The family that eats together stays together
February 10, 2004 | 12:00am
Since we started having our house renovated, I have been forced to get rid of a lot of bulky furniture to give room to the carpenters so that they can work swiftly and with ease. One of the biggest mistakes was getting rid of our dining table (for six) too early and settling for a tiny round table which is good for four people only. Since then, we’ve had to take shifts in eating, the kids first, then the adults. There were a few times we all managed to squeeze in to have some bonding while eating, but it was usually uncomfortable and unmanageable that I resorted to having the kids fed in their rooms. Very bad idea if you want to train your kids in good manners and proper eating habits.
For months, I’ve wanted to get a sturdy table that would fit all of us and leave room for some guests. We settled for a Benjie Reyes masterpiece, which he made himself and used as his own dining table for 12 years. It transformed our dining experience. We used it for the first time last Christmas when Anthony prepared a simple noche buena meal. Since then, it has been where we would regularly gather as a family to talk, work on schoolwork, and eat and eat and eat together. It’s amazing how much bonding time is produced from eating or coming together at regular times in a day. Already, I’ve seen significant positive changes in how my children conduct themselves while eating and how different issues come up to be discussed. I believe we’ve gotten to know each other so intimately because of it. I encourage all families to find time to come together regularly even for just one meal per day. I assure you it will make you solid as a family.
Eating together sends a very powerful message to our children and spouses: That we value them and they are precious enough to spend time with them. Here are some benefits from eating together as a family, as proven by documented studies:
• Improvement in nutritional well-being. A study which examined 16,000 children ages 9-14 in the Archives of Family Medicine which came out in March 2000 revealed that those who ate more often with their families had better quality diets and better psychological well-being.
• Success in school. 2,130 high school seniors were invited by Reader’s Digest to take a special academic test and in it, they included some personal questions. They found that 60 percent of students who ate with their whole family for a meal at least four times a week got high scores on the academic test. Only 42 percent scored high among those who ate together with their families for only three times per week. There is a big 18-point gap with a difference of just one day per week!
•Social skills. Diane Beals, EdD of the University of Tulsa and Patton Tabors, EdD., of Harvard University studied some preschoolers and found that eating together naturally teaches children basic courtesies like saying "please" and "thank you" and closing one’s mouth when chewing. He also found that a mealtime conversation builds a child’s vocabulary more effectively than listening to stories or reading aloud. Dining together teaches lessons in cooperation, taking turns and listening. Because members of the family share more or less the same thing, a great deal of respect is taught in valuing what is served and each member is given the opportunity to give thanks for what is laid out on the table and pray for others who have nothing to eat.
• Over-all well-being. A report, released in 2002 by the President’s Council of Economic Advisors (US) and based on a study of more than 12,000 adolescents, said that teens who ate with their parents five nights per week were more likely to avoid vices like smoking, drug use, alcohol, sex and were more likely not to commit suicide than teens who ate alone. More than nutrition occurs when families break bread together. It’s a slowing down of the pace, a time for centering and a time for checking in with each other," says Michael Resnick, PhD, a professor of pediatrics and director of the National Teen Pregnancy Research Center at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis.
Eating together is a tough call because it requires extra effort on the part of parents, especially those who lead hectic lives. Crucial are the following factors: Making sure there is food on the table, that everyone more or less will be willing to eat and definitely cleaning is part of the deal. The commitment of people to come together might be difficult initially, especially if it has not been a habit in the family. Everyone must at least behave in such a way that will not annoy others. In the case of families with small children, this might be quite a struggle, but if the parents make the occasion child-friendly by having elevated or high chairs, fancy kiddie plates,utensils and meals that look appetizing, it will help make mealtime enjoyable. As we, parents make a consistent effort to train the children in good table manners, they will soon imbibe the values that will go a long way and will add to helping build positive mealtime memories. To make it a successful reality, the key is flexibility. You can start by eating together as much as possible. Don’t be confined to eating at home and it doesn’t have to be a homecooked meal. Delivered food is convenient, especially after a tiresome day. Focus on the experience. The most important thing is to enjoy the time together. Bon Appetit!
The 2nd Philippine Parenting Convention is slated March 13-24 at Edsa Shangri-La Hotel. For details, call 920-0537, 434-0139, 435-4281, 433-0387 or visit www.theparentingcompany.com.
For months, I’ve wanted to get a sturdy table that would fit all of us and leave room for some guests. We settled for a Benjie Reyes masterpiece, which he made himself and used as his own dining table for 12 years. It transformed our dining experience. We used it for the first time last Christmas when Anthony prepared a simple noche buena meal. Since then, it has been where we would regularly gather as a family to talk, work on schoolwork, and eat and eat and eat together. It’s amazing how much bonding time is produced from eating or coming together at regular times in a day. Already, I’ve seen significant positive changes in how my children conduct themselves while eating and how different issues come up to be discussed. I believe we’ve gotten to know each other so intimately because of it. I encourage all families to find time to come together regularly even for just one meal per day. I assure you it will make you solid as a family.
Eating together sends a very powerful message to our children and spouses: That we value them and they are precious enough to spend time with them. Here are some benefits from eating together as a family, as proven by documented studies:
• Improvement in nutritional well-being. A study which examined 16,000 children ages 9-14 in the Archives of Family Medicine which came out in March 2000 revealed that those who ate more often with their families had better quality diets and better psychological well-being.
• Success in school. 2,130 high school seniors were invited by Reader’s Digest to take a special academic test and in it, they included some personal questions. They found that 60 percent of students who ate with their whole family for a meal at least four times a week got high scores on the academic test. Only 42 percent scored high among those who ate together with their families for only three times per week. There is a big 18-point gap with a difference of just one day per week!
•Social skills. Diane Beals, EdD of the University of Tulsa and Patton Tabors, EdD., of Harvard University studied some preschoolers and found that eating together naturally teaches children basic courtesies like saying "please" and "thank you" and closing one’s mouth when chewing. He also found that a mealtime conversation builds a child’s vocabulary more effectively than listening to stories or reading aloud. Dining together teaches lessons in cooperation, taking turns and listening. Because members of the family share more or less the same thing, a great deal of respect is taught in valuing what is served and each member is given the opportunity to give thanks for what is laid out on the table and pray for others who have nothing to eat.
• Over-all well-being. A report, released in 2002 by the President’s Council of Economic Advisors (US) and based on a study of more than 12,000 adolescents, said that teens who ate with their parents five nights per week were more likely to avoid vices like smoking, drug use, alcohol, sex and were more likely not to commit suicide than teens who ate alone. More than nutrition occurs when families break bread together. It’s a slowing down of the pace, a time for centering and a time for checking in with each other," says Michael Resnick, PhD, a professor of pediatrics and director of the National Teen Pregnancy Research Center at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis.
Eating together is a tough call because it requires extra effort on the part of parents, especially those who lead hectic lives. Crucial are the following factors: Making sure there is food on the table, that everyone more or less will be willing to eat and definitely cleaning is part of the deal. The commitment of people to come together might be difficult initially, especially if it has not been a habit in the family. Everyone must at least behave in such a way that will not annoy others. In the case of families with small children, this might be quite a struggle, but if the parents make the occasion child-friendly by having elevated or high chairs, fancy kiddie plates,utensils and meals that look appetizing, it will help make mealtime enjoyable. As we, parents make a consistent effort to train the children in good table manners, they will soon imbibe the values that will go a long way and will add to helping build positive mealtime memories. To make it a successful reality, the key is flexibility. You can start by eating together as much as possible. Don’t be confined to eating at home and it doesn’t have to be a homecooked meal. Delivered food is convenient, especially after a tiresome day. Focus on the experience. The most important thing is to enjoy the time together. Bon Appetit!
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