A stage mother’s pride and joy

As soon as my daughter, Ella learned that her ballet class summer program would end with a recital, she pleaded with us to allow her to join. I hesitated because I knew that it would require her to be present for practices and the additional expense would affect our budget considering that three of my children will be going to school this year. But when she opted to stay behind rather than take a trip to Singapore (which my mom was willing to sponsor) with us, Anthony and I agreed.

The Gift Of Commitment

Ella excitedly attended her classes with much enthusiasm. Since they were more frequent than the usual classes, I would often drop her off and come back for her when she was done. One afternoon, I decided to drop by her rehearsals before going for a swim (her classes were in the country club near our home). I was almost in tears when I saw my daughter run through her part, memorizing all the steps and fending for herself even if the rehearsal lasted for three hours. At that point, I decided to drop all my other activities to be with her until the day of the recital because I saw how important participating in the recital was for her.

Time Management

Every day I tried to invest time to be with the babies in the morning and gear up for an afternoon long rehearsal. I looked forward to our car ride together. Sometimes we would talk about anything that came to mind, hug each other or talk about what she looks forward to. They were unforgettable moments of connecting.

For a maximized time at practice I brought along her change of clothes, snacks, some toys, activity sheets, crayons and pencils and books for me to read. I took pride in carrying her stuff for her while I stood in the sidelines holding back my tears while the music played and she danced.

Often, we would go home really tired but truly refreshed. My babies would rush to me and then it was their turn to have ALL OF ME which Ella graciously allowed them to do so.

Embracing A Stage Mother’s Role

I used to laugh off my mom’s declarations of never wanting to be labeled a stage mother when I was starting my movie career. She made her presence felt in her absence by coaching me at home and not at work. She cheered me on privately as she wanted me to bloom on my own, being in my late teens. My case is different. My daughter is five and needs much of my guidance and support which could only be possible if I am there with her. I also want to take advantage of the time to teach her valuable lessons from her first ballet recital.

Lessons that include: having all her things ready and complete, being punctual ( we tried very hard on this one) working with her team and not trying to outshine others, sharing her toys while other girls wait for their part, offering her triumphs to God and acknowledging that all her skills and talents come from Him. Saying thank you when someone notices something nice about her or her work and though she may be in the company of her friends whom she’s very familiar with, she’s still our baby. This means that she may run off to them after she’s asked permission from me and given indication where she’s off to. Although I am there to assist her, she must work with me and not have the liberty to order me around…Same goes for whoever chooses to assist her. Most of all, I wanted her to enjoy herself and find fulfillment in her work.

From the time I chose to see her through this experience, I embraced the role of being a stage mother and decided to give a positive twist to the negative label given to overly protective and concerned mothers of children who perform. There were times I apologized to Ella for snapping at her so that she would behave or not mess up her hair, etc. I constantly reminded myself not to smother her because I didn’t want to loose the connection with her. I wanted our hearts to be one.

Treasures For A Lifetime

I was glad to be there when she glanced at me to affirm a beautifully executed step. To be her source of security while she played with her classmates after class and to celebrate a good day at practice with her favorite drink afterwards.

For the dress rehearsals we were told to bring our cameras and videocams for an opportunity to capture our children’s momentous recital before the actual show (where no cameras or videos were allowed). I made sure that everything was set the night before. My videocam, two charged batteries and all the costumes. I positioned my self strategically and fired away but no light turned on to confirm recording. After checking my machine, I was shocked to realize there was no tape in the videocam! I almost fainted at not being able to capture my baby’s magical moment on video. I tried to find out who to blame but realized that the energy could ruin the rest of Ella’s "moment." As soon as I surrendered my worries to God, I remembered the camera I left in the car. I texted my driver to get some film and some friends willingly helped document the event for me. I’m glad I made the decision to snap out of my frustration because it helped save the day and make it come out joyful.

I’m glad that I shared my struggles during practice with other mothers (who also took pride in being there for their daughters and yes, loved being called SM–Anabelle, Terri, & Marge). We supported each other and gathered strength for our girls to look forward to a glorious recital.

There were so many other loose ends especially during the day of the recital (when of course, everybody was excited and nervous). I also had lonely moments when I hoped to be thanked for my efforts or acknowledged for my work. When none of it came, I quietly cried my heart out to God and accepted that all had been attained by the joys found in the hearts of my husband and children when they saw a beautiful recital.

It was beautiful indeed and is something worth looking forward to again and again as each child ventures into his own quest for identity and becoming part of this life–for his/her own shining moment…

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My youngest son will be in kinder 1 this June. I asked all our helpers to speak to him in English. One of our helpers asked him several questions and to her surprise, my son answered her in straight English. "You’re so smart," she told him. My four-year-old son replied, "Hindi ako cell phone ’no?"– Ogie

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Mommy Talk — The Oh’s and Oh no’s of Motherhood is now available at all National Book Store and Goodwill Bookstore branches. For bulk orders and inquiries, please call The Master’s Library at 687-2147.