Boys' night out

Why do women get chills down their spines whenever we hear the term “boys’ night out”? Some even froth at the mouth at the mere mention of it. I would say it’s mostly because of Hollywood. Movies have done more than their share of freaking women out by showing men engaging in regular male activities such as poker nights, fraternity keggers, and sports parties by turning them into disreputable evenings of debauchery — tokens of maleness at its most retrograde and obtuse. 

All men know what goes on during these “nights.”  Alcohol is definitely involved — an inordinate amount, no doubt; lewd jokes; and lots of trash talk happening either at a sports bar, girly bar or nightclub. Women never really know what goes on because we’re never privy to it, hence all the paranoia and neurosis. But really, it isn’t any of our business. We shouldn’t want to know. Where men go and what they do on these nights should be their realm alone; let’s not rob them of that. 

 The term itself — “boys’ night out” — forewarns us that everything it involves will most likely be juvenile and regrettable, otherwise it would have been christened “men’s night out.” It is what it is, so expect it to live up to its name. Men don’t go to fancy restaurants with starched white linen and multiple utensils to “catch up” on each other’s lives. They go out in packs to be true to their nature and unleash the wolves inside — their inner primal animals that need to roam free, stalk sheep, and bay at the moon. They usually don’t move in for the kill and take the sheep to bed unless there’s trouble at home or in them. 

Guys need to unwind and a boy’s night out isn’t a call to arms, but rather a call to party. The average dude spends more than 40 hours a week at work, with maybe another 10 spent working at home. There’s sleeping, which can take up to another 50 hours, and then we have to consider the family-oriented activities. So, with all that, the whole week is pretty much spoken for.

Curtis Smith, online correspondent, says “Guys need to find themselves in the company of other Y chromosomes, to be themselves and not worry about the consequences. Political correctness has all but destroyed the male identity and it has become impossible to act out our basic needs in public. Only when we’re amongst our peers can we be truly ourselves.” 

A boys’ night out can take many shapes and forms, depending on whether a man is single, married, or has entered the world of fatherhood. The more responsibilities a man has, the more judgment he has to exercise. A single man doesn’t have to think about the consequences; the married ones have a lot to be answerable for. Sorry, I know, people should have warned you of this fact before you walked down that aisle but, hey, it’s too late to complain now.

 Smith goes on to say that on a boy’s night out, “What will eventually determine your destination is the level of wildness you’re willing to attain. Single guys never have trouble with this one; they can sit in a nightclub with their pants down to their ankles without having to make any excuses. But anyone with the proverbial ball and chain has some serious decisions to make.”

 I would say that the level of “craziness” men engage in is directly proportional to the despotism of the spouse. If his wife keeps him on a tight leash, he’ll probably be under house arrest all his life. If he’s able to score a free pass, he’ll probably act like a rabid dog because wives who are psycho control freaks sometimes drive their husbands to the edge of insanity, and that’s when they’re at their wildest.

 Smith adds: “If, alternatively, a woman is loving, trusting and understanding, no run-of-the-mill testosterone-fueled fellow in his right mind would do anything to damage that relationship. Her open-mindedness is thus the ultimate yardstick by which your wildness can be measured.”

 I’ve asked guy friends about what truly goes on during their nights out and they have been candid enough to enumerate what exactly transpires. Of course, those raunchy bachelor parties are not urban legends; they do happen. But ordinarily, regular men who work an honest day simply want to drink beer with their buddies and burp, fart and ogle the hot babe at the next table with no one giving them hell for it.

 One middle-aged male friend said, “It’s a one-upmanship thing when men go drinking. We talk about stuff like what we plan to buy — maybe a motorcycle for one, a car for the other. Then that train of conversation leads to what make, what engine, etc.  We talk about business. We talk about our old classmates and who has turned gay, who among us were ex-roommates of those who have come out of the closet and we torment each other about it. We talk about who we think are idiots, from friends to politicians to whomever. We talk about porn — we actually talk a lot about porn. We tease each other about who has the most number of downloaded porn and what hard drive he uses and how fast he can download. We drink beer. No dinner — that’s gay.”

 I asked him if they actually find women and do “bad things” as movies about boys’ nights out would have us believe. “No,” he said quite adamantly. “Maybe they do after we’re done but we don’t talk about it. If that’s really the point of the evening then why not just go out alone and do it? You don’t need male company to do that.”

 I told him, “Also, isn’t it a scientific fact that alcohol disables a man’s performance, especially at middle age, so when men drink on boys’ night outs it totally negates the supposed intention of hooking up with women, right?”

 “Exactly,” he answered. 

 So, relax, girls. Men get together and go out to unwind and have fun on their own terms. Boys’ night out shouldn’t be a dirty term. It’s a ritualistic coming together of like-minded individuals away from their female partners who are often clueless about what makes them tick and the importance of a man’s private space.

 There are men who do use the boys’ night out as an excuse when they are up to no good — that’s when it deserves all the bad rap it gets — but on its own, as a phenomenon, boys’ night out is nothing but a sandlot play date among men who have reached the legal drinking age and who have money for beer.

 Think about it: if you haven’t been all that nurturing and all that understanding of him, you probably will have reason to fret when your guy’s on a boys’ night out. But, on the other hand, if he’s innately prone to transgressions and indiscretions, then you should go ahead and have your girls’ night out too, drink, talk nonsense, vent and what have you. Hey, where else will you get an opportunity to complain about those men and their boys’ nights out?

* * *

Thank you for your letters. You may reach me at cecilelilles@yahoo.com.