The perils of loving too much
November 22, 2005 | 12:00am
Eileen was the prettiest among my cousins. She had beautiful skin and an alluring, sensuous look about her. She was attractive to many young men of her age and soon found herself falling in love with the son of a wealthy family from a nearby town. They seemed like a perfect pair for a while, then, things went sour. When he dumped her, she got severely depressed, retreated into her shell, lost her mind, and until today never recovered.
Raymond fell deeply in love with Myrna. Through his best friend, he found out that she had been seeing another guy. He confronted her and in front of her slashed his wrist, threatening that if she left him, he would take his life. After a few months, Raymond realized that Myrna has turned totally cold. She admitted that she was already engaged to the other suitor. He asked for one last meeting at her house. An hour later, the family discovered his lifeless body hanging inside the toilet, the door of which he locked.
Love is a double-edged sword. Although love can be glorious and wonderful, it has a dark side that most of us refuse to face. We only realize its negative, destructive power after something horrible and irreversible has happened. Love can be very dangerous if you don’t know how to handle it. Young people, most especially, have to be guided and taught about the perils of loving too much.
Young people, particularly those in their teens and inexperienced in the ways of love, are most vulnerable to the dangers of love. Some people are lucky that they easily learn to negotiate love’s ropes, while others are too fragile, too naïve, or too blinded that they end up horribly hurt, battered, depressed, insane, or dead.
Schools and learning institutions should have subjects on falling in love, or appropriate guidance counseling on relationships and other emotional problems. The home is actually the best place to start love education. Here are some of the salient points which have to be driven deep into the minds and hearts of soon-to-be lovers.
Make yourself desirable. You have to be attractive, appealing, and desirable to be loved. Practice good physical hygiene, and develop your personality and self-confidence.
Love has to be worked on. To keep love, you must strive to keep the love light burning. Love should be based on honesty, trust, sharing, and giving. Love is a give-and-take liaison; it takes two to make love work.
Meet other people. Even when you are in love, do not limit your social life to your lover. By interacting with other people, you have a greater chance of enriching your life and meeting the best person for you. Parents should encourage young ones to expand their social circles.
Keep your friends. When you are in a relationship, maintain your friendships. Friends see things that you may not for love is indeed blind and lovers cannot see! Friends will also lend you support when something goes wrong and you need them most.
Realize when enough is enough. Are you loving right or are you loving too much? Are you unappreciated? Give enough love but not too much. It’s not fun being a martyr; chances are you’ll be taken for granted.
Love yourself above all. In any relationship, you are the most important factor. Don’t lose yourself in the process. Don’t hang your life onto one person who might just abandon you later on. Learn to love and respect yourself more.
Analyze your relationship. Are you being used or abused? Taken for a ride? Exploited? Dominated? Being robbed of your self-confidence and self-esteem? Analyze your relationship and find out if it is working. If it is depriving you (or your partner) of life, consider solutions or other alternatives.
To commit or not to commit. Before entering into a commitment, ask yourself: Is it true love? Would you want to spend the rest of your life with the person even if someone smarter, better-looking, and richer came along? Will you still love him/her when he/she is old, wrinkled, and gray?
You can’t own people. The most common relationship problem that lovers face is jealousy. They demand, "We are ‘on’ or are married, ergo, I own you!" Realize that you can’t own people. Not even with a marriage contract.
When you feel suffocated, end it. A great relationship will encourage you to develop to your highest potential and be the best that you can be. When a relationship no longer makes both of you feel good and depletes your energy with horrible negativities, be civilized, talk about it, and cordially part ways.
When love dies, don’t worry, you will survive. You were born alone; you will actually die alone. You were born without the other person and you managed pretty well until he came into your life; put in mind that you will manage quite as well without him.
When it doesn’t work out, the family is here for you. Assure members of your family, especially your young ones, that they have the support of the entire family in case love doesn’t work out. Love should permeate a home, making it a safe, comforting sanctuary for all family members.
To help prevent any unwanted tragedies, parents and friends should look for possible danger signals in someone who is in love. If there is an abrupt behavioral change in the person like constant depression, not taking care of one’s self physically, change in eating habits, loss of sleep or withdrawal from social contact, it is important to gain the person’s trust so he’ll confide his problems. Consult a professional or a spiritual counselor in cases that are difficult to deal with.
Furthermore, if a person is seeing someone who doesn’t want to meet his/her family and friends, this is an irregularity which should be looked into and checked. Parents should try to get to know their children’s friends and more importantly, lovers.
For your comments and info regarding life-enhancement, call/text 0920-4053233 or e-mail DeroSeminars@yahoo.com. Should you forward this article, please acknowledge the author and The Philippine Star.
Raymond fell deeply in love with Myrna. Through his best friend, he found out that she had been seeing another guy. He confronted her and in front of her slashed his wrist, threatening that if she left him, he would take his life. After a few months, Raymond realized that Myrna has turned totally cold. She admitted that she was already engaged to the other suitor. He asked for one last meeting at her house. An hour later, the family discovered his lifeless body hanging inside the toilet, the door of which he locked.
Love is a double-edged sword. Although love can be glorious and wonderful, it has a dark side that most of us refuse to face. We only realize its negative, destructive power after something horrible and irreversible has happened. Love can be very dangerous if you don’t know how to handle it. Young people, most especially, have to be guided and taught about the perils of loving too much.
Schools and learning institutions should have subjects on falling in love, or appropriate guidance counseling on relationships and other emotional problems. The home is actually the best place to start love education. Here are some of the salient points which have to be driven deep into the minds and hearts of soon-to-be lovers.
Love has to be worked on. To keep love, you must strive to keep the love light burning. Love should be based on honesty, trust, sharing, and giving. Love is a give-and-take liaison; it takes two to make love work.
Meet other people. Even when you are in love, do not limit your social life to your lover. By interacting with other people, you have a greater chance of enriching your life and meeting the best person for you. Parents should encourage young ones to expand their social circles.
Keep your friends. When you are in a relationship, maintain your friendships. Friends see things that you may not for love is indeed blind and lovers cannot see! Friends will also lend you support when something goes wrong and you need them most.
Realize when enough is enough. Are you loving right or are you loving too much? Are you unappreciated? Give enough love but not too much. It’s not fun being a martyr; chances are you’ll be taken for granted.
Love yourself above all. In any relationship, you are the most important factor. Don’t lose yourself in the process. Don’t hang your life onto one person who might just abandon you later on. Learn to love and respect yourself more.
Analyze your relationship. Are you being used or abused? Taken for a ride? Exploited? Dominated? Being robbed of your self-confidence and self-esteem? Analyze your relationship and find out if it is working. If it is depriving you (or your partner) of life, consider solutions or other alternatives.
To commit or not to commit. Before entering into a commitment, ask yourself: Is it true love? Would you want to spend the rest of your life with the person even if someone smarter, better-looking, and richer came along? Will you still love him/her when he/she is old, wrinkled, and gray?
You can’t own people. The most common relationship problem that lovers face is jealousy. They demand, "We are ‘on’ or are married, ergo, I own you!" Realize that you can’t own people. Not even with a marriage contract.
When you feel suffocated, end it. A great relationship will encourage you to develop to your highest potential and be the best that you can be. When a relationship no longer makes both of you feel good and depletes your energy with horrible negativities, be civilized, talk about it, and cordially part ways.
When love dies, don’t worry, you will survive. You were born alone; you will actually die alone. You were born without the other person and you managed pretty well until he came into your life; put in mind that you will manage quite as well without him.
When it doesn’t work out, the family is here for you. Assure members of your family, especially your young ones, that they have the support of the entire family in case love doesn’t work out. Love should permeate a home, making it a safe, comforting sanctuary for all family members.
Furthermore, if a person is seeing someone who doesn’t want to meet his/her family and friends, this is an irregularity which should be looked into and checked. Parents should try to get to know their children’s friends and more importantly, lovers.
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