And they call it puppy love
Dad,” my daughter asked out of the blue, “…can I still live in the house when I’m 25?” The other day, she declared to us that she’d never get married or have kids. Ahhh, sheer music to this father’s possessive ears! But then, there was another tune that I could not pin down that lodged itself in my head as I watched my soon-to-be 11-year-old daughter walk by the other day. It was like having a word at the tip of your tongue that just won’t come out. And then, the shocking and earth-shattering realization exploded in my mind…Oh my God! She will need to wear, ahem …“chest protection” soon! Before I knew it, sentimentality had taken over and I was like Tevye in the movie Fiddler on the Roof wondering “Is this the little girl I carried” and musing at how “Swiftly flow the days.” Sunrise, sunset. Sunrise, sunset.
Perhaps I’m exaggerating just a bit. And if I am, maybe it’s because we waited six years for her. Maybe it’s also because of the 46-hour excruciating wait before she finally came out of her mother’s womb. Maybe it’s because she was a very tiny baby — she was only 17 inches long and weighed less than 4.8 pounds at birth — but is now as tall as a young willow tree. Nevertheless, I cannot help but sometimes wish that she’d always remain my little girl. Sigh. I am told, however, that while marriage and kids may still be 30 years away — okay, okay, let’s meet in the middle, 15 years away — “puppy love” may now already be just around the corner.
Puppy love (also known as a crush) is an informal term defined as “feelings of love between young people during childhood and adolescence, so-called for its resemblance to the adoring, worshipful affection that may be felt by a puppy.” The term was immortalized by Paul Anka (and later on by Donny Osmond) in the 1960 single Puppy Love. In the song, a young teenager laments about assertions (by his parents perhaps?) that his feelings are but mere puppy love (“And they call it puppy love, just because we’re in our teens…”). The implication is that it is a shallow and fleeting form of love since he’s still a kid and not yet capable of true love (Hmmm, kids only? Likely just as common for adults, don’t you agree?). But whatever kind of love it really is, parents are warned that puppy love can come on suddenly to our children and leave many of us bunglingly unprepared.
Well, I guess that, first of all, it’s nothing to panic about. Getting hit by one of Cupid’s arrows, albeit a “play” arrow, is normal and part of growing up. We all went through it. I still remember most, if not all, of my crushes. Experts even say that these experiences are not just phases that we all go through but are also important development milestones that can help prepare children for more serious relationships in their adulthood. And so relax and don’t forget to inhale and exhale when you find her first love letter (I’m talking to myself).
As “childish” as it may seem to some parents, these can also be pretty intense and powerful “first-time” emotions for our kids. Some children might even have a hard time handling it. We should therefore refrain from belittling their feelings. The stereotype Filipino reaction is probably to tease our kids about it and to even encourage the “cute” behavior. After all, we have all been “over-sexualized” by media. We should, however, show calm and sincere interest in their feelings and use them as opportunities to truly be parents. The more that our children believe and feel that we are taking them seriously, the more I think will they confide in us. That then gives us opportunities to have real conversations with them about love, sex, self-esteem, character, how to choose their friends, and other more mature topics.
I do not relish the thought of my daughter singing to me any part of Paul Anka’s tune anytime soon. I’d likely react by getting a Doberman to snarl at any puppy that goes near her. Yet, as my daughter grows older, it does offer new challenges and new joys to me as a parent. Perhaps she is indeed in the final years of just being my little girl. And just as she will inevitably soon experience puppy love, so should my treatment of her now also mature and go beyond mere “puppy parenting.”
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