The healing attitude of gratitude

Out of all the inspiring ABS-CBN’s "Just Thinking Aloud" campaigns, the one that struck me the most was that of Jim Paredes and his attitude of gratitude. Why? Nowadays, gratitude is hard to come by. Particularly, our sense of gratitude for all the blessings we receive each moment of our lives.

The popular positive thinking guru Norman Vincent Peale was once approached by a listener in one of his lectures on thankfulness in the United States. "That sermon sounded good, but it doesn’t work for me. I have nothing to be thankful for," the man said. "Nothing," said Peale. "Nothing!" was the reply.

Peale requested him to write on the left side all the things he is not thankful for and on the right, things he could be thankful for. Obediently, the man followed. When he was done, Peale retrieved it and seeing the right column completely blank, he said, "Let me help you. Are you married?" "Yes," the man answered. "Is your wife dead?" asked Peale. "No," was the response. "Then," said Peale, "write on the right side of this paper ‘wife not dead.’"

The man obliged. "Do you have a house?" Again, the answer was "Yes." "Has it burned down," Peale asked. "No," the man responded instantly. "Then write ‘house not burned down,’" Peale said emphatically. "Now," Peale continued, "I want you to do this every day for a year... think of the bad things which have NOT happened and write them in the thankful column. After a year, come back and see me."

After one year, the man joyfully professed to Peale that his life had completely changed and he now had so many things for which to be thankful that he could no longer write them all down.

The Thank-You Prayer

In the book The Wise Child by Sonia Choquette, she proclaimed that one of the most powerful ways to pray is to practice gratitude. "Gratitude affects our consciousness the way windshield wipers affect a windshield in a blizzard. It clears away confusion and helps us see the world more clearly," she explained.

"Practicing gratitude as a form of prayer is very easy and is immediately rewarding. All you need to do is acknowledge and thank the universe for all your blessings, whether they are good health, family, friends, or simply being alive," she encouraged.

She continued, "I personally keep a gratitude journal. As a family, we keep a gratitude bulletin board in the kitchen on which we post photos of happy experiences and appreciative acknowledgments for the things we have received. It’s amazing to realize just how much we all have to be grateful for – once we begin to notice."

"Whenever my children and I are restless, irritable, anxious, bored, uneasy, or fearful, I suggest we think of as many things as possible to be grateful for to change the energy. We list our blessings one at a time, trying to name at least 10 things. Every time we do this, our fear subsides and our hearts and intuition open," she further testified.

She rightfully suggested that an attitude of gratitude is one of the most valuable things you can teach your children. "Practicing gratitude keeps a child’s awareness focused on the abundance, support, and love that the universe has for him. It focuses his heart and awareness on receiving all that is available to him and reminds him to remain in a state of receptivity and peace," she said.

Bountiful Benefits Inside And Out

Dr. Christiane Northrup, one of America’s most famous holistic doctors, said that gratitude could help you become healthy. When you find one thing to be grateful for, however small, hold that feeling for as little as 15-20 seconds, and many subtle and beneficial physiologic changes take place in your body:

• Stress hormone levels of cortisol and norepinephrine decrease, creating a cascade of beneficial metabolic changes such as an enhanced immune system;

• Coronary arteries relax, thus increasing the blood supply to your heart. Heart rhythm becomes more harmonious, which positively affects your mood and all other bodily organs;

• Breathing becomes deeper, thus increasing the oxygen level of your tissues.

"If all this happens when you focus for just 15 seconds on something that brings you pleasure, joy, or a feeling of gratitude, imagine what would happen to your health if you were able to cultivate grateful thoughts and feelings regularly, at least once per hour throughout each day of the year," Northrup said.

"The health benefits of gratitude (which is really the same thing as love) are an amazing example of how sturdy the bridge between the mind, body, and emotions really is and how simple it is to put this connection to work in your own life. But, as you well know, simple isn’t necessarily easy," she wisely added.

"Cultivating gratitude, like maintaining strong muscles and bones, takes discipline and will. That’s right. It takes practice to feel gratitude and reap its physical and emotional benefits. There are valid physiologic reasons why focusing on gratitude isn’t easy. Physically, we humans evolved with a nervous system wired to ensure our survival by keeping us alerted to possible danger from the occasional wild animal or violent storm – events that were relatively infrequent within a life span," Northrup explained.

She suggested, "One of the most powerful ways to do this is to cultivate the habit of gratitude. No matter what’s going on in the world, the economy, or the news, you have the power within you to create the biochemistry of gratitude right now. Take a moment to feel gratitude in your heart and in your body. Create some gratitude ‘touchstones’ that will evoke physiologic benefits within seconds. Write your favorite memories or peak experiences on index cards to keep close at hand as gratitude touchstones."

Here are my few examples:

• Children you love. (All my three children have sweet smiles and infectious giggles. I immediately get recharged just seeing them.)

• A very loving and supportive spouse. (Just the thought of how he lives with all my quirks and mood swings, and still remains loving and understanding is truly a wonderful blessing.)

• Parents, friends and siblings. (A happy snapshot of moments you have shared immediately reminds you of how supportive and patient your loved ones are and how much they love you.)

• A beautiful place in nature. (I was just in Sagada and the Cordilleras. You have to be there at least once in a lifetime. Amid all its grandeur and beauty, you realize how great God is and how minute all your problems are.)

As Dr. Northrup cautioned, it takes practice to avoid a downward spiral of fear, anger, or despair. It takes a conscious decision to focus instead on something that feels better. And that is gratitude – the first thing we normally forget when we are beset with worries and fears.

Bequeathing Gratitude To Your Children

Do you find yourself mentally screaming in exasperation, "This kid does not even appreciate a thing I do!" If you have ever felt this way about your children, ask yourself if you ever consciously tried to instill the trait of appreciation in them. An attitude of gratitude does not happen on its own.

Experts suggest that we teach our children to develop an appreciative nature by always focusing on what is positive and good. In Hebrew, it is called ayin toy or a good eye. When kids are trained to look for the good in others and in events, they become more positive individuals. In our present world, it is so easy for us and our children to become critical and negative (that is what the crab mentality is all about, right?) so it will take will power to create the opposite.

Here are some tips on how to teach an attitude of gratitude:

• Train your children to write thank-you notes at an early age. They can write to parents, siblings, teachers, relatives, anyone who gives them gifts or grants them favors. Notes are important because children are trained to look at the details. You have to fill up a page instead of just uttering a simple "thank you."

• In your family bedtime prayers, ask your child to name two things he or she appreciated today and thank the Lord for them. Take the lead by thanking the Lord for specific things received and actions taken. Notice how a child, for example, was extra kind in sharing her food or toy. Or how helpful she was when she fixed her toys.

Have a family appreciation meeting at dinner one night a month, perhaps on a Friday evening. Go around the table and have everyone say one thing he or she appreciated about each member of the family that month. In Couples For Christ, we have a practice called "honoring" where we show our appreciation for the birthday celebrants of the day or month.

At first, both the recipient and giver of "honors" were very uneasy. We all felt it was very difficult to say something in appreciation of someone we barely knew. Now, we do it with ease. Proof that you only need to train your eye and heart to be in an appreciative rather than critical mode.

• Be a role model for your children. If you are not overflowing with appreciation, then you can’t expect your kids to be, too. Thank the driver, the househelp, and the garbage men. Say out loud, "Whatever would we do without our househelp! Do you know how tired we would be if we have to do everything!" We have to make our children aware that just because someone is paid to do a job, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t thank them.

For sure, the hardest thing will be to teach our children to see the positive trait of people they do not like. Never attempt to search for the positive at the height of emotions when they are telling you how much they hate their classmates. When the emotions subside, help your child see a positive trait in someone he dislikes.

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For questions and comments, e-mail mylene@goldsgymmanila.com.