How to arm your daughters

My father had this go-to joke that he loved to crack at dinner parties when I was young. It went: “If you have sons, you wait up however long it takes for them to get home safely. If you have daughters… all you can do is pray.” It never failed to elicit laughter, albeit the nervous kind. But all parents know there’s nothing funny when one is actually on vigil on a daughter’s night out. 

There has got to be something more productive for parents to do than sitting and worrying. This summer, I enrolled my daughters in a self-defense class. I enlisted my son’s long-time Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) teacher, coach Jun Pecaoco. Coach Jun is an MMA maestro who trained in Los Angeles for five years, before founding the Suntokaran MMA group in the Philippines and teaching these past 20 years,

He designed a six-session practical self-defense course for girls aged 10-16 and I have sat through most classes, amazed at how one may, with empowerment and the slightest tweak in mindset, “refuse” to be a victim. 

In coach Jun’s words, “You are either what you have chosen yourself to be or what you have allowed yourself to become: victim or survivor.” It was beyond me how a small 10-year-old, with the proper training and the right technique, can escape from an “attacker” three times her size. Yet I saw it happen. Of course, this was “staged” in a classroom scenario but it was still effective. I have some measure of peace now even if my daughters are out of sight because they have been made aware, at the very least, that they need not be helpless. 

According to Coach Jun’s handout, “The Ten Self-defense Strategies Every Woman Needs to Know”: “The best self-defense strategies and techniques work equally well for men and women, but let’s face it: women really need them because they are assaulted more often than men. Statistics indicate that one in three women will be a victim of some type of violent attack in her lifetime. Women also endure more incidents of verbal and sexual harassment.”

It adds that although most self-defense courses focus on skills for quickly and efficiently destroying an attacker, self-defense training should also include methods for preventing a confrontation from turning physical in the first place.

The handout states that after years of research the Rocky Mountain Combat Applications Training (RMCAT) Center discovered a number of effective self-defense concepts and techniques that are meant to simple because, in any assault, one experiences fear and panic along with a natural adrenaline rush. But this does not always work in one’s favor. Such a rush makes one experience tunnel vision, auditory exclusion and loss of fine motor skills. It becomes hard to see and hear, and complex martial arts techniques may be impossible to perform. 

If you stick with proven strategies and simple gross-motor-movement techniques, such as the following, your chance of survival will increase drastically. Here are the RMCAT guidelines:

Trust Your Instincts. Too many women enroll in a self-defense class after they have been assaulted. When they recount the incident, they say, “I had this bad feeling,” or “I knew I shouldn’t have gone, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.” 

If something doesn’t feel right, it probably is not safe — that is the bottom line. Many women have been conditioned to ignore that little voice that tells them trouble is coming. Your instinct is the best detector of danger. Listen to what it is saying.

Practice Target Denial. Do not make yourself an accessible target. When you have an opportunity to escape from a situation before it turns bad, take it. If an approaching person gives you the creeps, walk on the other side of the street. If an elevator door opens and the guy standing inside makes the hair on your nape stand, wait for the next elevator. 

Present Yourself With Confidence. Be aware of the message your body sends to those around you. Like animals, human predators target those they consider to be the weakest or most vulnerable. Attackers search for women, who appear frightened, confused or distracted. They look for those overburdened with packages or talking and texting on cell phones.

 Remember that attackers do not want to bait a fight; they want an easy mark. By walking with confidence and awareness — looking around you and keeping your head up and your shoulders back — you will dramatically reduce the likelihood of becoming a target.

 Set Strong Verbal Boundaries. Good verbal skills are an effective self-defense tool. When a predator engages you in conversation, he is actually “interviewing” you to see if you will make a good victim. An attacker will use words to “freeze” you with fear. If you stand tall, remain calm and respond confidently and assertively, you will “fail” his interview. The power of your voice alone can cause him to seek an easier target.

 Maintain a Non-Confrontational Stance. One of your secret weapons is the element of surprise. Most predators feel confident that you won’t defend yourself, and you should capitalize on this misconception. If you assume a martial arts stance, it tells the attacker you know how to fight and he is likely to become more aggressive.

Instead, use a confident, relaxed stance in which your hips and shoulders are forward, your arms are bent, and your hands are up and open. This conciliatory posture may mislead the attacker into thinking that you are willing to comply. If it becomes necessary for you to strike, he will probably not be prepared for it.

 Keep a Safe Distance. When an aggressor enters your personal space, you get uncomfortable. Maintain approximately one to one-and-a-half arm lengths between yourself and the aggressor. If he starts closing in, you need to use verbal boundaries. If he still does not back off, it’s time to get physical.

 Use The Element of Surprise. If you are engaged in conversation, you have the opportunity to use verbal skills and a non-confrontational stance to entice the aggressor into dropping his guard. If you are grabbed from behind, you must respond immediately. In either case, putting up a fight can surprise him and increase your chance of landing the first blow.

 Keep Your techniques Simple. Learn techniques that are basic and stick with them in a self-defense scenario. RMCAT recommends the following:

 Heel-Palm Strike. Hitting with an open hand reduces the chance of injury and enables you to easily attack from a non-confrontational stance: hold your hands up and open while you set verbal boundaries. Then, if your attacker steps into your comfort zone — strike!

Eye Strike. The eye strike can be used in a standing or prone position. Simply driving your fingers toward your assailant’s eyes will cause him to recoil, giving you time to run.

Knee Strike. This is recommended over any type of standing kick because it is easy to use and can be delivered while you stay centered and close to the ground. A knee to the groin can end a fight immediately. The key is to get close to your attacker to deliver a strike from underneath his testicles.

 Don’t Panic If You Are Knocked Down. Often, women end up on the ground when they are assaulted. The good news is that most assailants are not skilled ground fighters; they are bullies who are used to knocking women down and forcing them to comply. Remember the heel-palm strike, the eye strike, and the knee strike work well on the ground. While you struggle with your attacker, he will probably not protect his groin. Once you see an opening, get close enough to strike upward into his crotch.

 Follow Through. The fight isn’t over until the threat no longer exists. If you pause, you give up the initial advantage that you gained from using the element of surprise. To survive, you must continue your barrage until it is safe to stop striking and escape.

 Coach Jun enumerates 10 steps for our daughters (no matter how young) to protect themselves.

• Be aware, alert, observant! Look at your surroundings so you know if something doesn’t look or seem right.

• Always bring survival gear: high-decibel whistles, flashlights, blinkers, for emergency purposes.

• At the first sign of trouble, run! Run in a zigzag manner!

•Use your survival gear to get attention or scream as loud as you possibly can.

• Twist, wriggle, jump, and turn — anything that will make you hard to control by the attacker. 

• Use improvised weapons to slow your attacker down: bags, backpacks, pens, books, folders, coins, keys, etc.

• Distance is your ally. Use physical maneuvers such a jabbing, clawing, scratching at eyes in a continuous, violent manner. Use the knee-on-groin, foot stomps, and biting. Toss bags, books, and heavy items at the attackers’ legs to make him stumble, get him down or slow him down and then, run!

• Escape and seek help!

• Tell your parents and report it immediately to the police.

• Calm down, breathe and relax so you can recount the incident as accurately as you can. Details about the attacker that you provide (facial features, clothing, etc.) are important for his apprehension.

 Still, even with all the training, coach Jun underscores the motto, “Life over property.” When your life is threatened, let go of possessions. Still, coach Jun says, “If an attacker asks for your bag, don’t just hand it over. Throw it far from him. When he goes for it, run!

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Thank you for your letters. You may reach me at cecilelilles@yahoo.com for information on self-defense classes.