Are you feeling Lucky?

Proud to be a mama’s boy, proud to be the boyfriend of a legal wife and sometime superheroine. And now proud to be an ambassador of sophistication and class.  How did “Lucky” Luis Manzano get to be this lucky? I chased him down during a photo shoot to find out.

RJ LEDESMA: Luis, let’s get to the question that has been festering like a boil on the minds of all the DOMs and No Girlfriends Since Birth (NGSB) who read this column for validation: How does it feel to be incredibly gwapo?

LUIS MANZANO: I’m not surprised (Laughs like he is surprised).

Don’t feel like you have to tell the truth.

It’s my cross to bear (Laughs with gravitas).

Don’t feel like you have to lie either.

(Sighs) I guess some guys could sleep, say, for a night knowing that I have to go through it on their behalf. While you guys enjoy what you do day in and day out, eto cargo ka na eto.

(DOM representative: Do you need some help with the heavy lifting? I carried some crosses back in Calvary.)

When it comes to facial bone structure, you and Ramon Bautista are my idols.

Yes. Our facial structures are basically an ice cream cone. It’s not the eyes, it’s not the smile, it’s not the humor. It’s about the chin and having something pointy on your face that brings all the attention.

So to be truly gwapo, your head has to resemble a phallic symbol?

(NGSB representative: I must be really gwapo then since so many ladies call me a &^%head.)

What advice do you have for men out there who want to be as gwapo as you, but can’t afford plastic surgery?

Sandpaper. But seriously, my saying in life is “If you’re not gwapo, just be makulit.” There’s nothing more sincere than a girl laughing or smiling. So if you don’t think you’re gwapo, try to make them smile. 

(NGSB representative: I can only get a girl to grimace.)

Getting their attention and making them smile will get you closer to their hearts.

I didn’t realize that Angel Locsin was into makulit guys.

Yes. That’s why, di ba? I’m no Piolo Pascual, I’m no Sam Milby, I’m no John Lloyd Cruz.

(NGSB representative: No kidding?)

But at least I’m pretty annoying. Which hopefully turned into something positive. 

(NGSB representative: I never seem to get past the level of annoying.)

(DOM representative: I never seem to get past the level of John Lloyd Cruz.)

I understand that you first became popular with the public—

Through pene films.

And when all those films were confiscated and incinerated by the office of the governor of Batangas, you became popular for essaying the role of Flash Bomba — a superhero with disproportionately large body parts. So what are your other body parts that are disproportionately large?

You know, I’m really confused. Some people say that my mom is part Chinese and part Filipina.  Meanwhile my dad has Spanish and American blood. But honestly I think I’m part African.  

But before Flash Bomba, before pene films, before being part African, people knew you because your mom reminded us every week on her show how much she loved you.

You know, people think that that annoyed me. But it’s one of those things was very dear to me. How special is it that you get to see and hear your mom say “I love you” for the whole world to hear?

Your dad, on the other hand, has contributed to the development of our local culture by introducing the Papaya Dance. What fruit-based dances are you planning to force-feed the national consciousness?

It’s called the “Bergibergi,” a dance I used to do on Showtime (Author’s Note: It involves flailing your arms in a manner that many NGSB are familiar with). But I think my dad’s greatest contribution was that he was one of the first actors to have a movie that was shown in the morning and then pulled out of the cinemas in the afternoon. So I was very proud as a son. Not everyone can brag about that. (Laughs)

(NGSB representative:  They pulled out the movie? Maybe it came out before its time.)

(DOM representative: That’s what probably led Edu to create the Papaya Dance.)

Now we come to the inevitable: your love life. How does it feel to be lucky and in love?

I’m very thankful that things still went my way despite my craziness. Love has a funny way of surprising you. When you least expect it, that’s when it pops its head up.

Wow, that was so sweet it made me borderline diabetic.

Well, I’ve been told that I have great one-liners for love and sex.

What’s your one-liner for sex?

I don’t know. It just comes out, eh.

(NGSB representative: Bada-bump!) 

So what gayuma did you use to make Angel fall in love with you again? Or did you sacrifice virgin cows to lesser gods? 

You can mix all the liquids in the world, but nothing beats my smile. (Laughs then starts to choke on his own spittle)

You mean it wasn’t your pointy chin? Your Bergibergi dance steps? Your Flash Bomba proportions?

I can’t say naman my charm, that’s too yabang. Although from the start of this interview I’ve been mayabang, so there’s no point in holding back. (Laughs mayabangly)

And you thought I was wearing this sweater because of the air conditioning?

The way that I see it, I make Angel comfortable. She can just settle down and relax when she’s around me.

Speaking about being relaxed around you, how was it like kissing John Lloyd Cruz? My three female readers, my yaya and select members of my NGSB fan club want to know. Did it taste sweet? Or minty? Or like Century Tuna?

It was enlightening. The sunrise became sunset. Colors became more vivid.

So a kiss from John Lloyd has hallucinogenic properties pala.

It was pretty awkward. (Laughs) The first kiss happened on the Brooklyn Bridge. We had to wait until sunset for (the kiss) to happen. Direk Olive Lamasan and John Lloyd knew that I was pretty uncomfortable with what was going to happen. So I think Direk gave John Lloyd instructions to just “pull him in and kiss him.”

Other people would consider that a privilege.

After the kiss, I felt like “Wow, it’s legit. We kissed. You’re my homey, you’re my brother and we kissed.”

And from then on you were an honorary member of the John Lloyd Cruz fan club for life. 

I didn’t get to sleep for days after that.

I’m just glad that John Lloyd didn’t overdose on Biogesic after that kiss. Now that we have spoken about it, I think it is best we erase that kiss from our collective memories before we need a lobotomy. 

Not for me, I have it tattooed on my chest. (Laughs)

(RJ’s yaya: I have the kissing scene on a loop in my YouTube playlist.)

Okay, I think this conversation needs a shot of testosterone. So what pickup lines have you tried? I was hoping you tried “Hi, do you wanna get Lucky tonight?”

To be perfectly frank, I’ve have never gone up to a lady in a bar. Honestly. I’m a bit torpe when it comes to that.

(DOM representative: You’re torpe even with your Flash Bomba body parts?)

No matter how beautiful the lady is across the bar, I’d still find a friend to introduce me. But I’ve never gone up to a single lady.

What!? You mean your dad didn’t teach you any pickup lines? Or did he just keep all those lines to himself because he was worried that you might use them on the same women or in the same bar? Or both?

He’s pretty selfish when it comes to that. He never gave me any pickup lines. But seriously, my dad taught me how to treat a lady. Although he never sat me down to tell me how to treat a lady, it was observing how he treated women. Ladies always tell me that my dad is the ultimate gentleman.

(RJ’s yaya: Yes, he is.)

What did you learn from your dad on how to treat a lady?

It’s the simple acts of chivalry that women appreciate. For example, opening the door for them or having them pass ahead of you. When she walks up a flight of stairs, you stay behind her or when she goes down a flight of stairs, you stay in front of her.

(NGSB representative: I always like to stay behind women when they are going up the stairs.)

(DOM representative: I like staying behind a woman when walking down the stairs. I’m worried if I stay in front of them, they will push me down.)

The press release that you handed over to me before this conversation says that you are an incredibly suave guy. May I ask how many DOMs did you have to kill to become this suave?

Four, and I was intimate with eight.

I guess when you go John Lloyd Cruz, there’s no turning back. But for a regular guy who doesn’t have your looks, your wit and who has not swapped saliva with John Lloyd Cruz, how can they make themselves more appealing to the opposite sex? 

Treat every one with class. If you’re going to be a gentleman for the ladies, it doesn’t mean you have to treat men in a different way. Just treat anyone with class. You’re bound to get anyone’s attention. That, in itself, is a charm that not everyone has.

Wow, that gave me a nosebleed. That’s the kind of advice that only an Axe Gold Ambassador can dish out. And just what is this Axe Gold Council I hear about? Is it a secret society of DOMs who like excessive amounts of gold jewelry to dangle from their hairy parts?

The Gold Council is composed of the Boys Night Out (Sam YG, Slick Rick and Tony Toni), Solenn Heussaff, KC Montero, and, siyempre, yours truly. Our role is to mentor the top three Gold Pass candidates in the ways of sophistication and class to make them worthy of the title “Gold Man.”

Boys Night Out, KC Montero, Luis Manzano and sophistication and class. Okay, so while I’m waiting for the punchline, what exactly happens when you get a gold pass? You get to take Solenn Heussaff out on several dates where she doesn’t have to hide her identity? You get to be bronzed by the top GROs from around around Metro Manila? You get cheaper stem cell therapies?

The Axe Gold Pass gives one guy the chance to live the gold life: a brand new 2014 Volkswagen Beetle, a one-year lease to a condominium at The Fort, a Las Vegas trip with his friends and access to the best clubs and events when he gets back to Manila.

Wow! That’s living the life that a DOM can only hope to have is he didn’t need to be attached to his oxygen mask. Allow me to end this interview with a beauty pageant question: What message would you like to give to aspiring Gold Men?

I know it sounds like a cliché, but again, treat anyone with class. That for me is the ultimate sophistication. Simplicity is also the ultimate sophistication just be yourself. Enjoy. Make other people enjoy. And have a great time.

I’m sure they’ll have a great time with the golden shower of gifts they will receive from Axe Gold. Luis, your cellphone is ringing. Caller ID says it’s John Lloyd. I think he wants to show you his Century Tuna body.

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For comments, suggestions or pickup lines from Luis Manzano please email ledesma.rj@gmail.com or visit www.rjledesma.com. Follow @rjled on Twitter and @rjled610 on Twitter.

For more information on how to join the Axe Gold contest, please visit https://www.facebook.com/axephilippines.