Is an unbroken marriage possible in a broken world?

Anthony and I celebrate 10 years of marriage this month. Whew! The years have gone by so swiftly. It’s been a journey that has all the ingredients of a soap opera. Our marriage has been far from perfect and has survived many trials, pains and sorrows. We’ve also been blessed with a handful of children, a growing love for each other, family and friends who cheer us on to get stronger. I will have to give all the honor and glory to Christ our Savior who has been the anchor of our marriage and the One great reason that keeps us together. Thank you, Anthony for 10 years and a lifetime more to go.

Yes, it is possible to have an unbroken marriage in a broken world. Last December 5, Anthony and I had the chance to listen to Dr. Harold Sala (a devoted husband and grandfather with a vast ministry that reaches out to all the families of the world) talk about the possibility of keeping one’s marriage intact. He has written 37 best-selling books on a variety of topics and is the founder of Guidelines for Family Living. Hope these reminders would inspire you to press on and make your marriage work.

According to Dr. Harold Sala, a broken marriage happens when the goal of happiness is not realized and the dreams of the people who comprise the union turn into nightmares. It takes only one person to break a marriage. In a broken marriage, both parties feel guilty about their inadequacies. The lives of the children are affected. Even the lives of other people who have witnessed the marriage are also affected. God is grieved because He hates divorce.

Surely, nobody hopes to end up with a broken marriage because people hope to be happy with the person they choose to marry. Still, no one is spared from the harsh realities of life. People will face challenges in a marriage. Dr. Sala has a few suggestions on how to keep one’s marriage unbroken, as follows:

• Keep faith with our mate. This means making the vows that we’ve made to each other sacred and serious. He advises keeping in mind that changing partners is not the answer or solution to our woes.

• Communicate openly and clearly. Dr. Sala points out the unwillingness to communicate as one of the greatest failures of men in a marriage. He reminds men that women not only want to talk to their husbands, they also want their husbands to listen to them. He says that it is a skill to communicate well with our spouses and as we improve on it, we will discover that it is very vital in keeping our love for each other alive.

• Celebrate our sexuality. Men and women want this out of their marriage. Men are more physical when it comes to sex and women tend to be more emotional than men. Dr. Sala points out 1 Corinthians 7 about the need to give up the right to exclusivity on a mate. He or she no longer owns him/herself but is now his or her partner’s. Each becomes a part of two people who celebrate life together. In marriage, we have the privilege of engaging in sex without the guilt of shame. We can be free to express our love as it has the blessings of God. In marriage, sex is not dirty and must be celebrated. There is a warning though that it should not be used as a reward or punishment for our mate.

• Keep the romance alive. To all men, Dr. Sala reiterates the need to give importance to small things as they mean a lot to women like birthdays, anniversaries, special memorable occasions that happened in the past, etc.

• Guard our hearts against temptation. Right now, we live in a sex-saturated world. We see it all over – the streets in explicit billboards, on television, in print, etc. We have to make a conscious effort to avoid temptation. It’s very tragic when a spouse falls into it because everybody is affected. Faithfulness is not simply an external action, but the attitude of one’s heart. We should be faithful even in our thoughts and actions especially when no one can see us.

• Forgive quickly. Even practice saying "I’m sorry, forgive me" and "Yes, I forgive you." We will find that they aren’t very hard to say. And saying them even makes us feel much better.

• Grow in grace together. This means making our family our priority. Dr. Sala concludes with this reminder, "You can’t grow in grace without being together."

Let’s keep these valuable reminders in mind, folks, and fight to keep our marriages intact. Have a happy, loving holiday celebration!

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Festival for Fathers on Jan. 10 at the Ateneo. Open to all fathers in the corporate world. Call The Parenting Company for more details at 920-0537;434-0139.