In praise of praise
March 28, 2006 | 12:00am
Our entire clan was surprised when one of my aunts got married to a wonderful, well-educated, wealthy, and smashingly handsome military man. She was not what you would call a ravishing beauty but was highly educated, disarmingly charming, and full of contagious joie de vivre. Their marriage was an ongoing love affair and their joy showed in the sparkle of their eyes.
She was the favorite topic of gossip and speculation of my other aunts who enjoyed wagging their tongues as to how she managed to bag a prized catch. They scrutinized her every move.
She didn’t cast a spell on him. Ginayuma, as one aunt jokingly alleged. It was my mother who was the first to unravel her weapon.
Of course, my aunt adored her husband and treated him like he was the only person in the world.
Her secret? My aunt always had kind, encouraging, uplifting, flattering or endearing words to say to him. She would shower him with praises and compliments so that being with her was a joyful respite from his stressful military work. She loved praising and swooning over him in public. "Look at him. Isn’t he so guwapo (handsome)?" They had a mutual-admiration relationship, and they nurtured and encouraged each other to grow.
When was the last time you heard someone say, "You look marvelous!" or "I’ve never seen you look so beautiful!"? When did you last praise or compliment your wife or your mother? When did you last thank your husband while he handed over his paycheck to you?
When you live with someone, it is easy to take the virtues, talents, services, and expertise of your loved ones for granted. Sadly, as the years go by, it gets more difficult to verbalize the good things you want to say and this could create a huge, uncomfortable communication gap.
It is amazing how a few sincere words or a pat on the back could enrich your self-esteem, boost your morale, and make your day.
I was feeling so tired the other day when I bumped into a schoolmate whom I hadn’t seen in ages. She excitedly greeted me with, "My god, you haven’t changed! You look as young as when I last saw you!" I am not a sucker for vanity praises. I get embarrassed and never take them seriously, but I must admit the flattery lifted my spirits.
Lavish praise on your children; don’t scrimp on good, encouraging words for them. Even your pets love it when they are praised. Wise is he who knows how to praise and acknowledge the boss and co-employees; he will climb up the corporate ladder a lot faster!
We should never withhold words of love, admiration, praise, approval and encouragement. Here are a few guidelines on how to praise and react:
• Be specific with your praise. Don’t just say, "That meal was great." Say something like "I love your spaghetti vongole. Those clams are the best I’ve ever tasted!"
• Word your compliment well. Instead of "You’ve lost some weight. You don’t look like an elephant anymore," say, "Wow, you really look trim and sexy. I love being seen with you!"
• Time your compliments. A badly timed or late compliment won’t be as effective as one that is just perfect for the moment.
• A compliment is a great icebreaker. Say, "Those pearls look priceless!" or "I love those shoes. Where did you get them?"
• Find something to compliment about a person you meet for the first time.
• Beware of insincere flattery. Make sure your compliment is heartfelt and realistic.
• A little flattery is okay, especially if it is for someone you love. Say it to other people within his/her hearing range. That will make him feel so good.
• If someone pays you a compliment, make sure you return it some other time. Try not to do it immediately after or else it would sound too fake and contrived.
• How do you respond to a praise or compliment? Many people get embarrassed so they negate or belittle the compliment. They say, "No, it’s not true …" Actually, they tend to say this, hoping that the one giving the compliment would repeat the compliment. So how will you respond if someone says, "You are looking great today"? Saying "Yes, I am" would be too pompous and presumptuous; saying, "No, I am not" would negate the compliment and discredit the one paying it. Simply say, "Thank you." It neither assumes or negates; it is the perfect response.
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She was the favorite topic of gossip and speculation of my other aunts who enjoyed wagging their tongues as to how she managed to bag a prized catch. They scrutinized her every move.
She didn’t cast a spell on him. Ginayuma, as one aunt jokingly alleged. It was my mother who was the first to unravel her weapon.
Of course, my aunt adored her husband and treated him like he was the only person in the world.
Her secret? My aunt always had kind, encouraging, uplifting, flattering or endearing words to say to him. She would shower him with praises and compliments so that being with her was a joyful respite from his stressful military work. She loved praising and swooning over him in public. "Look at him. Isn’t he so guwapo (handsome)?" They had a mutual-admiration relationship, and they nurtured and encouraged each other to grow.
When you live with someone, it is easy to take the virtues, talents, services, and expertise of your loved ones for granted. Sadly, as the years go by, it gets more difficult to verbalize the good things you want to say and this could create a huge, uncomfortable communication gap.
It is amazing how a few sincere words or a pat on the back could enrich your self-esteem, boost your morale, and make your day.
I was feeling so tired the other day when I bumped into a schoolmate whom I hadn’t seen in ages. She excitedly greeted me with, "My god, you haven’t changed! You look as young as when I last saw you!" I am not a sucker for vanity praises. I get embarrassed and never take them seriously, but I must admit the flattery lifted my spirits.
Lavish praise on your children; don’t scrimp on good, encouraging words for them. Even your pets love it when they are praised. Wise is he who knows how to praise and acknowledge the boss and co-employees; he will climb up the corporate ladder a lot faster!
We should never withhold words of love, admiration, praise, approval and encouragement. Here are a few guidelines on how to praise and react:
• Be specific with your praise. Don’t just say, "That meal was great." Say something like "I love your spaghetti vongole. Those clams are the best I’ve ever tasted!"
• Word your compliment well. Instead of "You’ve lost some weight. You don’t look like an elephant anymore," say, "Wow, you really look trim and sexy. I love being seen with you!"
• Time your compliments. A badly timed or late compliment won’t be as effective as one that is just perfect for the moment.
• A compliment is a great icebreaker. Say, "Those pearls look priceless!" or "I love those shoes. Where did you get them?"
• Find something to compliment about a person you meet for the first time.
• Beware of insincere flattery. Make sure your compliment is heartfelt and realistic.
• A little flattery is okay, especially if it is for someone you love. Say it to other people within his/her hearing range. That will make him feel so good.
• If someone pays you a compliment, make sure you return it some other time. Try not to do it immediately after or else it would sound too fake and contrived.
• How do you respond to a praise or compliment? Many people get embarrassed so they negate or belittle the compliment. They say, "No, it’s not true …" Actually, they tend to say this, hoping that the one giving the compliment would repeat the compliment. So how will you respond if someone says, "You are looking great today"? Saying "Yes, I am" would be too pompous and presumptuous; saying, "No, I am not" would negate the compliment and discredit the one paying it. Simply say, "Thank you." It neither assumes or negates; it is the perfect response.
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