To nude or not to nude?

After last week’s article on former beauty queen, model, actress and adolescent fantasy of every Pinoy male who discovered the thrill of testosterone in the ‘80s Ms. Tetchie Agbayani — which featured a headshot from her 1982 German Playboy pictorial dressed in a white jungle-inspired headband, teardrop earrings and not much else — I received a gush of e-mails, texts and notes scribbled in permanent bodily fluids from DOMs of all ages, wig sizes and jail terms. These felons — este, men — were clamoring for more of Ms. Tetchie’s less. In fact, many of them had spent the week scouring through their mothball-filled closets, hermetically sealed vaults, and underground dungeons to find that old dog-eared issue of Ms. Tetchie so that they could relive the excesses of their youth.

But since many of their Playboy issues have been lost the ravages of time, pilferage and repossession by the courts, allow me to help them relive their memories of Ms. Tetchie without fear of parental (or spouse) approval (whatever the case may be), court intervention or chemical castration in the second part of our interview. In this concluding portion of Ms. Tetchie’s interview, she details her encounter with anti-pornography crusader Polly Cayetano, how she found her inner sexy, and how she reacted when she saw naked pictures of herself in a men’s magazine.  

PHILIPPINE STAR: Ma’am Tetchie, how did you physically prepare for the shoot? Did you have to do sit-ups? Did you have to depilate in strategic areas? Did you practice holding your breath?

TETCHIE AGBAYANI: (Laughs) Siyempre (Of course)! Holding your breath, that’s part of it. But I have an aversion to repetitious exercise.

And to think that repetitive exercise is a favorite exercise among many male adolescents. How did you emotionally prepare for the pictorial? I’m sure it was an abrupt transition from posing in a dress to posing in a state of undress.

I must admit, I didn’t prepare much emotionally and psychologically. After the end of the first day’s shoot, my muscles were in pain and that’s when it hit me: Hang on, what am I doing? What if this photographer isn’t really from Playboy? What if he uses my pictures for a more dubious enterprise? I wanted to back out. So I talked to Papang (her manager) about my concern and he spoke to the photographers. Later, Herbert (the photographer) came up to me and said, “I heard you have some apprehensions. Listen, here are our passports, if we don’t fulfill our part of the bargain, we won’t leave your country.” That was a sign of good faith for me. So, of course, I took their passports.

The Bureau of Immigration would be proud. Weren’t you the least bit conscious at all when you posed nude? Not even embarrassed? I’ve embarrassed to even look at myself nude (Liar. — RJ’s wife).

(Laughs) Why? Why would you be conscious naman?

I don’t really want people staring at my mutant power. 

Like any other job, you perform your work because its part of your job description. At that time, I was a model. Will I refuse work just because I have to pose in the nude? Parang hindi ko kaya (Like I could not do it)?

Hay naku, Kayang-kayang niyo po yan (Of course you can do it, ma’am)!

Parang bawas ganda points sa akin na ang trabaho kong ito ay hindi magampanan bilang modelo (It would lessen my beauty points if I couldn’t fulfill my role as a model). Just because I’m nude? It would be a blow to my capacity to perform as a model if I turned it down.

You are right, we should not blow our capacities. Future generations of models should take your advice as gospel.

Did I have any inhibitions? I’m very comfortable in my skin. I have no problems. (Laughs)

We are comfortable with your skin as well.

Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m not an exhibitionist, okay?

I wouldn’t have known, Ma’am Tetchie.

HARE-RAISING EXPERIENCE

Ma’am Tetchie, you helped many a PX store in the ‘80s meet their profit margins when they imported copies of your German Playboy cover. Did you ever think that your issue would find its way to Philippine shores?

Not at all! I thought that when I did this job, it would come and go and no one would even notice it. I was just as shocked as everyone else when it came out because I wasn’t anticipating that all these pilots and stewardesses would be bringing that issue in the country and then kumalat (scattered). I didn’t expect it at all! When the Playboy issue was shown to me, my jaw dropped.

A lot of things dropped with your Playboy appearance, Ma’am Tetchie. 

And I said, “Ang ganda (How beautiful)!” (Laughs boisterously) I was totally taken aback. I didn’t imagine it would come out like that because it wasn’t my style to ask the photographer if I could see how every shot came out. I do my work and I move on. I’m not so obsessed with myself. To me, it’s a job…

That’s right, not when there are many others who will obsess over your work for you. Ma’am Tetchie, is that issue of Playboy framed in your home? I know some men who have devotional altars to that issue bronzed in their rooms.

My personal copy was borrowed and I never get it back so I don’t really own a copy of it.

I know many men who would like to offer you their personal copy, but I’d advise you against accepting it. You don’t know where that issue has been. I read that appearing in your birthday suit led to a lawsuit that was at the time led by a Polly Cayetano? How did that make you feel and what did you do about it? That must have been bewildering for a 21-year-old.

Exactly! I thought, “God, I’m only 21 and I already have a lawsuit!” I was baffled by everybody’s reactions. There was a big uproar and I didn’t understand why a personal decision I made had become a social commentary for the whole country! All of a sudden, there were issues of morality and “Was it right?” and the Maria Clara image. So many people said many things, but I didn’t really milk it for all that it was worth. You wouldn’t see me on any of the talk shows even if I had standing invitations to guest on all of them. I was just quiet. 

And there are some artistas nowadays who milk the issue until the cow keels over from dehydration. I understand you actually met Polly Cayetano a couple of years ago? What was that like? Was there mature language and situations involved? Were there brief but intense moments of violence? Or was it a PG-13 moment?

It was a very pleasant and cordial meeting. I had a show at that time with Channel 4, (Pandayan ni Mang Pandoy) and she was my guest on the show. I knew she was Polly Cayetano, but we never met before that. Basically, I felt that I genuinely liked her and I believe she liked me as well. In fact we laughed about the Playboy incident.

You mean a “Ha, ha, ha, it was funny that you once traumatized a 21-year-old model with a million-peso lawsuit” type of laugh? You are an extremely good-natured person, Ma’am Tetchie.

I had no animosity toward the lady. Yes, she made all this trouble for me, but nothing happened to the lawsuit. It was dropped after a year. I was okay. Polly said. “Mabait ka pala (You’re a good person), I really like you.”

She might have been originally been working under the assumption that “if you take pose naked, then you are evil.” But I say let Filipino men be the judge of what evil truly is.

Sexy Is As Sexy Does

Ma’am Tetchie, just how do you project that “sexy” look with your face. I have tried to emulate that “sexy” look at home, but my wife tells me it makes me look constipated.

If you want to do sexy poses, it has to start with the eyes then everything else follows. The whole secret to posing for a picture is for something to be happening in your head. You have to be thinking of something, and it has be congruent with what you want to project. The sexiest photographs are those that capture you thinking of something interesting and looking out into the open. Those nonchalant, pensive shots that aren’t staged. Those are sexier for me. If you are going to pose sexy, or in the nude, and you are thinking about men and sex, it’s not going to come out sexy. It’s going to come out vulgar.

I’ll try not to think about men and sex the next time I pose sexy.

You know what? I never projected the “Hey, I’m sexy!” look. I never try to be sexy. Nababaduyan ako diyan (I find that really cheesy). I’m just being who I am. In fact, I align myself with nature. I imagine that the wind is blowing in my face and I end up closing my eyes and then they take my photo. Natural na natural lang (Very natural). In fact, I’m still not used to it when people call me sexy.  

Neither am I.

Even if I have bilbil (love handles), even if I am not in the most perfect shape like I was several years ago, I don’t really care. I still feel happy about myself. Sexy is a state of being.

That’s what I tell my wife she catches me staring at myself in the mirror.

DRUM ROLL, PLEASE…

So Ma’am Tetchie, the million-peso question: Would you ever pose au naturel again?

Depends. (Laughs)

On behalf of the millions of men from around the country reading this column right now who are crossing themselves, falling to their knees and with tears streaming from their eyes, we would like to thank you.

(RJ scribbles in this notebook: “Okay, set pictorial for Tetchie Agbayani. Next stop: Marissa Delgado.”)

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For comments, suggestions or blank blank, please text PM POGI <text message> to 2948 for Globe, Smart and Sun subscribers. Or email ledesma.rj@gmail.com or visit www.rjledesma.net. And for those who didn’t get the Marissa Delgado reference: She was arguably the first Filipina to appear in Playboy (USA Edition): “The Girls of the Orient” photo shoot in December 1968.