Talk to me

When people ask me where I live, I really need to think. Having six different SIM cards will do that to you. I am the opposite of that dude in Into the Wild. I need my gossip from my three continents!

I wake up every morning and it’s like a scene from Total Recall. My iPad is close to my head as I use it to read Zite or watch my TV shows to fall asleep every night. Or reading a random self-help book (that will forever remain a secret thanks to the discreet Kindle for iPad app). My laptop is usually at my feet; it’s used mainly for Skyping or doing my video conference with my monk. Yes, I have a monk for my spiritual issues. Deal with it. Apparently it still needs to kick in.

If Guy Ritchie divorced Madonna because she slept with her BlackBerry by her side, I’d like to say he’s a little too sensitive.

My two phones are hidden somewhere under the covers. One is an iPhone for my everything and another is a retro and moody Blackberry Curve used only for BBMs.

One cannot be single and not have a BBM account. It’s just not done. My single friend Whitney was opting to change to an iPhone and I told her to wait for the boyfriend first. When she asked why, I told her What’s App sucks, iPhone’s can geolocate (as in scary satellite photos) and they’re really great if you suck at Photoshop. Meaning really nice honeymoon photos. Vomit.

Having both is key for me. You can have nothing and have it all, I say!

I then realized that the only relationship I am having right now is with my phones.

Okay, so what’s the best way to be plugged in when you’re traveling? BBMs are free and even if you switch SIMs your BBM contacts stay intact. Be careful with photo-sharing while you’re on the road. It can cost you. Save the photos for Facebook. While I publicly hate Facebook for many reasons (photo theft and contrarianism) it really does help when you’re traveling and have issues being alone. You can find a friend anywhere. Loads of people use this pretentious and super-sick site called A Small World. It’s like a high-tier Craigslist Casual Encounters site. I stay away from that one. If I hate Facebook, I’d like to report A Small world to the authorities. Très sleazy.

Now having the Wi-Fi access is ideal. Unfortunately, depending where you are, you’d need to rely on 3G. It’s always smart to get a local sim wherever you are. There’s loads of unlimited 3G sim packages that allow you to enjoy email, surfing and BBM-ing. However, our local carriers have partnered up with several companies abroad to cheapen roaming rates.

I have a bill that can basically buy me a nose job, so I remain skeptical. I have six microSIMs for my iPhone and six SIMs for BBM.

Much ado about nothing indeed. It’s sick and it’s the way I roll.

There are tiers for communication:

1. E-mail. I rely on e-mail for everything. All of my staff in Manila have BlackBerries now because e-mail is cheaper than text. A lot of my friends find it funny, but it cuts costs when I’m away. Texting internationally is almost a crime! I also use it for photo-sharing. As much as BBMs are great for this purpose, save your money for an airline upgrade.

2. Skype. Great for my monk sessions and heartbroken girlfriends all-over the world. While I really don’t take to using video mainly because it looks like I’m kidnapped in Kabul, most of my friends are stuck staring at my dog’s face. I can imagine this being especially challenging for my monk as we meditate together.

3. BBM. Super naughty. It really is a game changer in the dating scene. I admittedly have used it for purely Sapphic purposes. The forums are a great way to stay in touch with my friends from different parts of the world. The profile pics are key. A friend of mine uses his sister’s baby as his photo to give chicks the fake message that he’s ready to settle down. I use my dog, as usual. It’s not narcissistic and he’s just really cuter than me.

4. Text — It really has no added value anymore unless you’re talking to someone who is not using a smartphone. It’s expensive, dull and it’s just so retro like a pager.

5. Voice calls. Does that even happen anymore?

Happy traveling! My advice is turn all of that crap off; and just maybe you’ll be able to experience a real holiday. And maybe some live conversation.