbearable at times and to think I have a very high threshold for pain!  But even God cannot be hurried, ay! Okay, so my shoulder has been “released” and I have felt much better and I know very well that my healing has been hastened.  It makes me realize on a spiritual perspective that we need first to be released from the bondages of the past that hold us before we are able to see God’s light and for Him to work on healing those areas of our lives that were broken. It’s a difficult process but true healing, whether spiritual or physical, cannot be rushed. Rather, it has to be savored and endured so that lessons are learned well and new directions are clearly understood. Sometimes though, the reasons why things happen to us are not provided and perhaps do not need to be trivialized or justified. They are just the way they are, period. Instead of wasting so much time trying to understand or discover the cause of our suffering or pain, I guess what I’ve learned is to apply what I learned in childbirth — breathe through the painful contractions and don’t fight it so you have energy for the next one coming and then look forward to the coming blessing (in the form of a baby, if you are pregnant, or your next race, if you’re a tri-athlete like me).

I’m in pain and many times, I’m not okay but hey, as my children remind me, “It’s okay not to be okay sometimes.”  I try as much as I can to bear the excruciating pain I feel from my healing shoulder and look forward to the day when I am completely healed. I keep picturing myself being able to swim for many, many kilometers. But for now, I can only dream about that day because every time I jump in the pool and rush my training, I go back to square one! 

So, I am going to obey my doctor’s and therapists’ advice by doing the necessary not-so-exciting rehab exercises because my cooperation will secure my speedy recovery.

So help me, God!

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E-mail author at mommymaricel@gmail.com.