The lowdown on the Boyzilian

When faced with a woman—bikini clad or not —doesn’t a certain type of male mind become preoccupied with one singular thought: What lies beneath? And I do mean beneath her clothing, not what kind of heart is beating behind that killer physique Well, I’ll give you a clue, men: women in string bikinis weren’t born hairless.

No, really: it’s true. Ever wonder what the heck goes on under that itsy-bitsy string bikini that’s held fast on a wing and a prayer? The answer is: a whole lot of pain.

Oh. And you thought the answer would have been “a slice of heaven.” Yes, right. But that area only became heaven after a whole lot of pain, which is inflicted by a process called Brazilian waxing.

And now you males get to share in the fun, with a male version referred to as the “Boyzilian.”

Yes, Brazilian waxing has been all the rage in this country ever since the millennium and the advent of Ibiza parties and house music. But do you really know what the process involves?

Brazilian waxing involves the complete removal of hair — yes, ouch! — from the entire pelvic region. Usually, the over-50 crowd cringes at the mere mention of “pelvic region.” 

I was warned by friends that writing about this topic would incur the ire of conservative prudes whose sensibilities are sure to be scandalized by the words “pelvic region.” That’s all right. If you are one of them, just please put the paper down or simply turn the page because it only gets more graphic.  

And no, I will not burn in hell, because for the younger generation of 20- and 30-somethings, Brazilian waxing has become an integral part of their grooming consciousness and regimen, much like tweezing their eyebrows and waxing their armpits and their legs. Men this age just expect it! So discussing this whole issue with members of Generation X becomes moot. 

The older generation, however — Yuppies raised by staunch conservative, traditional or repressed Baby Boomer parents, view the topic with a mixture of disgust, trepidation, curiosity and awe. But why wax philosophical? The Brazilian is here to say. 

When women think of a Brazilian, they think pain. But is there ever something we women won’t do for vanity — and now you men as well? But aren’t you men the direct beneficiaries when we women undergo this masochistic process? So perhaps a little equal pain and suffering on your part is in order.

Anyway, about the pain: think corsets. Chinese foot binding.

African scarification. Five-inch stilettos. Girdles. Hair weaves. Glued-on pelukas, tattoos, Botox injections, and the radical and invasive sundry cosmetic surgery proce-dures. How about circumcision? Close, I imagine, though I can’t really know for sure.

While mainly associated with females, Brazilian waxing has been growing in popularity with the gay community for some time, and is now becoming a “thing” among heterosexual males as well, especially in the bodybuilding, fitness, athletic and fashion communities. Think David Beckham for Armani underwear ads, or Tyson Beckford for Calvin Klein, or on the local scene, Wendell Ramos for Bench. Underwear is a not very forgiving of overgrown hair. And those guys weren’t born hairless, either.

Ever wonder why Brazilian wax became so popular in spite of the procedure involving excruciating levels of pain? Part of it is the thong thing: it definitely is not attractive if you’re strutting down a pristine stretch of a white-sand beach in a barely-there bikini if you’ve got unsightly hair hanging out of it. Another is avoiding the hassle and side effects of frequent shaving such as razor burn and itching. Shaving results in a coarse re-growth of hair just after two to three days whereas Brazilian waxing will give you a smooth appearance for up to six weeks.

Men who have had the procedure done swear that it makes for a more sensual experience and, without the hair, everything below their navel just looks bigger. Who needs a better argument than that?

There is a certain Ms. Susie of Emphasis Salon in Rockwell who has been deified by her loyal “bald” disciples. I mean, this lady has achieved icon status and has earned a cult following with just a few flicks of her wrist! During an informal chitchat with her, she gave the lowdown on the Boyzilian.

“Hay, Filipino men are more liberated now. I have around 70 to 80 male clients who come in regularly for their waxing,” Susie said.

Astounding numbers. “Straight men?” I asked her. “You’re sure?”

“Yes, sure,” she answered. “It just gets tricky because, of course, it’s not something they like to talk about openly so setting up appointments involves a bit of ‘work.’ I tell them to call the salon and just say they’re coming for a back wax. Then afterwards, they hand me the money and I take care of settling the bill at the reception area. In the beginning there was confusion because the receptionists insisted that the client specified a back wax so they questioned why I was settling the bill for a Brazilian wax. But now we are all used to how these things work. My male clients are safe with me. I take care of everything,” she explained with a wide smile.

Ms. Susie has been ripping and dislodging hair follicles from her clients’ skin for 15 years now. “I can do it in my sleep,” she says in jest. She is such an expert at what she does that she has clients from as far as Hong Kong who fly her in to have their waxing done. Yes — she’s that good!

Asked to compare the male threshold of pain to that of women, she answered after a hearty giggle: “Hay naku, men are duwag.  Their threshold of pain is so low compared to women. They groan and groan and they ask for many breaks. After a few rips, they tell me, ‘Susie, break muna, break muna.’ They also pound the bed — bang, bang, bang, like that — either with their foot or their hand when they find it too painful. Sometimes, they curse in Tagalog. You know, ‘P***** i**!’ Kawawa naman.” She commiserates.

Susie claims that with women it’s different. “They make kwento with me or they text or talk on the phone. It’s like nothing to them. Also the foreign men, they’re different. They can take the pain. Some of them even sleep through the entire thing. I just wake them up when they have to turn over or when it’s all done.”

Asked how she feels about dealing with naked men, she had this to say: “It’s my job; trabaho lang po ito. But many times they’re the ones shy about it. I’m so used to it that I don’t think about it.  But not them. Some hesitate to undress before we get started — especially the first-time clients. But after that, they realize that it’s just all part of the process so they get used to me and they become okay with it. Others ask for a towel to cover their faces.  I don’t know why. Maybe they’re so shy and since they have to expose themselves down there, they just hide their face. Hmm…” She mulled it over and then broke into a giggle.

“I even have married couples comes in,” Susie continued. “In fact, they discuss who goes first. I also have male clients in their 60’s who keep coming back. But men are not as open about Brazilian waxing as women are. Us, we can talk about it with others; not them. Sometimes in the mall, I bump into male clients and the moment they see me from afar, they walk away. When they see me up close, they pretend they don’t know me. I asked one client once why he didn’t say hi and he said he was scared I was going to ask him how his Brazilian wax was holding up.  Why would I do such a thing?” 

I asked her if she thinks Boyzilian waxing is simply a fad among men and she assured me: “No, it’s here to stay. Men like it. It makes them feel and smell clean. My clients keep coming back.  I’m sure more and more men will hear of it and will want to have it done.” 

I have my doubts. But for someone who’s been making bodies thong-ready for 15 years, Ms. Susie may know best.

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Thank you for your letters. You may reach me at cecilelilles@yahoo.com.

For your Boyzilian, call Emphasis salon at 403-0117 or 0921-7453791 and ask for Ms. Susie.