A guide to partnering with our ‘yayas’

I think that having a dependable, loyal yaya would probably be in the top five desires of every mother with young children. It’s quite a gift to be able to spot, hire and keep good help these days. I had my share of frustration and sadness over the quick turnover of yayas in my home for quite sometime when I was a new mother. I couldn’t quite figure out why I couldn’t keep them. I’m glad I took some time to listen, observe and learn from my mom, in-laws, and friends who’ve been able to keep their great helpers for years and years. One of our ninangs even set me and Anthony aside to help us understand how to deal and partner with our helpers/yayas. Since then, it’s been smooth sailing and more time spent on strengthening our relationship instead of unending calls to friends and agencies to look for replacements. We know our children are also glad to have the same yayas/helpers for many years instead of having to adjust to a new one all the time. It’s not that I keep helpers for the sake of not having to hire new ones to adjust to. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had to let go of some because I realized I would not be helping them grow and develop if I tolerated wrong behavior or kept them for my own benefit when they could bloom elsewhere. I don’t wait too long until the relationship turns sour. I prefer to end well with them. Some I’ve even recommended to my friends who I think would bring out the best in these yayas. There is still more to learn and discover, but there is much joy in knowing we have the ability to keep our helpers and it’s not a one-way street.

First Things First

If you want to maximize the presence of helpers in your home, I encourage you to consider these following hints I have learned so far: Partner with them. Don’t treat them as mere employees. A partnership with our helpers is a relationship that requires each member of the household to value and do their respective responsibilities. For example, if you hired a yaya, you expect her to take care of your kids well so that their needs will be taken care of, especially when you are away. As an employer, our job is to make sure we give them proper wages, a comfortable living environment, food, benefits, etc. It’s not enough that you pay them well. You must treat them with respect and love as well. Remember, what you sow is what you will reap. We leave our children with them for God knows how long so we must earn their respect by respecting them as well. Otherwise, don’t be surprised when they take out their frustrations on our children.

I have asked a group of 37 yayas what their employer repeatedly asks them to do and accomplish. Here are their top answers: Give their wards vitamins, give kids a bath, talk to them, change diapers, care for them, be alert and make sure everything is ready (when they have to go out). I asked them what they hoped their employers would do for them. Their top answers are: That their employers wouldn’t tell them off in public, increase their salaries, for them not to be asked to do too many things at the same time, not to use too many words to remind them about something and not to exaggerate their observations. Oftentimes, we tell our helpers what they should do. It would be wise to find out also what they need in order to help them do their job better. That way, everybody is happy.

What Makes A Partnership?

1) Clear goals – are set from the very beginning of the relationship for both parties to tread the same path and accomplish a common desire. If you hired a yaya who really wants to be a cook, it would be very difficult for her to care for your children well. If you want your yaya to run after your toddler, make sure you hire a young yaya.

2) Understanding – each other’s strengths and weaknesses will help prevent recurring frustrating moments. You do not require your yaya to speak in straight English when you know she is a first-time yaya who barely finished grade school. She shouldn’t require you to pay her a huge salary like her best friend because she understands that you agreed on a certain amount.

3) Trust – After all has been said and done, at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself if you feel at peace and safe leaving your kids alone with your yaya. If not, then you have not reached a level of trust. If this goes on for a prolonged period of time, you are endangering your children. Trust is vital in any partnership. I remember once when I asked Gelli de Belen about leaving her kids with her mom (she doesn’t have a yaya). She said that after giving her reminders and "bilins," I leave her and trust that she’d do what I said and, "bahala na siya." There is a sense of surrender knowing she has entrusted her kids to able hands.

4) Mutual respect – for each other’s rights and responsibilities. Realizing that she’s a yaya who goes the extra mile, acknowledge her for that. You give her a raise and she thanks you for it. That shows mutual respect. Don’t call her names. Give her salary on time. Allow days off. Remind her to eat her meals on time (of the 37 yayas I spoke to, almost half of them have ulcers). Make sure she speaks to you in a nice way. Teach her how you want things done and help her do it. If you’ve done everything to help her do her job well but are still dissatisfied with her, let her go as soon as possible even without a replacement. Another job might be more suitable for her.

5) Each one submits to one another. Don’t defy your yaya in front of your kids because you’re teaching your kids that she doesn’t have authority over them. Submit to her when you know she’s right and make sure she submits to your orders without forcing her.

Hope that helps.

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