Would you rather be right or happy?

I must confess I have been one grumpy mama for the past few days. My temper has been short and my patience thin. Last night, I snapped several times at my kids for giving me a hard time in putting them to sleep. Before they slept, I felt sad I had not been nice to them so I apologized. They were very gracious about it, but I was still sad knowing I could very well have prevented myself from being grumpy and that by now, I should’ve been wiser with my response.

Upon waking up from a much needed siesta, I realized I was in a certain state that needed a change of course. I asked myself this question, "Maricel, do you want to be right or happy?" I want to be happy, of course! Being happy is not really supposed to be difficult except that in wanting to make things right in my home, I end up losing the chance to be happy because my goal is to get things done and in order and just that. If there’s one thing I would like to change in me right now, at this very minute, is the passion to be right and just focus on making things right. I want to be happy.

Parents always struggle with the issue of wanting to be right or asserting their rights all the time. Consider these statements that were shared with me lately: "Why is it so hard to make my kids obey me?" "How many times do I have to tell my daughter to turn off an appliance before she leaves the room?" "Do I always have to remind him that he is just my son and that I require more than the dose of respect he’s giving me?" "Don’t I have the right to get mad, sometimes?" "Shouldn’t I have the last say in any argument with my children, after all I’m their dad?" "Why should I have to ask my kids to do something so many times? Shouldn’t I get first-time obedience?"

These are all valid statements. I have observed though that in all the statements shared, the focus is not on what should be made right but who is right. I guess as parents, we simply want to constantly establish who is boss. Kids nowadays speak out their minds, which is a big leap from before when children were better seen than heard.

The passion to prove who is right comes basically from pride. That simple. All of us parents need to repent from that. "What is right?" is actually a more humbling statement. As I repent and embrace a more humbling path of finding out what is right rather than securing my rightful throne of being right, I encourage you to consider this path. It makes me happy to write about it and I know it’s more rewarding to actually practice it.

As I wrap up this article, my daughter Ella storms into the room screaming with delight (while her two brothers are asleep) with an artwork in hand. Normally, I would ask her to go out and reprimand her for being too noisy (as Benjamin woke up right after she came in) but I focused instead on what she had in her hand. A truly beautiful painting! I chose to enjoy it and I’m glad I did. Now, we’re both happy.

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Let your children enjoy you. Equip yourself by attending The First Philippine Parenting Convention, Oct. 26-29 at the NBC Tent. Log on to www.philippineparenting.com for details. E-mail me at mailto:mommytalk@businessworks.com.ph.