Playing the dating game

Begin with the bed in mind. In our second interview with the guys behind the 24/7 Attractive Man blog, the three “lifestyle” coaches share with us a mathematical formula for scoring dates, the secret meaning in the song Good Vibrations, why borderline insanity is a prerequisite for a good date, and other snippets of dating advice that might give Stephen Covey a heart attack. 

Lakas ng dating (strong arrival)

R.J. LEDESMA: Are Pinoy men really as hopeless as the minority in congress when it comes to the dating scene? Is there really a need for dating coaches in the Philippines to help men go out with women? After all, we are the 12th most populous country in the world, even without the contribution of the No Girlfriends Since Birth (NGSBs).

NASH: For Pinoys, I would say no. Even if you throw a Pinoy in another country, he would still rock.

That explains the growing Filipino diaspora. What rocks we must have.

But for some Asian countries, they need dating coaches more than we do.

The populations of China, India, Indonesia, Pakistan and Bangladesh may disagree with you.

RAFA: And there are some guys who are medyo kulang sa (lacking in) upbringing.

Kulang sa upbringing? What do you mean? These guys were raised by wolves?

They were brought up either too nice or too effeminate or too cultured.

So guys should have been raised by Willie Revillame instead if they want to meet women?

CARLO: I’d say that they aren’t street smart.

Damn those parents for inculcating God-fearing, women-respecting values in their children!

Industrial waste

How has it helped you overall as a dating coach helped you as a human being? Does it make you feel fulfilled? Does it contribute to world peace? Does it help you become the endorsers for reproductive health?

NASH: I actually got promoted because of the skills that I learned from the dating community. 

I guess it is an important business skill to teach your boss how to meet women especially if he wasn’t raised by Willie Revillame. 

Because the skills we teach in our group are the same skills that you can use to get people to like you.

So I can be as well-liked as a suspect in a Tondo police precinct? 

But I don’t really go out with the intention of picking up women. None of us actually have that intention.

I am sure the women of the Philippines and the rest of the civilized world are breathing a collective sigh of relief. 

Most of the time we go out to have fun. And women are just by-products of who we are.

(Note to my three female readers: The same way that we are full of the by-products of what we eat.)

RAFA: We just go out, we just want to have fun. And then they just come. Minsan, may kumakalabit pa nga sa pwet (Sometimes, somebody just touches you on the behind).

Yaya, tigilan mo na yan (Yaya, stop that already).

And I can’t just pick up every woman I see everywhere. 

God is merciful. 

I have school and work to focus on. But whatever we seem to do puts us in a situation where there are women around us.

So that explains the presence of Gabriela outside this establishment. Do you guys hit on every girl that you see and wait for either the law of averages or the law of the land to catch up with you?

For me, I will always hit on the girl that I want. Why settle for someone you don’t like? Why go out with 10 random girls when 50 percent of those girls aren’t really your type? Just to make your life easier? Just to desensitize yourself (to rejection)?

I thought your nerve endings had to be desensitized as a prerequisite to join the dating community?

CARLO: It goes back to the whole dating community formula. X is equal to X, you are what you attract.  

I didn’t know that dating had to be so mathematically correct.

If the girl is attractive and you appreciate her being attractive, then she will appreciate you for being the man that you are. 

So by-products will attract by-products.

NASH: How can you want to pick a hot model if you don’t even take care of yourself?

But what if your yaya can take care of you? That’s Y = X. Your yaya makes you what you attract.

And then you don’t even hang out in the cool clubs.

(The fraternity of NGSBs: Can we help it if our faces appear in the Beware of Stalkers posters outside the club?)

RAFA: Speaking from personal experience, I have come across girls where I have come off as a bit of an a$$&*() at first.

How could they tell? Was it your lack of good hygiene practices or your criminal record? Both can be pretty damning.

But when they start to get to know me better then I start becoming sweeter. Then I start showing my gentlemanly side. That’s what women like. At first the women are intrigued, and then you flip the switch and they go “What the hell happened?”

(Fraternity of NGSBs: I think we’ve been flipping the wrong switch.)

Since you have achieved the status of fertility gods, do you still have to deal with rejection by women?

RAFA: Well, no matter what, we are still human beings. 

You could have fooled me.

We all have our own sablay (screw-up) stories. We tried our luck, now we know better and…

You’ve desensitized more of your nerve endings?

NASH: The funny part is that if you may not get them now, but you will get them. Give it a couple of months; you are going to get those women.

(Resident D.O.M.: And sometimes those months can turn into quarter centuries.)

School of Hard Rocks

As “dating coaches,” you make money from teaching men to be al$$&^*()? Not that a lot of men need lessons in that arena.

(Replying in unison): We are!

NASH: But that’s just a bonus.

I didn’t realize that there was a compensation package. How much do you charge for the classes?

For a one-on-one class over the weekend, it ranges from between P1,200 to P1,500.

(Resident D.O.M.: Is there a VAT exemption for senior citizens?)

Is your dating school accredited by the CHED? Or TESDA, if dating is considered a vocational skill?

The courses that we have are specifically designed for guys who want to learn about how to be more consistent in dating women. The first thing we teach is the mind set: we help men think straight when it comes to dating.

Just like the administration’s policy of tuwid na landas (straight path). It still sounds legal. Go on.

RAFA: We are changing their worldview when it comes to interacting with women. Your worldview may have been that you have to make paalam from the girl before you make her ligaw (court).

Ah, that is like courting disaster.  

But that’s not how it goes. We’re telling the guys how it should be like.

Like telling the girls that you’ll make them ligaw whether they like it or not? 

NASH: The second thing we teach them is the skill set. We help guys out by giving them tips on grooming, walking, talking to women, dancing, developing eye contact, body language and confidence. And, most importantly, developing the “vibe.” 

Is the “vibe” available at your nearest hardware shop, music outlet or erotic toy store? 

RAFA: There are four “vibes” — the “fun vibe,” “charismatic vibe,” “dominant vibe” and “sexual vibe.” We teach you how to switch “vibes” at the appropriate time. The reason why some men end up in the “friend zone” or “crash zone” with women is because they only have one vibe going for them. If they’ve got the “fun vibe,” they end up looking like entertainers.

So you end up coming off more like German Moreno instead of Piolo Pascual. Got it.

If you’ve merely got the “charismatic vibe,” it may get her attention but it’s not enough to close the deal and make the girl attracted to you.

Goodness. I didn’t realize that you needed a degree in sound engineering to make it in the dating community. 

The third vibe is one of actual dominance. This is a very common male attribute that many Pinoy men seem to sadly lack nowadays.

Of course that isn’t true! ‘di ba yaya (Isn’t that right, Yaya)?

This vibe is not necessarily arrogant, but dominant. It’s all about taking the lead, being assertive of what you want, not letting the girl overpower you too much.

(The fraternity of NGSBs: But we don’t even have the opportunity to be overpowered!)

CARLO: For example, when you take a girl out for the first time, you don’t ask her where she wants to go, you decide where you want to go.

Like, “We’re going to Victoria Court whether you like it or not because it’s got good crispy pata!”

As a dominant male, you choose where you want to go!

Of course you choose where you want to go! As long as she says it’s okay!

RAFA: And the deal closer is the “sexual vibe.” 

So this is the vibe where you make it or she breaks it.

This is where your dating (approach) is “Maginoo pero medyo bastos.” (Gentlemanly but a little bit crude.) You hear a lot of girls saying, “I want a guy who is nice” but when the guy is too nice, the women think “Sana minanyak niya ako ng kahit konte. (Um, let’s leave that untranslatable.) Or if he is too manyak, she will think sobra naman manyak ito. (Untranslatable, the sequel.)

So you have to be a bit manyak enough to be attractive and not manyak enough be arrested? I don’t think there is any jurisprudence on this yet.

You can start throwing in your sexual innuendo and your eye contact. It has to be a perfect mix (of signals) to let the girl know that you are attracted to her. 

So this perfect mix is like a Molotov cocktail.

And this is one thing — one thing — that men always forget to do: to work backwards. Let’s say you want to seduce the girl. However, at the end of the night when she goes home with you, your problem is you don’t know where to take her! Why? Because you never planned for it in the first place. You always need to work your game plan in reverse: plan for the end of the night, then you work your way back to the beginning.

Why haven’t they hired you guys yet for the PBA coaching staff?

NASH: For us, everything starts in the bedroom. So I…

Let me cut you off right there. There are some officers from the Tondo police district who want to ask you some questions.

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Visit their site at maniladating.net. For comments, suggestions, or if you need some upbringing, please text me at PM POGI <text message> to 2948 for Globe, Smart and Sun subscribers. Or you can email ledesma.rj@gmail.com or visit www.rjledesma.net and www.unomagazine.com.ph. Add me up on twitter, my twitter ID is rjled.