Feedback time

One of the most important aspects of leading my team here at home is being able to listen to feedback.  It is quite a discipline and requires a great deal of humility to listen to my husband, children, and helpers as they enumerate their comments and suggestions about how we can better do things at home.  I have often struggled to make everybody end the evening happy and peaceful despite people coming home tired, hungry, and with a ton of things to still accomplish before bedtime. Out of exhaustion, many times we get on each other‘s nerves and end up spending more time fixing fights than enjoying each other’s company. Lately, I have decided to take my eldest daughter Ella’s advice to take a back step and not face the issues head on, and to listen to all the parties involved first. She says that it will help me not have favoritism.  I first take a deep breath, sit down, and then try my best to listen without forming my judgments until everyone had said their piece. What can I say? We are all works in progress, but the tiny rewards of welcoming feedback make me want to listen more. 

Last night, I found myself having time to read before bed with nothing else to do because Kuya Donny was busily reviewing his little brother Benj as Hannah was being assisted by our helpers to produce tons of ice candy orders from school while Ella was engrossed in designing a cocktail dress for me to wear to my sister’s wedding. Listening to what makes each one come alive and providing the avenue to express them before imposing the tasks that must be done have done wonders for my night and that, folks, is what you call a taste of heaven!

I also welcome feedback from my readers. Thank you all for your letters that truly inspire.

Winona Tagle shares her story as a late bloomer teen after she read my article on moving on:

“On parenting teens, not being a mother but a sort of late bloomer, I can only share my experience on the other side — the teenager.  I appreciate my father’s strictness and the structure we grew up with, not to mention his no-compromise imperatives for us to learn to do housework and to do it well.  If there is anything that I wish I had more of, it’s being treated as someone not of legal age but someone who is learning to think on her own. I wish I was listened to more and was encouraged to talk to my parents more instead of feeling the need to live by the statement ‘what they don’t know won’t hurt them’ and ‘pagagalitan ka din lang naman, e mag-enjoy ka na.’

“To this day, I wonder what it would be like to have my father as a friend as well instead of a pillar of authority. Don’t get me wrong. My father has taught me a lot, but I cannot help but resent the times when he is too scared to let go and is too worried to let me learn on my own. Again, I am coming from the other side of the fence and a parent’s instinct is secondary to none. “

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I was particularly touched by Lola Honorata’s letter that she had her grandson Brainard type because her fingers were unable to do so due to stiffness. She just wanted me to know that she liked my article about quality time. Lola Honorata agrees with what I said about the children being less demanding when their needs are met.  Thank you, Lola, for sharing your thoughts.

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Mama Darling believes each child is a unique individual and ways of meeting his/her needs would also be different.  According to her, there is no single rule, except perhaps for resolving to be extra loving and patient to each one of them. 

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E-mail author at mommymaricel@gmail.com.