Help, I’m losing my son

Hi Maricel,

I have two kids, a boy and a girl, ages one and three, respectively. Since we can’t afford to have a yaya, my husband and I decided to entrust my son to my in-laws while my daughter is being taken care of by my aunt who lives near our house. My in-laws live far from our place and we get to visit my son only on Sundays because we are both working. The problem is that I noticed that the little boy is getting much closer to my sister-in-law, and I am jealous. What do I do?

– Worried Ma

I think it is normal for a mother to feel somewhat jealous if she sees that her child is closer to others than her. I guess what you have to realize is the fact that you allowed for the bond between your sister-in-law and your son to develop because you chose to have him live with them. Children between the ages of zero to seven years (also known as the developmental stages of childhood) need the care of their mother the most. If you are out of sight, you are out of mind. This means that they think of and naturally cling to the one they see the most. You must really think this issue through and pray about how you can balance your time with your developing children as you try to pursue a career. For now, I think you should also be thankful that you have in-laws who love your child and are willing to care for him.

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Dear Maricel,

I’m a working mom based in Vietnam. I have a three-year-old son who is under the care of a Filipina yaya. Since I’m at work most of the time, I have very limited time with my son. I have noticed my son has become naughtier. I may be shouting at the top of my voice, and still he does not follow my instructions. My biggest concern is that every time I’m home, that’s the time he misbehaves. My yaya said that when I’m not home, my son is very loving, obedient and just plays the whole day. He does not want to eat, he hits me, he spits everything out of his mouth, and he breaks his toys. My husband and I always end up arguing because of my son’s behavior. Why do you think my son behaves that way? Is it because I spoil him and do not scold him or maybe because he lacks attention?

– Doris Bungag Sanchez, Vietnam

If you spend more time at work than with your son, it is likely to cause a gap in your relationship, especially if what you notice is his misbehavior more than his good traits. It seems that your son has discovered the best way to get your attention – to misbehave. He now thinks that you will notice him if he does something that you are against. Why not try to spend more time with him (preferably without the yaya) and offer him words of encouragement when you see him doing something productive? Try also to engage in activities that you both enjoy, perhaps like reading before a nap, swimming, eating together, etc. Also, may I remind you to refrain from screaming at the top of your lungs when dealing with your son? If he gets used to being talked to like that, later on, he will only respond to you when you start screaming. As parents, we have to understand that our children need to be treated with respect if we want them to treat us with respect as well. Also, as parents, our main goal is to provide guidance to our children and keep in mind that they know only from what we teach them. I encourage you to practice patience with your child. I hope that helps.

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Dear Maricel,

There is a lot of e-mail that gets circulated every cough and cold season blasting Phenylpropanolamine (PPA). It is unfortunate that they are using the Internet (and text messaging) to spread false information.

Would appreciate it much if you could help disseminate the correct information on PPA to your friends, colleagues and relatives.

PPA is a common decongestant found in over-the-counter (OTC) cough and cold medicines (in dosages of 25 milligrams and below). It is also used for weight loss, as an appetite suppressant, in mega-doses (150 to 750 mgs) way beyond the OTC limit. As with any pharmaceutical drug, excess usage and misuse may result in side effects.

The Bureau of Food and Drugs (BFAD) does not allow the use of PPA other than as a decongestant and has issued BFAD Advisory No. 2003-0002, classifying PPA 25 mgs and below, as an over-the-counter drug (OTC) and certified it as "safe and effective if taken in the right dose and for the right indications, i.e. for nasal stuffiness due to common colds, allergic rhinitis, and sinusitis."

For further information, you may visit www.bfad.gov.ph or call its hotline at 807-0721 and 842-5606.

– Eva Datol-Barett

Unilab Consumer Health product manager

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E-mail the author at mommytalk@businessworks.com.ph.