A human's guide to ape movies

While some fans were turned off by the recent sci-fi reboot, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, it was a certified hit, which means it will spawn its own Ape movie series. Time to hunt around and dig up those copies of the old Planet of the Apes movies from the ‘60s and ‘70s, just to see what might be in store. There are parallels. For one thing, the originals featured wooden acting (James Franciscus? Really?) but then so did the recent remake (James Franco? Really?). Then there were the sometimes-dodgy special effects, and shrinking budgets as the series went along. But the makeup is still surprisingly effective, and you have to give credit to the writers who took Pierre Boulle’s original novel (Monkey Planet) in directions even fans couldn’t predict. Like a postmodern TV arc — but certainly less confusing than, say, Lost — the Planet of the Apes movies deserve a second look.

Planet of the Apes (1968) A surprise smash hit, this one featured Charlton Heston as George Taylor, the lone survivor of a US spaceship that crash lands on a planet distant in time. He’s quickly hunted, captured by gorillas on horseback and taken to a city that looks a lot like Gaudi’s Park Guell in Barcelona, and the series is already leagues away from Boulle’s more dignified setting of a Paris run by car-driving simians. Cue sympathetic chimps Cornelius and Zira (Roddy McDowall and Kim Hunter, many a boy and girl’s first ape crushes in the ‘70s) who spirit Taylor away before he’s vivisected by truth-burying Minister of Science Dr. Zaius (Maurice Evans). A horseback ride into the Forbidden Zone exposes Heston to the truth, despite Zaius’ warning (“Don’t go out there, Taylor, you might not like what you find.”): he’s actually on earth, 2,000 years in the future! Zoiks!

Gorillas march on telepathic mutants in Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970)

Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970) Buoyed by box office success (the $5 million original earned $32 million in theaters), the studios ordered up a sequel: writer Paul Dehn took the series in surprising new directions, though Beneath is considered a weak link in the series. Astronaut Brent (James Franciscus), sent to find Taylor, also crash lands on the ape planet. This time there’s a struggle between militaristic gorillas who want to eliminate humans threatening the food supply, and a batch of overbaked mutants who live beneath the Forbidden Zone (a limited nuclear war seems to have reduced them to wearing rubber masks to cover their veiny appearance, though they do have enhanced telekinesis and mind control powers). On the downside, the mutants worship a “doomsday” nuclear device, and threaten to detonate it if their chapel (actually a groovily deconstructed, post-armageddon St. Patrick’s Cathedral) is desecrated by the approaching gorilla army. This is a big bag of wacko from start to finish, but definitely worth it for campy kicks. As usual, topical themes are worked into the storyline: the chimps are peaceniks who stage sit-down protests to block the gorilla army, much as US hippies were protesting the Vietnam War at the time. Meanwhile, it’s tempting to see the conflicting ideologies of apes and humans as a kind of holy war, carried out with varying degrees of moral terror (not unlike 9/11 and post-9/11 days). It is said Heston, who was reluctant to appear in the sequel, came up with the angle of detonating the doomsday bomb at the end, hoping it would kill off the series. Obviously, this was wishful thinking.

Space monkeys: The big reveal from the opening of Escape from the Planet of the Apes (1971)

Escape from the Planet of the Apes (1971) So you’ve blown up the world. What’s next? Well, Escape picks up the storyline of Cornelius and Zira (who, as mentioned in the last movie, is pregnant) as they commandeer Taylor’s sunken ship, with the technical help of chimpanzee Milo (played by — wait for it — Sal Mineo). They find themselves back on Earth, circa 1973, with a great opening reveal as the astronauts pull off their helmets… only to show they’re actually “ape-oanuts.” The government quickly learns the apes can talk, and initially they’re treated as cute celebrities — taken to Rodeo Drive to buy clothes, put up in penthouse hotel suites, invited to ladies’ lunches and boxing matches, like an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. But Zira talks too much, reveals the fate of the planet 2,000 years hence, and is targeted by a certain Dr. Otto Hasslein, whose time-warp theories were alluded to in the first two Ape movies. The au courant apes take it on the lam to protect Zira’s unborn baby, and end up hiding out in — where else? — a traveling circus run by Ricardo Montalban. This is great stuff. The writing is fun, full of ironies and thoughtful arguments about time travel, animal rights and even abortion. The tagline was: “Meet baby Milo… who has Washington terrified.”

Hail, Caesar: Talking ape Caesar (Roddy McDowall) plays dumb before taking over Los Angeles in Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972)

Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972) Writer Paul Dehn returns to chart where it all began: Los Angeles, 20 years after Zira and Cornelius arrive in a spaceship from the future and give birth to a talking chimp. A space-borne plague, it is said, has decimated man’s dog and cat population (don’t ask how), so humans have taken simians into their homes as pets. These pets soon become upright house servants, while others are beaten and abused in the streets. A parable of slavery and revolt, Conquest follows Caesar (so renamed by kindly circus owner Montalban) as he integrates into Los Angeles to avoid detection. LA is brilliantly depicted as a series of concrete slabs, and unsympathetic Governor Breck (Don Murray) is the bureaucrat who allows apes to be trained by torturing and conditioning them to respond to the word “No!” Caesar (played memorably by Roddy McDowall) sets off the fireworks that lead to an ape revolt — and the premise becomes the basis for the 2011 reboot, Rise of the Planet of the Apes. In any case, it’s an ingenious ending to the Ape series. Though of course they had to go to the well one more time…

Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973) Can’t we all just… get along? The final chapter takes up after the revolution, where apes and men struggle to co-exist on a post-war earth. A limited nuclear exchange has left a number of pesky and bored mutants who decide it’s time to march on Ape City. Caesar (Roddy McDowall again) tries to keep the peace and there are ape cameos by John Huston (as The Lawgiver) and Paul Williams (yes, the ‘70s singer) as orangutan Virgil. Superfluous, with a rather flimsy script, it put an end to the Ape series… until now, that is.

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Eager for more apes? Look for my short story collection Simianology, which tackles some issues related to the Ape series. Available at National Book Stores.