Grief sharing: The mourning after

Is there life after losing a loved one?

We all have suffered the loss of someone dear to us, whether or not he’s a member of the family. We’re privy to the feeling: the inconsolable grief, the aching void, the desperation, the uncertainties. If there’s anything certain, it is that life will never be the same again.

Cathy Babao-Guballa, mother/Christian/writer/children’s health advocate/grief counselor/educator, and a dear friend, knows the feeling all too well. She lost her son Miggy when he was but a toddler. For this intrepid mom, there was a time to grieve and a time to be born anew. Instead of just mourning the loss of her angel in a desolate corner, she found healing by helping ease the sufferings of children stricken with cancer. She put up a Miggy’s Corner in children’s cancer wards to put even a little color and sunshine into the lives of these children who only have dark days ahead as their tiny bodies battle the Big C.

For Cathy, grief is a journey – and the more people we travel with, the lighter the emotional baggage we carry. On this journey, Cathy shares this discovery: "After much prayer and thought, Hector and I were led to go into a new ministry that seeks to help other bereaved persons to move on after a loss."

Cathy takes comfort in Jeremiah 31:13: For I will turn their mourning into joy. "Through my losses, I have found life’s purpose and God’s mission for me here on earth. This is the reason behind this third, and most recent blog, and a new ministry that God has directed my husband and me into."

On Nov. 18, Hector and Cathy Guballa will launch Griefshare at the Greenhills Christian Fellowship in Ortigas.

Cathy has this to share about Griefshare: Griefshare is a non-denominational group and features biblical teaching on grief and recovery topics. It is a special seminar and support group for people grieving the loss of someone close.

"If you’ve lost a spouse, child, family member or friend, you’ve probably found that there are not many people who understand the depth of what you feel," notes Cathy. "Griefshare is sponsored by people who understand what you are experiencing and want to offer you comfort and encouragement during a very difficult time."

Two-hour sessions are held every Saturday, starting Nov. 18, from 2 to 4 p.m. Every Griefshare meeting includes a video seminar featuring top experts on grief and recovery subjects. Each meeting is made more meaningful via small group discussions about what you have seen on the DVD and interaction with others who have experienced recent similar losses. Topics to be tackled include: "The Emotions of Grief," "Your Family and Grief," "Where Is God?," "Stuck In Grief Or Moving On," "Growing Through Grief," "Grief Recovery Tool Kit."

Admission to the seminar is free and open to everyone who has lost a loved one. "All we ask is that you register ahead of time as we are trying to limit the class size," goes Cathy’s plea.

For more info on Griefshare, visit Cathy’s new grief education site at Grief Is A Journey http://mourningtojoy.blogspot.com.

But why share your grief?

Because, according to Dr. Jim Conway, "You need other people to listen to you, to validate you, to encourage you, and help you through this time."

Says Virgil, "The finality of death is hard to accept, and that’s what a grief group is about ... It’s about getting you to accept that reality, so that you can go on with your life."

H. Norman Wright couldn’t have been more right when he said, "I don’t think we should ever apologize for our tears."

Barbara Johnson offers these words of comfort to the grieving, "It does get better."

Yes, there’s life the mourning after.

* * *

Let’s bury those wasteful practices

Let’s not desecrate the dead.

That mortal warning was issued by Ecowaste Coalition as the living beat a path to the cemeteries in mammoth numbers to visit their dead on All Saints’ Day and All Souls’ Day.

It’s a cherished Filipino tradition to visit the tombs of our dear departed every Nov. 1 – come hell or high water. (But some people have smartened up and now go either before or after Nov. 1, when the crowds would have become more sparse and the traffic less of a hassle.)

Young and old, they pack the cemeteries/memorial parks to join in the festive commemoration of this annual event, bringing flowers and candles – and CD players, transistor radios, along with the day’s lunch, merienda, dinner, and a lifetime supply of butong pakwan, Boy Bawang, and adobong mani shared while swapping stories.

Notes Ecowaste, "While this is an admirable tradition that unites the Filipino people in loving remembrance of the dead, the celebration is often marred by the wasteful practices and unabashed littering by unruly crowds, right on the hallowed grounds, where their loved ones had been laid to rest. Such thoughtless behavior may be an offshoot of the escalating commercialism in our society, or a lack of awareness on how our habits and actions directly affect our health and environment."

Urges church volunteer Ochie Tolentino, Steering Committee member of the Ecowaste Coalition, "The cemetery is a sacred place, not a dumpsite. We must take care of it, not defile it, as a sign of respect for those interred there. It is innate in the Filipino culture to be caring towards others and to the environment. Let us show these natural traits in the upcoming celebration of All Saints’/All Souls’ Day."

Bishop Dinualdo Gutierrez, chair of the National Secretariat of Social Action, Justice and Peace (NASSA), asserts, "We support the Ecowaste Coalition’s timely advocacy to reduce, if not eradicate, our wasteful practices and ensure that our communities are healthy and free from litter and toxics."

NASSA, a partner group of the Ecowaste Coalition, is the social action arm of the influential Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP). The Ecowaste Coalition brings together some 50 groups working on waste and pollution issues.

Ecowaste enjoins the administrators of both public and private cemeteries to designate an adequate number of recycling stations inside and outside the cemetery, to facilitate the segregation/management of biodegradable and non-biodegradable discards. It would also be helpful to put up highly visible signs or posters enjoining people not to litter, dump, or burn their waste.

The Coalition requests vendors and business owners not to use, as much as possible, disposable plastic bags, straws, cups, and other single-use plastic items. On the other hand, buyers are advised to bring reusable bags (like the now trendy bayong or katsa bags) to hold their purchases, and to refuse plastic bags and wrappers from vendors.

And to all those who are visiting the cemetery/memorial park, the Ecowaste Coalition makes the following calls:

• Choose clean-burning candles that do not emit black fumes or ash, and light only a reasonable number.

• Offer local fresh flowers instead of plastic ones, and avoid wrapping them in plastic. Plastics eventually end up as garbage; they clog our waterways or emit poisons when burned.

• To save money and avoid wastage, avoid bringing or buying excessive amounts of food and beverage. Refrain from using disposable plastic and Styrofoam.

• Pack everything you wish to bring to the cemetery in reusable bags and baskets instead of plastic bags.

• Throw all discards into the proper disposal bins and be conscious at all times that littering is a no-no!

• Should ecological waste management systems be inadequate or lacking in the cemetery, bring home all your discards. Give food leftovers to pet animals or turn into compost with other biodegradable waste, and reuse or recycle the non-biodegradable discards that may have further use.

"We hope the real meaning of our gathering and celebration will not be drowned in noise, chaos, and garbage piles. All Saints’/Souls’ Day is a sacred occasion to honor the memory of loved ones who had been part of our lives and to offer prayers for their eternal comfort and peace in the afterlife," Tolentino gives this timely friendly reminder.

For more info, call the Ecowaste Coalition at 929-0376.

* * *

We’d love to hear from you. E-mail us at ching_alano@yahoo.com.