Smooth operator

When the name “Ross Jeffries” is uttered, a thousand pick-up artists squeal like Castrati. 

But what makes Jeffries so special, aside from being the subject of a global manhunt by several armed women’s groups? Because when Ross Jeffries speaks his set of magic words, he becomes so mighty that he is able to put women under his thrall more potently than the Chief Executive is able to do with the Ombudsman.

Mentor to seduction strategists, mama’s boys and wanna-be-DOMs worldwide, Jeffries managed to scribble out a book in between bedsheets that has made him a prime target for the Vatican’s hit list: the 1992 book How to Get The Women You Desire Into Bed (not for the faint of heart nor for those who have defective bedsprings), in which he details his “speed seduction” technique, an aptly named pick-up technique as the men who employ this technique need to perform it with haste lest they be arrested, caught by their moms or require life support. Jeffries’ “speed seduction” is purportedly based on modifications he has made to Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). 

And since many a DOM on their last breath demanded it, I was able to track down one of the few NLP practitioners in the Philippines, Carelle Mangaliag-Duran of Motivating Minds (www.emotivatingminds.com), to enlighten us on the Jeffries method. However, wary that Carelle might put me under her thrall during the course of the interview, I came prepared: I brought my tawas anti-kulam repellant and deodorant, my Department of Health (DOH)-sponsored wooden penis amulet (it’s a long story) and, of course, my yaya. Because, if worse comes to worse, my yaya can always cover my ears when Carelle starts using her magic words.

Look Into My Eyes, You’re Getting Sleepy…

PHILIPPINE STAR: How did you get into Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)? Being a politician wasn’t as lucrative a profession as you thought it would be? 

Carelle Mangaliag-Duran: (Laughs) I’m a sucker for love! I started at 19 when I read How to Make a Man Fall in Love With You by Dr. Tracy Cabot. I devoured that book, I applied it when I went out on dates, I broke hearts and I got my heart broken along the way. When I entered the workforce and got into sales, I picked up some sales books and was shocked to discover that the principles of sales were similar to the principles of falling in love.

I’m glad my wife hasn’t read the sales warranty that my mom tattooed on my derriere. It expired with my first bald spot.

After reading all these books on sales and NLP, I decided to get myself certified as a master practitioner of NLP in the United States. As an NLP practitioner, you are purposely opportunistic. When I meet somebody and I know that I’ll need that person’s help, I’m going to get it.

Don’t try any of that NLP mumbo-jumbo with me now, Carelle. My yaya is an expert at covering my ears. Now tell me about NLP, what exactly is it? Is it hypnosis? Is it magic? Will it help me get rid of my phobias, my psychosomatic illnesses and my annoying toilet habits? Because it if do all that, then I might just cease to exist.

(Laughs) It’s really very simple. It’s “neuro” (the brain), “linguistic” (language), and “programming” (how you get conditioned). All of us are “formed” as a result of experiences and of words. We’ve created these meanings for these experiences which turn out to be our “programs.” Sometimes, people have the wrong programs — so they have all these phobias and complexes. So these people come up to me and ask if I can “fix them up.” 

Hmm, I don’t know if you can still fix the programs on some of those DOMs. Their operating systems date back to prehistoric times. They’ve got phobias of being stomped on by wooly mammoths. 

NLP changes the way you create meaning for your experiences. Think of NLP as “Lego.” The NLP practitioner will try to deconstruct your experiences then put them back together in a way that mean something different to you.

So you can deconstruct my toilet habits, too? I have to go to the toilet 13 times (and each whiz takes about three seconds) before I go to sleep at night (I concur – Yaya). You say that can be solved by NLP and not by antibiotics?

(Laughs. With a hint of cruelty) Probably because something happened in your childhood that has became ingrained in you as a belief. So your behavior of going to the banyo is rooted in a belief. And it turned into a compulsion of something that you had to do every single night. How did this belief come into play?

I think it was because, when I was little, my yaya told me that if I continued to wet my bed, I would slowly lose my hair the older that I got. Yaya lied to me, you know. 

Professor X-Factor

I understand that training in NLP can lead to development of the mutant power of telepathy? Will developing these telepathic powers make me bald as well?

In NLP, we program people with the use of words, how to get the results you want with the use of words. 

I know what you mean. My mom usually gets results that she wants from me when she uses words at me that register at 10,000 decibels.

So, yes, NLP can be manipulative. If you can train the brain, you can manipulate people into thinking the way you want them to think.

Man, our mothers must have PhDs in NLP.

NLP can also be a bit of hypno-therapy — sometimes it’s tantamount to hypnotizing people. When I deliver a talk, I am able to put 6,000 people into a trance.

That’s the perfect skill for indoctrination, network marketing and campaigning for an administration candidate.

But not in a gloomy trance, mind you. These people will jump up and down or laugh hysterically during my talk. That’s all part of being in a trance.

I must have been inadvertently using NLP on my wife. I keep her in a constant state of laughter or else she will realize that she’s married to me.

(Laughs. Knowingly) Absolutely! That’s how I made my husband fall in love with me. He actually called me “mambabarang” (witch) because I used witchcraft to get him to marry me.

Aside from your cape, your broomstick and your eye of newt, I wouldn’t have been able to tell that you were a witch. So what are some of these NLP techniques that we can employ which will not aggravate hair loss?

If you want to make anyone fall in love with you, the first principle of NLP is to establish rapport by studying the micro-behavior of the person. The micro-behaviors of people that indicate that they are interested, these are the micro-behaviors that you copy. For example, if you speak fast, I speak fast. If you speak kikay, I speak more kikay. Why? I customize my way of communication based on how the person would understand me better.

You and Chewbacca would have an interesting conversation. Or even better, meesa think you and Jarjar Binks.

It’s all about what listening to tonality of the person, observing the physiology of the person and finding out what are the words he is using. I pick on these things and that’s what I throw back to him. 

I hope you didn’t pick on his nose.

Another principle of NLP is that of respect. For example, there is a man whom I like but who says that he has a fear of tomatoes. If I want him to like me, then I have to respect his fear of tomatoes.

Those must be mutant killer tomatoes. Genetically modified organisms are evil, I tell ya!

If that’s the case, then I apply another NLP principle: mirroring. You can say, “Oh my gawd, you’re scared of tomatoes? So am I!” I’m sure that, when you are your wife were still dating, and she said “I love adobo!”, you would probably say “I love adobo, too!” You have to find the sameness between you.

So something like “You’ve got genitals!? Hey, what a coincidence, so do I!” But what if you don’t really like adobo? So in NLP you can always apply the principle of pambobola? I was quite an expert with that principle in my bachelorhood.

You can say “Adobo! Oh my gawd, that’s sooo interesting, what do you love about adobo?” If she answers, “Oh, I love salty foods!” then you can say “I love salty foods, too!”

I get it, it’s the classic bait and switch tactic! You’ve trained our government spokespersons very well. 

Mirroring also establishes body synchronicity with anybody you are communicating with. If you want to “hook” a girl, then pick up on and mirror her non-verbal cues. In NLP, we study sensory acuity. If she folds your arms while talking to you, you should also fold your arms while talking to her in a way that is in sync with her but does not repel her.

You will eventually repel her in your own good time. I understand that there are special listening skills you employ in NLP? Does this listening ability require a hearing aid? This could explain why many DOMs are shoo-ins for NLP training.

I don’t listen with my ears alone. I listen with my eyes. I watch you. You have to be on your toes and pick up on the words that they use. There are other ways to pretend that you are attentively listening. You tilt your head, you furrow your brows, you nod your head, and lean forward while they are talking to you. That person can talk for hours on end and he will think that you are listening to him. 

My wife’s been playing me the whole time. And I just thought she was as immensely interested as me in the 50-year history of the Legion of Super-Heroes. 

If you want someone to fall in love with you, you have to look at them longer. If you look at a person 70 percent of the time while they are talking to you, you become more attractive to them. And if you lean forward towards them, you also look more attractive to them. You need to go close enough so that the person can see your pupils dilated, but not close enough that you invade their personal space.

I see, move close enough to see her pupils dilated but far enough that she cannot use any of her extremities to cause you permanent bodily harm — got it.

According to NLP studies, there is also a way to look at a person to make them more attracted to you. If you want to make this person think “I want you” then this is what you do: while looking at their eyes, slowly gaze down at their lips then you look back at their eyes. That’s a very powerful look that says I want you.  

I’ve heard about that powerful looks that you see in romantic teleseryes and porn movies. It’s also the look that DOMs get when they are willing to shell out about P5,000 for a bottle of Viagra.

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For comments, suggestions or a full-length mirror, text PM POGI <text message> to 2943 for Globe, Smart and Sun subscribers or email ledesma.rj@gmail.com. Or visit www.rjledesma.net.

Carelle’s book Love That Works, Captivating Communications will be available at National Books this month.

RJ Ledesma’s new book I Do or I Die: RJ Ledesma’s Imaginary Guide to Getting Married and Other Man-Made Disasters (As Told to him by His Yaya) is now available at National Bookstore and Powerbooks.