Sex education begins at home

Little do you know that since the day your kids are born, you are already sending them messages about their sexuality. You dress them in pink to signify they are a girl and blue if they are a boy. Being held and touched, kissed and hugged, snuggled and tickled allow babies to experience comforting, positive physical sensations associated with being loved. The unique type of physical intimacy and emotional attachment between parent and infant can be the early foundation of more mature forms of physical intimacy and love that develop later as part of mature sexuality. The way you touch and cuddle, snuggle, tickle, and kiss them lets them experience comforting and positive physical sensations which make them know they are loved by you. The input you give, the family experiences you create from day one of life will determine whether your child will develop a healthy and positive sexual attitude.

Through your words, as well as your silence, your verbal and non-verbal responses and reactions teach your child your values and attitudes about sexuality.

Getting to know the Body

Children need to be taught the right labels for their body parts. A penis is the correct word for the boy’s male organ, and the vagina is the correct label for the female sex organ. When you give camouflage names for the sexual body parts, you are conveying the message that there is something wrong or unmentionable or embarrassing about them. The children, therefore, are quick to absorb the idea that their genitals are something to be ashamed of.

Infants and toddlers naturally touch their genitals during diaper changes or baby boys have frequent erections. They are curious what lies underneath their clothes and enjoy running around naked. Your verbal and non-verbal reactions (with facial expressions and body language) give your child his first lessons in sexuality. If you show disapproval with anger, surprise, or embarrassment, you teach your child that this curiosity about his/her body is very abnormal, when in fact, it should be a normal part of life.

If your child comes home calling his male organ some word he heard from others like “birdie” or “ wee wee,” you can say, “Some people call it that, but that’s just a made-up word. The real name is penis (or vagina, as the case may be).”

Children may also be curious about seeing a brother, sister, mother or father in the shower, and this is usually how they learn about physical differences between boys and girls.

Identifying Male from Female

By age two or three, a child starts to develop gender identity. This awareness is what gives them the sense of being a male or female. At this age, a toddler starts to understand the difference between boys and girls, and can identify himself or herself as one or the other. Gender identity is biologically determined by the presence or absence of the Y chromosome, but to a certain extent, it may also be the product of a child’s environment.

Kids at this age also learn cultural behaviors associated with being male or female, called gender roles. We teach them that girls play with dolls and boys play with trucks and planes, and cars and guns. Our culture dictates what is masculine or what is feminine, how boys behave versus girls. However, much has changed in society about gender roles because women are becoming pilots, car racers, and truck drivers. More and more men are participating in child rearing, which was once a mother’s turf, and some are role reversing with the fathers as “housebands” and wives going out to work. Therefore, it’s okay for boys to play with dolls and for girls to play with the boy’s toys so you don’t stereotype sexes into limited roles. Be sensitive as well to use the word “firefighter” instead of “fireman” and “chairperson” instead of “chairman” to convey the message that these roles are not only relegated to men. As you decide what you want to teach your kids about gender roles, be aware of the messages they get both in and out of the home.

Another important message to teach them as they grow up is that most men and women did not choose to be men or women. They grew into the role. Some boys end up with hormonal or genetic problems and end up in between — homosexuals. Some girls become lesbians. In either case, we should teach them not to discriminate or ridicule people like those.

Answering Questions You’d Rather Avoid

A child may ask, “ Where did I come from?” Don’t give them an answer like, “A stork brought you.” You can be simple and honest by saying, “You started as a tiny egg inside Mommy’s body; with Daddy’s sperm, you became a baby that grew inside my uterus.” Don’t say you grew in my stomach since the proper organ is the uterus.

“How come my sister needs to sit to pee and I need to stand up?” That’s because girls don’t have a penis from which urine comes out. Girls only have a small opening near the vagina called the urethra from which the urine comes out. So, it’s easier for them to urinate sitting down.

“Can boys have babies, too, when they grow up?” Boys, when they grow up, help to make babies since they produce the sperm which combines with a mommy’s egg to make a baby. But only girls have a special place in their bodies called the uterus where the baby can grow. That’s why daddies can never be pregnant since they don’t have a uterus.

From the time they begin to talk, children are curious to know more about their bodies and its functions. As parents, it is important to respond to their curiousity in a positive, open, and supportive manner. Give simple and honest answers. Practice while they are young with the easier questions so when they grow up and start asking more difficult and embarrassing questions, you would have been equipped with the skill and knowhow. Sex education begins at home, and as parents, you are their first teachers.

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Dr. Rebecca B. Singson is an advocate for information on health issues related to the female reproductive organ, holding clinics at Makati Medical Center, Rm. 381, with telephone number 892- 7879 and at Asian Hospital & Medical Center, Rm. 202-203, with telephone number 771-9204, or e-mail obmd@surfshop.net.ph.