Is your child hyper or just happy?

The past month has been truly hectic for our family. We found ourselves shuttling to Cebu, Zamboanga and Cagayan de Oro one week after another to hold our 3rd Philippine Parenting Convention. Because our trips required us to be away for at least three days, we made sure that at least one child would be with us during each trip. I felt so privileged having made our children part of it because they were exposed to the kind of work we do and somehow got an idea of what advocacy work really entails. I was so touched after our Cebu leg when our nine-year-old daughter Ella told her dad that she would head the PPC when she turns 18. What an encouragement to know that she would want to continue something we started.

When we brought our youngest daughter Hannah for the Zamboanga leg, it was her birthday. Vice Mayor Beng Climaco truly made her feel precious by having all the participants plus the mayor sing for her a Happy Birthday song. What really struck me about that particular trip was a comment made by one of our speakers who happens to be a certified family therapist and also one of my favorite professors in UP, Dr. Yoyit Roldan. She heard me several times tell Hannah to calm down because she was being hyper by talking so fast, laughing so loud, and being so excited that she couldn’t keep still in her chair. After a while, Hannah told us that yes, she was being hyper already. That was when Dr. Yoyit told me that Hannah was not hyper but was simply happy. That changed my perspective totally. All of a sudden, the word "hyper" seemed negative and the word "happy" seemed to be what Hannah’s real state was. I realized that my daughter enjoyed the fact that all attention was on her and that she didn’t have to compete with anybody else to be heard and seen. At home, of course, there are three others whom she would have to share us with. I also realized that instead of rejoicing with her, I was more concerned about making sure she conformed with my standards of what kind of behavior she should exhibit in order to make her time with us convenient and worry-free for me. I then shifted to being her ally, made sure she would fully enjoy her trip, and shared the joy with her. Everybody was happy.

I took to heart what I learned from that trip, like not labeling my kids negatively when I see behavior that may cause me some inconvenience. I practiced it with my two boys when they tagged along for our Cagayan de Oro leg. My son Donny was so cooperative and able to amuse himself with the simple things that I had to constantly remind myself to check on him and involve him in our program. I didn’t want to mind him only when he’d do something "bad" so I made sure I took advantage of those moments when he was being "good" to assure him how much we appreciate him. So many times, I wanted to tell my son Benjamin to stop being hyper when he was his kiti-kiti self. Instead, I kept reassuring him that we were fully aware that the trip with us had made him happy and excited and that there was a way to express that excitement, which didn’t inconvenience people or showed disobedience to his parents. Instead of commanding him to be a certain person, I now shifted to training him how to behave in public but with the assurance that he could be happy and polite at the same time. That was truly liberating! He cooperated with me, everybody was happy.

I realized that as we go out to help parents become aware of their power to influence their children, we the organizers are being molded as well. For that, I’m happy.

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E-mail author at mommytalk@businessworks.com.ph.